Tori Spelling

This is why Brenda Walsh is needed on that 90210 crap.

Yesterday, that dumb bitch Kelly Taylor and Donna Martin filmed a scene in Beverly Hills where they had to cross the street. Brenda would have never ever let this opportunity pass her by. I mean, Donna Martin near moving traffic? You do the math. Actually, Brenda could've just moved the umbrella off of Praying ManTori. The water would have melted her down into a puddle of buggy eyes and desperation.

Your beat down skills are needed in the picture above! And by the look on Kelly Taylor's face, that bitch will tap in and participate.

Tori Spelling was on the 90210 set yesterday shooting Donna Martin's big return to Beverly Hills. God, I hope that car goes off a damn cliff. The producers only brought this fug ho back to make the other actors on the show look prettier and more talented. Stick any fucking thing next to Tori and watch its hotness and talent levels skyrocket.

Here's more of the former Tori the Hutt looking like like a pre-op Admiral Ackbar.

I don't think I can call Tori Spelling "Tori the Hutt" anymore since lost a lot of chunk. Now she kind of looks like an elderly praying mantis doing a terrible Carol Channing impersonation. She's still fug, though. Fug light!

When the new 90210 was announced, I was seriously all about it. Mostly because Brenda Walsh was one of the first bitches in my life who taught me how to really hate with all your heart and soul. After watching every episode, I just don't know.... I'm trying soooo hard to love it like the old shit, but the only time I'm not pitching my berries to stay awake is when Brenda and Kelly are in a scene together. I get off on that shit because I know how much they fucking hate each other in real life. Shannen just wants to take Jennie's hair, braid it into pigtails, kick her on all fours and ride her into traffic. I can see the look in her eyes. But Brenda's run is coming to an end. And what's even worse is that the producers want to bring Donna Martin back. AHHH!

Michael Ausiello claims Tori is in final talks to do several episodes. The deal will probably be complete today. Tori reportedly didn't want to come back sooner, because she was afraid of working with Shannen. That's right. Shannen would fuck that bitch up for talking shit on her in Tori's book. Although, that might be a good thing for Tori since Shannen could probably beat some pretty into her fug face.

If Donna Martin comes back and Brenda Walsh stays away, I just don't know how much longer I can watch this mess. That annoying bitch Annie is just begging to get slapped in the teeth.

Image: Fame Pictures

Thanks Alia

Okay, Tori. Halloween times is over now. It's time to take off your lovechild of Jabba the Hutt and Cojo face mask. The costume was a frightening success, but the children are starting to slap at their eyeballs and grown men are on their knees crying "mercy."

Here's Tori the Hutt still playing Halloween with her creepy husband, their son Liam and his son Jack at "Backyardigans Live!" in Los Angeles yesterday. Autism curer Jenny McCarthy also showed up with her son.

I have no idea who or what the "Backyardigans" are, but is this the kind of thing parents have to go see? And is it considered "bad parenting" if you drop acid before or during the performance, because I think that's the only way I could ever deal with this shit.

The elegant natural beauty known as Shauna Sand was once again out with her daughters yesterday. The work of a mother goddess is never done. Shauna took her daughters to the pumpkin patch to probably pick out sizes for their new boobs. She's a hands on kind of mother.

The Empress of Lucite glided into the pumpkin patch looking like the Virgin Mary returning to the manger. Every step Shauna took with her exquisite lucite heels, the hay burned beneath her. It couldn't handle her holiness. She had to leave after a few minutes because the pumpkins couldn't handle her raw beauty and they started shaking in her presence.

I'm sure Tori the Hutt wasn't thrilled with the Empress making an appearance at the pumpkin patch. Shauna's gorgeousness only emphasizes the fact that Tori is one homely hag! She probably killed a few pumpkin's with her fugly mug. Yes, I'm taking my hangover out on her.

Others at the only pumpkin patch in Los Angeles where celebrity whores are allowed included Tori the Hutt's creepy husband, Marcia Cross and Spider-Man.

That's the same face I make whenever I look at pictures of Tori the Hutt and her oaf of a husband. In fact, I'm making that face now. Come to think of it, I should always make that face. You never know when a 10-incher might magically land in. Enough of that filth talk. Out of the gutter and into the Tori.

Tori the Hutt and that douche-person she calls a spouse caused a paparazzi frenzy yesterday when they tried to have lunch. I don't know why the paps were going so crazy. Don't they know that Bigfoot has already been found?

And is Tori knocked up again?! I wouldn't doubt it. Every time I see her in pig tails, it seems she's about to spawn again. Tori and Dean probably fuck the way bearded dragons fuck.

In other Tori the Hutt news, she told OK! Magazine that even though she's not in the pilot episode of "90210," she plans to do the show in the future. She didn't talk about the "money issue" though. She said, "I was supposed to be in the pilot and then I had Stella daughter when they went back into production so it didn’t work out, but I’m hoping to return later in the season."

How cute of Tori to think that the show is actually going to last that long. And if it does last that long, they still won't want to pay top dollar for her ass.

I just watched this video in its entirety, so I may sound more brain dead than usual. Tori and Dean made a music video for their reality show on Oxygen. Yes, music. Yes, Tori sings. It's not really singing. It's more like the sound of a baby ostrich choking on broken glass.

In the video, Tori and Dean dress up as a bunch of famous couples including Lucy & Desi, Courtney & Kurt, and Sonny & Cher. It's fucking murder to the ears and the eyes! It's seriously a horror show. This shit can be released as the next SAW movie. As is.

On a positive note, I'm going to make this video work for me. The next time I have people over and they refuse to fucking leave. I will whip out this little piece of hell and watch them scatter like roaches for the front door.

VIA Best Week Ever

Tori the Hutt has a face only a dog's ass could love. Awww. So......Tori the Hutt was all set to make a cameo on that new "90210" shit show, but at the last minute it was decided she wouldn't be in it. Tori said it was because she just had a baby, but that she would be in future episodes. According to Nikki Finke, it was all about money!

Producers offered Tori $10k to $20k per episode to reprise her role as Donna Martin, the resident fug of the group. When Tori found out that Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty were taking home $30k to $50k per episode, she demanded the same amount of money. When the producers refused and told the bitch to sit down, she dropped out of the show.

I can't believe they were actually going to pay Tori?! The bitch will work for free press. She should pay us $10k each for forcing us to look at her face! And I say "HA!" at Tori actually thinking she's equal to Brenda Walsh. Donna Martin's only purpose was for Brenda to have someone to say "SHUT UP" to.

In Tori the Hutt's first book, she talks a lot of shit about her mommy, Candy. YES, I read Tori the Hutt's book. I'm sorry, it was wrong of me, but I was taught that you have to keep your enemies close! Besides, it just confirmed my hate for her. HATE!

Anypiggyface, Candy will hopefully get back at Tori in her own tell-all. Candy told ET, "It's true. I am close to signing a deal to write a book. But everyone should hold on. I have lots of stories I've never told, and they will all be in my book! OINK OINK!" Okay, I added that OINK OINK at the end. It just seemed right.

Candy better devote at least 10 chapters to Tori the Hutt. On second thought, she should devote the entire book to her! Who cares about the stupid gift-wrapping room! I want to know all of Tori's deepest and darkest secrets. You know that bitch has Chronic Queef Syndrome. These are the kinds of things I neeeed to know!

Brenda Walsh has claimed her first victim and she hasn't even begun shooting her scenes yet. Kristin at E! is hearing that Shannen Doherty is in and Tori Spelling is out of the "90210" spin-off. I'm so happy that I could shit and sing at the same time.

A source said that Tori the Hutt will not be doing the show due to "personal reasons." The personal reason being she's too fugly for network TV and knows it! No, Tori the Hutt just had a baby or something like that.

The source went on to say, “It is happening with Shannen. It's just a question of how long she'll shoot, whether it will be one day or ten and what the storyline will be, but we are working on it, and it is a very real thing."

The producers are hoping to reunite Brenda and Kelly Taylor onscreen which means that Shannen and Jennie Garth have to speak to each other. The source thinks the two will be fine, "They were 19 and 20 when all of that happened and a lot has changed. And, you know, they’re not moving in together, just shooting together for an hour and a half.” There's going to be shooting going on alright. Brenda shooting Kelly in the pussy bone for stealing her man!

It's funny that I don't even remember the other skanks in this show. All that matters is the showdown between Brenda and Kelly. The writers shouldn't bother coming up with new shit. They should just have them recreate the scene below instead. "You guys are so gossipy! Thanks for the memories."