Bai Ling

No, Bai Ling's boyfriend is not giving her a little knuckle lovin' right there on the beach. Bai Ling is making death face! We almost lost our beloved Bai Ling when a wave knocked her out. Okay, she didn't almost die. She just got a little water in the brains. A little water in there will do Bai some good.

Bai was at the beach kayaking with Pink. No, "kayaking" is not code word for some kind of lesbionic act. The two were really kayaking. Bai Ling and Pink as friends is strange. What do they talk about? Naw, they don't talk. They eat and kayak. And yes that's code for something lesbionic.

Today just seemed like the picture day for some Corey Haim with a mullet pictures. Corey will tell you this look is for a movie, but don't believe him. He definitely looks like this on a daily basis. He loves it. The hookers at the truck stop bar off route 5 won't stay off him.

Corey's mullet is for a movie called Crank 2 also starring Jason Statham, Amy Smart and Bai Ling. This shit looks like it's going straight into a Blockbuster discount bin.

Why doesn't Bai Ling top the all the best dressed in Hollywood lists? Would you ever see Nicole Kidman or Halle Berry in this outfit? They don't have the hard nipples to pull off this kind of custom couture. Ok, it was made in the basement of a take-out joint in Encino, but still! This is the kind of shit you wear on the red carpet.

Here's Bai looking like the star of Hong Kong Community Theater's production of "Kiss of the Spider Woman" at the "What Happens in Vegas" premiere last night.

Bai Ling blames a broken heart on the reason why she stole $16 worth a crap at the Airport gift shop and was arrested. The 37-year-old said her split with her boyfriend right before Valentine's Day made her an emotional wreck. She said she was dealing with a huge emotional problem and basically her boyfriend was the wrong man. Aren't they all?

Bai posted a message on her website while she was in the airport:

"Delayed the flight, [wandering] again in the airport like a ghost, why can't I just be the sun smile? Life is a sad song sometime but still sings the beauty for their loved ones..."

Huh? That's like the kind of shit they say in the Final Fantasy video game. Bai's friend said that she was just distracted and that's why she walked out of the store with the crap.

Bai was en route to New Mexico to film Taylor Hackford's new movie with Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci. Yeah, Helen Mirren. She's probably only doing it, because she's fucking the director.

This is straight out of the pages of French Vogue like Janice Dickinson would say. Bai Ling's mug shot is all sorts of glamour. She should rip this out and use it as her new head shot. In case you don't know, Bai was arrested at LAX Airport for allegedly stealing $16 worth of batteries and tabloid magazines.

It was worth it, because this picture is hot shit.

P.S. - Sorry for my lack of posting today. I am on my fucking death bed! Please tell Phoebe Price to sing "My Heart Will Go On" followed by "Moonriver" at my funeral.

Source: TMZ

TMZ reports that Bai Ling was arrested at LAX yesterday for allegedly trying to steal two tabloid magazines and a pack of batteries. The batteries were probably for her dildo. Bai walked into the terminal shop in the afternoon and walked out with the items totaling $16. She was put under citizen's arrest by one of the gift shop employees. She was taken to the airport police station where she was booked for theft. Sources say she was crying, but was cooperative.

Oh Bai! She should have just said she forgot to pay and gave them the money. Better yet, she should have just started singing and broke into her routine of "I Touch Myself". They would have surrendered to her and let her take the items and probably hand over a few more items just to keep her quiet.

And what the hell is Bai sniffing in that picture above? I don't even want to know.

Obviously, Melissa Joan Hart has not seen "Dumplings." It's this horror movie with Bai Ling where she plays a woman who makes dumplings out of fetuses. The dumplings make you look younger. I know it's a movie, but still. I shouldn't say that, Bai is probably extremely gentle with fetuses. She looks like she's having an intense conversation with Melissa's unborn baby. Bai swears the baby is talking back to her and promising that when it gets out of there, they will go on a lovely journey on a unicorn past the ice cream kingdom and into the cotton candy desert.

The baby probably just kicked, but Bai's ear hears differently.

He's Melissa, Bai and Melissa's hot fuck husband at his album release party last night.

Wenn

I know Bai Ling dresses Bai Ling, but she needs to fire herself as her own stylist. This outfit looks like the fashion show from "Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead" and every character in "The Chronicles of Narnia" crashed into each other and exploded all over Bai Ling.

Here's Bai molesting Santey Claus at the "Remember to Give" party last night. Being molested by Bai must be painful. Her nipples are like ginzu knives and could cut through soda cans.

BONUS! Below Bai is that hot ass fashion show from "Don't Tell Mom....." I swear this is the hottest fashion show in the history of fashion shows.