Paris Hilton

Wonky McValtrex and her army of mutant cooch maggots are currently terrorizing London while she films the UK version of her reality show "Paris Hilton's My New BFF." The BFF must stand for "butt farting fucktard."

Wonky says that she loves London so much that she's looking to move there....FOREVER! She reportedly told friends, "I love it here, I am going to move here permanently. I have already been here for one month and am much, much happier here. I love guys with English accents. I have met a really cute English guy, but it's early days."

I think all the genital warts in America just disappeared. And did that constant itching in your pubic bush area suddenly go away? That's because the crabs packed up all their shit and shuffled off to the airport to catch the next Virgin flight to London. Their services are no longer needed here.

We also need to fast track a mandatory law stating that if your name is "Wonky McValtrex (that's her legal name)," you must be quarantined for at least 100-years before re-entering the US.

Thanks for taking one for the team, Great Britain. Hey, we're getting Vadge back, so this is a fair trade!

Hell no. The Mirror posted a couple of pictures of Prince Willy hanging out with "two showgirls." They call Xtina and Wonky McValtrex "showgirls." That's just a polite way of saying "two whores."

Prince Willy was out with Prince Harry at London's Whisky Mint when he suddenly excused himself to go talk to Xtina who was sitting with Bat Boy nearby. A witness claims the "two sat very close, swapping numbers and flirting outrageously." Outrageously! Xtina was probably just trying to offer Prince Willy her hat so that he could cover his bald spot.

A few moments later, Wonky McValtrex sat her slut ass at Xtina's table. I'm surprised everyone didn't run like roaches in fear of catching her diseases. When Wonky showed up, Prince Hot Ginge hit the road. That's right. He knows that even looking her way will send you straight to the free clinic.

Prince Willy stuck around and braved Wonky's mutant crabs. The witness said after a few minutes the two were exchanging numbers. Please. Wonky was just giving him the number to the doctor that can fix the rash he got from sitting so close to her.

Somebody actually let Wonky McValtrex back into the studio to record a new song. Whoever opened the door for her hates music and living things. Wonky debuted her newest skank tune on Ryan Seacrest's show on KIIS-FM this morning. It's called "My BFF" and it's dedicated to the leader of her mutant crab crotch army. They loves each other.

I shouldn't really say that this is Wonky's song, because it obviously belongs to Auto-Tune. Auto-Tune broke a fucking sweat and burned at least a million calories to make Wonky's tattered scab voice sound semi-decent. If Hannah Montana became a crackwhore hooker and was forced to record a song to get her next fix, it would sound like this. The best part of the song is robot lady saying "On Air with Ryan Seacrest" over and over again.

Click here to listen this mess after I gave it such a thrilling review.

Can someone tell Wonky McValtrex that she is not Olivia Newton-John and this is not Grease. Besides, her chicken bone legs don't look right in latex pants. She looks like a greasy drumstick in a condom. The only time latex should touch her is on the inside of her cavernous wasteland of a birth canal. Even then, you know her coochie burns it up. Poor crabs. They are probably suffocating to death because Wonky's skank pants are so tight. Their burning up! It's like a damn clambake up in her chocha.

Here's Cousin shIT looking like a weepy skeezer from down south and Uncle Fester attending a private screening of her upcoming total waste of money/Kodak film bomb 'Repo! The Genetic Opera' held at the Abbey in West Hollywood last night.

Wonky McValtrex was reportedly "devastated" after finding out two of her pooches were murdered by coyotes last night. A source told X17.com (via NYDN) that Wonky has been crying all day long.

They really want me to believe that this nasty skeezer actually shed a tear? Can tears even come out of her wonk eye? Please. When Wonky was told that her dogs went to heaven, she probably shrugged it off, removed the crab that was feeding off one of her herp warts, got into her fugly car, drove to the pet store and bought two replacements! Or maybe she didn't notice at all. There's at least 17 dogs living in that bitch's house. Herself not included.

The poor pooches were probably trying to get away from her skanky ass.

When Wonky McValtrez isn't busy making fuck tapes and boning everything with a peen she can get her rat claws on, she's out doing normal people stuff. Only when she does it, she still looks like a dumb prostitute who forgot to wipe the jizz from her eye.

First, the Garbage Pail Kid flunky was at The Ivy with her mutant kin, Nicky. Then, approximately two hours later after being stuck in traffic, she stopped at McDonald's for worm burgers and fat ass fries. Delicious! I wonder if she got a sperm McFlurry with that? McSpermie!

For someone who's so skinny, why does she stuff her nasty mouth in a two hour time period? It's one of two things, either she's knocked up since "everybody's doing it," or her crabs have quite an appetite. I'm going with the latter.

And why is that McDonald's employee smiling at Wonky?! They never smile at my ass! They usually just roll their eyes at me, suck their teeth and then tell their co-worker that they can't wait to get their "drink on" tonight.

The picture above is truly unbeweavable! Weave overload. It looks like Ken Paves and Kim Vo are clit-fighting over Wonky and Brit Brit's heads. Too. Much. Weave.

Anybustedweavey, Wonky McValtrex and Brit Brit reunited at the VMAs this weekend. This nauseating reunion gave Wonky an idea. Wonky said (read it in a squeaky baby voice), "My new album's out soon and it would be hot if I could do a duet with Britney. It is really poppy and sounds a bit like Kylie Minogue."

Methinks she meant "really poopy." You know what would be even hotter? If Wonky recorded a duet with Satan in hell. That would be extra fucking hot.

And a Brit Brit/Wonky duet would have so many digital effects on it that it would sound like a duet between R2D2 and that bitch Vanessa from Small Wonder.

Source

Worldwide Entertainment Group Inc. filed a lawsuit yesterday against Wonky McValtrex (that's her legal name) for not properly promoting some bunk ass movie she was in. According to the lawsuit, Wonky was paid $1 million to star in and promote "National Lampoon's Pledge This!." Since Wonky starred in it, they should have changed the name to "National Poon's Pledge This!."

World Entertainment Group should also sue themselves for being dumb enough to pay that wonky-eyed skank $1 million. Although, according to IMDB the movie made $1.5 million worldwide.

They are asking for only $75,000 in damages.

Can they also request a sentence of life in prison? Or maybe they can ask the court to send her to Guantanamo as punishment? Actually, can they also send the people that actually paid to see this shit show to prison as well? I'm sure it's against the law somewhere. Check the book!

Source

Wonky McValtrex has responded to John McCain for featuring her skanky ass in one of his ads. The video response from Funny or Die would be hilarious if it was anybody but Wonky!

The writing is funny, the useless skank delivering those lines is not. It was hard to pay attention to what she was saying because I kept thinking, "Damn, bitch! Your eye is so fucking wonky! Get that shit checked." And then I thought about how much I want to push her ass into that pool. Grrr. She makes me want to spit in the eye of a baby bird and then hug it until it bites me. She makes me so mad.

In boring ass political news, John McCain's stupid new ad compares Barack Obama to Brit Brit Spears and Wonky McValtrex.

If you're going to use footage of Brit Brit, at least use recent video of her looking tore up and carrying a Frapp. Do it right.

And if Obama is like Brit and Wonky, does that mean he doesn't wear panties and is going to give us a crotch shot soon? I'm waiting.....

Thanks Rex