Dakota Fanning

Summit Entertainment released a few stills of the evil vampire clan known as the Volturi from Twilight. Now, I've never read any of the Twilight books, so I'm just guessing they are made of evil based on their shiny Hot Tamales eyes. Speaking of those eyes, director Chris Weitz says they had the ruby red contacts specially made, "They're opaque red, almost like preying mantis eyes. You can't really see into them. There's something terribly off-putting about it."

Um. They paid too much. My goth cholita cousin has contacts just like that and she got hers at the swap meet for $19.99! Yes, one of them made her eyeballs cry bloody tears, but at least her wallet isn't crying. And that's all that matters!

Below are pictures of the rest of the Volturi bitches including: Christopher Heyerdahl as Marcus, Michael Sheen as Aro, Cameron Bright (the creepy kid from Birth) as Alec, Dakota Fanning as Jane and Jamie Campbell Bower as Caius.

If they were wearing creepers and carrying coffin lunch boxes, they'd look exactly like the goth kids at my high school.

Window licker Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning left a recording studio in Los Angeles yesterday where they were beginning vocal work on The Runaways biopic. This isn't just a day terror you can snap out of. This is really happening.

Kristen is Joan Jett, Dakota is Cherie Currie, CoCo is Lita Ford and Phoebe Price is Sandy West. No, that would have saved this soon-to-be epic mess. Alessandra Torresani is going to be Lita Ford and Stella Maeve is Sandy West. Unfortunately, the cast doesn't include the role of a bear who mauls all of them at the beginning of the movie and saves us all!

Every time I see pictures of Dakota Fanning, it always feels like she's reading my mind. She kind of makes my palms sweaty, but I've always liked her. She isn't a fuck-up and her acting doesn't make me go cross-eyed. It's that Kristen Stewart ho I have a problem with! The half-eaten Hot Pocket sitting next to me would make a better Joan Jett. They are going to have to stick a taser in Kristen's ass just to get a little raw emotion out of her! Dyeing your hair black and taking a pair of scissors to it doesn't make you a believable Joan Jett! I already tried that shit in junior high school and it didn't work.

I haven't seen Dakota Fanning in a movie since that Dreamer shit. Don't you dare fucking judge. I had an awful case of the sicks, so I was high on NyQuil and feeling vulnerable. Needless to say, that horse poop made me sicker.

Because I haven't seen Dakota do acting shit in a movie since 2005, I'm not really sure what her skills are. So when I read that she is going to play Cherie Currie in The Runaways movie, I wasn't sure whether I should fall down and cry or co-sign it in my blood. I can already confirm that Dakota will be a million times better than ScarJo, HoHan, Taylor Momsen or any of those other hos, but that's not saying much. And at 15, Dakota is the right age for this mess. But can her hair look like it was cut by an angel's wing the same way Cherie's does? That is the fucking test. They better not use wigs on this shit. If Dakota's hair can't look like that naturally, then don't bother!

Variety also confirms that Kristen Stewart of that Twilight crap will play Joan Jett. And by "play," I mean just stand there and look glazed over. Kristen always looks like she just spent 5 hours sniffing glue before coming up with the idea that eating it my give her a better high. They should've cast a piece of wet plywood as Joan instead. It would've given us more raw emotion.

Dakota and Kristen are both shooting the sequel to Twilight next and will probably make The Runaways movie after that. I feel like no matter what it's still going to look like a really long American Apparel commercial.

I thought I'd give you some Dakota Fanning to wash the Ali Lohan out of your eyes. It's nice to see that some chicks in the whole Hollywood game are okay with looking 15 (Dakota turns 15 next month). 15-year-olds should look like fresh Spring daisies, not like a middle-aged, stressed out DMV employee who also work the red eye shift as a taxi dancer to support her OxyContin habit (see post below).

Dakota is truly turning into a lovely young, pristine lady. A lady that I don't even want to curse in front of. I'm joking. I even curse in front of babies. Well, you might as well learn the most useful words in the English language at an early age.

Here's little Dakota at the premiere of Push in Westwood, CA last night with Eyebrow Belle, Chris Evans and a knocked up Kimorazilla with her hot piece.

And was there not a Port-A-Potty at this shit? Dakota and Eyebrow Belle look like they have to make a pee pee. And Chris Evans should really carry a pair of Blue Blockers at all times. Bitch always looks like the sun is flashing its shiny peen in his face.

Yes, I know that's an old picture of Robert Pattinson and that he's chopped down his magical forest since, but I'm going to pretend he didn't do that. It almost brings tears to my eyes to think of all the homeless unicorns out there. And my skin is allergic to tears, so it's best that I try not to cry.

So, Marc Malkin at E! says nearly 15-year-old Dakota Fanning is having conversations with the producers of the Twilight sequel about being in that mess. A source said they offered her the role of Jane described as " a member of Italy’s Volturi, the most deadly group of bloodsucking killers." A casting notice says Jane is a petite blonde with a “Botticelli angel-like face…[and] crimson irises.” So I guess Dakota will see undead people instead of dead ones? Wait. I'm confusing my child stars.

Since I basically know nothing about this Twilight shit, I asked my resident Twilight-aholic about this casting decision. The bitch bust nuts when he sees apples now, because it reminds him of Twilight. He screamed over IM (I had to cover my eyes), "YES!! YES! yes! O FUCK YES!" And then his next IM read: "But Morgan Fairchild would have been better." I haven't even read one word from a Twilight book and I couldn't agree more. Morgan Fairchild makes everything so much better.

And thanks to Kathy Griffin, every time I see Dakota Fanning, I picture her with a crack pipe.

It seems like it was just yesterday that little Dakota Fanning was reading a story to Sean Penn, and now here she is looking all gummy and grown up at the NYC premiere of her movie "Hounddog." The movie where she has a rape scene.... The room suddenly got all quiet and uncomfortable. Umm....moving on..

It's nice to see a 14-year-old actually looking her age instead of looking like middle-aged Long Island housewife who lives a double life as a day-shift stripper. I'm talking to you, Ali Lohan.

The premiere rought out some hot pieces like Piper Laurie and Robin Wright Penn. It also brought out a stale marshmallow who goes by the name of Kiki Dunst. Would it seriously kill her to take a bath? A dry bath even? She should at least cover herself with baking powder. She probably smells. She looks like a secretary from the 70s who spent all night sleeping on the Staten Island ferry.

It seems like it was just yesterday when lil' Dakota Fanning was reading a story to a slow Sean Penn in "I Am Sam." Look at her now! All grown up with a mouthful of butter! I shouldn't hate. She doesn't even have to butter her corn before eating it.

Seriously, my teefs have been looking a little Country Crock-ish lately. I tried that whitening shit you go to sleep with, but I cannot fuck with that stuff. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking someone dropped a load of bleach in my mouth. That shit burns your teefs off. I'll stick to painting my teefs with Wite Out.

Here's Dakota at an event for Children's Right yesterday.

Dakota Fanning should not call herself a true thespian! Dakota and her little sister, Elle, were going to star alongside Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper." Nick Cassavetes will direct the story about a young girl who sues for emancipation from her parents after she learns she was only conceived as a genetic match for her sister who is dying of some illness.

Elle was set to play the young girl and Dakota was set to play her sick sister. The film also stars Alec Baldwin and Joan Cusack. Production begins this March.

Well, Dakota has pulled out of the movie and has taken her sister with her. Dakota refused to shave her head for the role. She reportedly "balked" when producers told her it was required. What the hell kind of actress is she?! I thought she was serious about her craft. The two will be replaced by Abigail Breslin and Sofia Vassilieva.

Dakota better watch it! She needs to step it up if she wants to be the next Meryl Streep. If she doesn't she'll be forced to act with CGI pigs! Oh, she's done that. Ok, with broken legged race horsies! Oh she's done that too. Her career is over.

Source

There's something off about Jamie Lynn Spears and I'm not sure what. The hideous highlights, the fake tan, the scary eyebrows? The new Britney made an apperance at last night's Nick Kids Choice Awards and poised with the crazy Paula Abdul. I'm sure Paula tried to slip her some Vicodin tea.

The picture of Jamie Lynn, Dakota and Elle Fanning scares me. They are the trifecta of evil!