Tyra Banks

The White House Correspondents' Dinner was last night in DC and it looked like they put the invite on Facebook, because hos who had no business being there showed up to clink flutes with the President. By the looks of who showed up, this looks more like the White Castle Correspondents' Dinner. How did some of these trollops get in? I'm sure there were a lot of discarded caterer suits in the back hallway, because that's how most of them snuck in. Flat Stanley is the only bitch who deserved a chair at this dinner!

Okay, okay, some of these hos belonged, but only like 99.999999%. See for yourself. In order: Flat Stanley (with date Ed Westwick), Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Mariska Hargitay, Trudie Styler, Sting, Jon Bon Jovi, Amy Polar Bear, Natasha Bedingfield, Ty Ty Baby, Eva Longwhoria, Ricky Schroeder, Tommy Girl, a middle-aged alien robot wearing one of Barbara Bush's old ones, Kara DioSTFU, James Franco, Chace Crawford (who can't believe he's that close to boobies), Glenn Close, the baddest Monday-To-Friday-er in the room Samuel L. Jackson, Natalie Porkme, a tranny zombie wearing a blonde wig and STAINS' twin brother. See what I mean?

Ty Ty Baby always has to go too far! At last night's party where all the celebwhores try to outfug each other, Ty Ty looked perfectly fine until my eyes gazed up to the top of her head. I mean, the dress was whatever, the earrings weren't offensive and the make-up was just "meh," but then I got to big pile of lukewarm poop on her head. And this caca pile didn't come from a little dog neither. This came from like a Doberman or a Marmaduke dog. How can she be "smilin with her eyez" when she's got a dookie 'do on her head? I guess that's why she's the Queen of Bullshit!

Hold up, maybe this is more investigative journalism from Ty Ty? She's going to expose our society's unfair treatment of dog poop by going undercover as one. I smell an Emmy....

Bitches hoping to be on top ended up on the bottom after they were almost trampled to fucking death outside of a casting call in NYC yesterday for the next season of America's Next Top Model. This is the season that Ty Ty is only looking for chicks who are 5'7" and under. They should just stop the casting now. La Pequena has this shit boxed and wrapped!

The New York Daily News reports that the drama started at the break of dawn when girls who had slept in the line overnight found that other whores were trying to cut in on their shit. It got worse when girls found out that if they stepped out of the line they would not be able to get back in. This caused some chicks to piss in cups. Guess this will teach them not to leave home without their GO GIRL!

As hours went by, thousands of people were compressed into each other. The cops arrived to place barricades along the street, but by that time, bitches were straight-up blacking out from not being able to breathe. Again, GO GIRL can also double as an oxygen funnel.

The panic really started when two douchebags, who were fighting for hours, started brawling for real. After the cops broke that shit up, one of the dudes said he was going to come back with a gun. How fucking charming. What a way to spend your Saturday afternoon: suffocating, pissing on yourself and worrying about a loon with a gun. Not only did these little whores need a GO GIRL, but they also needed one of those bullet-proof wigs!

If that wasn't enough, moments later, a BMW with smoke pouring out of it pulled up to the street which caused some dumb whore to yell "BOMB!!!!" That's when the barricade dropped and everyone started running for their lives! That's some Les Miserdumbfuck shit!

After all was said and DUMB, several bitches were treated at the scene, two were taken to the hospital, three were arrested for starting a riot and the casting call was immediately shut down.

Meanwhile, Ty Ty was probably jizzing with her eyes because not only did her greatness (in her head) cause a riot, but she also had the topic for her next talk show!

The YouTube sensation that is Cupcake Boy sang a duet with Godzilla's younger sister Ty Ty Banks on her show the other day. Okay, he really lip-synched, but he still did a better job than Asshlee Simpson. And of course, Ty Ty had to try and top him. How is she going to do Stain's main homeboy like that? Ty Ty was ruining the song with her damn vogueing! This isn't a drag queen competition on the short bus, Ty Ty! Let the little boy sing or he might eat you. Seriously, I was waiting for him to turn and swallow that bitch whole for show boating during HIS performance! And I wasn't even amused by her manual eyebrow action at the end. FAIL, Ty Ty. FAIL.

VIA ONTD

Correct me if I'm wrong. Ty Ty obviously has a little lipstick grease on her teefs, so Dani Evans is helping her out by using her tongue as a tissue. Wouldn't a simple "Sloppy bitch! Take your ass to the bathroom!" from Dani be sufficient enough? I don't ever want to touch someone else's teeth.....with my fingers. Other body parts are fine, but not my fingers. I eat with those things (yes, like a barbarian).

Ty Ty and Dani got a little closer at the premiere of Oxygen's ANTM: Obsessed last night in NYC. I wish Ty Ty was obsessed with carrying those little tissue packages with her so we wouldn't have to witness this nastiness. Ty Ty was not even smilin' wit her eyez during this shit. For shame.

Last night's party brought out a bunch of winners and loooooosers from past seasons of ANTM. I have displayed them below for you. Don't they look like a sad case of sad cases? They either look like a tragic hair show victim (see thumbnail #7), a small town tranny (see thumbnail #9), a Real Housewives cast member (see thumbnail #22), an overly botoxed Cowardly Lion (see thumbnail #4) or like they got ready in the employee's bathroom at Arby's after their day shift (see most of the thumbnails).

If you can guess at least 5 of their names than you're still not as pathetic as me, because I got all their names right without looking.

Ty Ty once again played fairy godawfulmother to Isis King by surprising her with a sex change surgery on her talk show!

Oprah is totally going to show Ty Ty up by making "vajayjays" her favorite thing this year. Everyone gets a vajayjay! Check under your seat!

In an episode airing tomorrow, Ty Ty introduces Isis, who was the first ever tranny contestant on"America's Next Top Model," to Dr. Marci Bowers. Dr. Marci is a top sex change surgeon who has gone through that shit herself. Dr. Marci agreed to do Isis' snip and roll surgery for free.

The surgery costs like $35k or some shit, so Isis has never been able to afford it. She said, "This is not happening! I feel like I'm about to wake up."

Well, Isis, don't get too happy, because Ty Ty is never going to let you forget this. Isis will find this out for herself when she wakes up from surgery feeling so happy that she has a vagina now. Isis is going to glance down at her shiny new labia lips and see the tattooed words: A GIFT FROM TY TY. NEVER FORGET.

VIA UsWeekly

Great. Here's another show where the horrific word "fierce" will be used over and over again. Tivo needs a "fierce" block feature. FIERCE. Ugh. I die inside.

Ty Ty Banks will produce a spin-off of "America's Next Top Model" starring her two gay book ends, J. Alexander (yay) and Jay Manuel (ewww). The show will be like "How Do I Look?" but without Finola Hughes and waaaaaaaay gayer.

The show called "Operation Fabulous" will follow Mister and Miss Jay as they travel the country and makeover ordinary girls the "ANTM" way. The two fembots will teach hobags how to dress and do their hair and makeup. Basically, normal looking girls will walk away looking like overprocessed aliens from the planet known as TRANus.

Another makeover show is not what TV needs right now. Does anyone remember Jay Manuel's other makeover show "Style Her Famous"? Okay, I was going to make fun of it, but I can't. I watched it, but only because it was so awful. Bitches would ask to look like Halle Berry and they would end up looking like Chuck Berry in a cheap wig.

It was makeover night on "America's Next Top Not-Model" yesterday and the highlight of the episode had nothing to do with the chick's reactions to their new shitty hair. It was all about Ty Ty, once again. The woman's community-theater-worthy acting skills are flawless. Can we change the name of ANTM to "The Tyra Banks" show already? Wait. She already has that.

Ty Ty used the makeover episode to fulfill one of her 12-year-old fantasies of playing Snow White AND a fairy godmother. Seeing Ty Ty's gold fairy godmother with shiny sperm-eyes was like watching The Wiz on a bad acid trip. I sat there and surrendered to her insanity. I'm convinced she based her fairy voice on one of the dozens of voices in her head.

This shit was so over-the-top campy that even John Waters thinks Ty Ty should pull it back a bit. There's really no fucking point to her madness and that what makes this boring shit entertaining.

The only makeover that was slightly interesting was Elina's. Ty Ty must hate the bitch, because they screwed her up. She went from looking like a bi-sexual with an unhealthy Shakespeare's Sister obsession to looking like Carrot Top's crotch. The ginge pube mop is not the look.

Below is the first part of the makeover with Ty Ty's Snow White skit. It starts at the 2:00 mark. You know Mr. Jay was pissed he had to play the prince. He soooo wanted to be Snow White. Duh. Look at his hair.

Also, here's the pics of my favorites. Isis needs to work on her tuck. I think I saw a little nut last night. Click here to see all the pics if you give an eff.

UsWeekly has come out with their second annual list of the 25 Most Stylish New Yorkers. You know, because next to Vogue, UsWeekly is the go-to fashion bible. The list included Aubrey O'Day, Ty Ty Banks and that one frigid bitch from that one morning talk show.

Aubrey definitely belongs on that list. Nobody expertly mixes the styles of "cracked out disco dancer," "hooker with a penis" and "burnt up Palm Beach socialite" quite like Aubrey. She is a true fashion artiste.

I also agree with their choice of Ty Ty, because if I don't, she'll sic her tenhead on me. Hasselcrack shouldn't be on a "best" anything list.

The list also includes John Legend, Christian Siriano, Kelly Ripa, Gayle King, Sean Avery and Nina Garcia. Click here to see all the hos on the list.

Us completely fucked up by not mentioning one of the most stylish New Yorkers of all-time: ROJO CALIENTE!!!! This hot bitch makes an outfit from the clearance bin at Men's Warehouse look like a million dollars! She is a style icon. Just the other day I wore a pair of old pleated khaki shorts in her honor. And I can't believe I just admitted that I own a pair of pleated khaki shorts.

Sheena the Warrior Princess of Harlem continues to be my favorite ho on Ty Ty's hour of crazy aka "America's Next Top Not-Model."

During last night's judging, Paulina, asked Sheena if she had fake tittays. Instead of saying "none of your beeeeeezwax," Sheena immediately said they were real. But after judging finished, she came forward and admitted they were as fake as that fugly hag Clark. Ty Ty's response was: "I knew they were real." Of course, she knew. Ty Ty's forehead has magical powers. It's all-knowing. I'm surprised Ty Ty didn't tell Sheena how many CCs of silicone she had in her plastic sacks.

The judges all applauded Sheena for being honest even though she lied about it to begin with. Don't worry. Ty Ty doesn't forget. She's going to bring this up later and use it as a reason to eliminate Sheena. It's going to come back to haunt her. The editors will make sure of that.

And let's talk about Hannah, the girl with polar bear shit for brains. Hannah has basically been labeled the "racist" in the house. I don't think she's racist, I just think she's a dumb bitch who was raised by Huskies. I sort of felt bad for her stupid ass when the other girls straight-up asked her if she was prejudiced. But then later, Hannah said that the girls ganging up on her was like "gang rape" and "gang violence." Ty Ty really knows how to pick 'em. I can't wait for the episode where Hannah is forced to pose naked with Isis. It's totally coming.

Below is a clip of Sheen's fake titty question do-over. And visit Top Model LiveJournal to see all the pics from the shoot. Why is Ty Ty's picture always the worst?