Tyra Banks

Ty Ty's insanity was back in full force on the season premiere of "America's Next Top NOT-Model" last night. She really gets crazier and crazier each season. Next season will have to take place in a mental hospital.

The episode started on what looked like the used set of a cheap Sci-Fi porn movie. This is what happens when Ty Ty spends her Saturday mornings watching old cartoons. It was some "The Jetsons gone drag" shit! And I really hope Miss Jay gave that wig back to the "Village of the Damned" kid he stole it from.

Ty Ty's grand entrance was anything but. She came out of a silver-painted fridge box as "Tyrabot" and played the part of a "robot" for way too long. Suri Cruise rated Ty Ty's performance an F! When Ty Ty was finished with her fuckery, she dragged her two wet nellies to the judges table where we met the never-gonna-be models. I'm just going to talk about my favorite bitches so far.

Annaleigh - This crazy bitch confessed that she was sold to a Saudi prince! She smiled and laughed while telling the story. That bitch should hide under Ty Ty's wig instead of standing there laughing. They are seriously coming for her ass!

Clark - This dumbass is one of my favorites, because I hate her so much. HATE HER. I like feeling extreme rage inside. She makes me want to punch a jelly donut and then rub its sugary guts all over her smug face!

Elina - She's the vegan bi-sexual who will no doubt be forced to pose with fur and dead animals. You know it's coming. I love her, because she scares me. She probably spends her nights eating her own hair while listening to The Cure. I don't think I'm ready to see her make out with Clark. I hope she bites Clark's teeth out.

Isis - Yes, she's the tranny! Of course, bitches started hating on her ass as soon as they found out. But she rose from the tranny ashes and delivered one of the best pictures (which isn't saying much). She's also coming across as the most normal ho in the house.

Joslyn - She's southern. That's all I need to say.

Marjorie - It's Juno! Juno without the baby in her belly. Marjorie is probably the most "modely" girl in the house. Expect her to go far and "find her inner confidence." I just hope they don't eff up her hair!

McKey - This chick fit right in with the sci-fi theme. I was expecting her to zap Ty Ty with her eyes. She's straight out of X-Men. And she's a female boxer. A really weird female boxer. I'm waiting to find out that her "boyfriend" has been living in her basement against his will for the last couple of years.

Sheena - The Asian fly girl from Harlem! I think she really auditioned for "Flavor of Love" but her picture ended up on Ty Ty's desk instead. I can't wait for her to really unleash her "Kimoraness" on one of those annoying bitches. And I'm hoping it's Clark.

Below are pictures of my favorites whores from yet another totally random photoshoot. How the fuck are you supposed to pose "nuclear weaponey." Visit Top Model LiveJournal to see the rest.

Right now I'll say that Marjorie, Isis and Ty Ty will be final 3. Yes, Ty Ty. I think this is the year she's finally going to throw herself in the competition for no reason.

Why in Bindi Irwin hell did Ty Ty crimp her weave?! If you ask her about it, she'll probably say, "Oh! I invented crimped hair. Don't you know?" Yes, I do know. I also know that I've had a fascination with crimped hair ever since I was a little homo child playing with my sister's Barbies.

My favorite Barbie was the one who looked like she could smooth wood with her hair. I'm talking about Beach Barbie (or maybe it was Skipper?). I loved that bitch. I wanted crimped hair so bad because of her. For Christmas one year, my sister got one of those irons with changeable plates including a crimped one. I used the fuck out of that shit. If I had pubic hair back then, I would've crimped it.

That being said, Ty Ty looks like something out of The Fifth Element.

Ty Ty crimped her hair yesterday to celebrate Vogue Italia's all-black issue with Chanel Iman, Stacey McKenzie, Selita Banks, Veronica Webb, Toccara, Beverly Johnson and many other models. Naomi Campbell wasn't there. Well, probably because seeing Ty Ty's face makes her want to beat a bitch with a Blackberry and she's trying to work on that.

During every season of "America's Next Top Model" there's usually at least one girl who Miss Jay and Ty Ty make fun of for looking too trannyrrific. Well, this season when they tell Isis (above) that she looks too "mannish" in pictures, they won't be too far off. You see, Isis is a real life tranny! Although, I'm pretty sure Dominique from last season was the show's first official tranny. There's no way that ho has a vagina.

According to Pazzo Kevin, Isis took part in the "homeless" photo shoot on the show last season. That's the shoot where the homeless teens looked hotter than the actual contestants.

Fucking finally! I've been waiting for Ty Ty to pull out this card. She's had the gayelle, the chick with Aspergers, the twins and now the transgendered girl! You know Ty Ty is going to talk about how she's single-handedly opening the modeling doors for the transgendered community. She's going to cry crocodile tears when she talks about how she's not a tranny, but she knows how it feels to be different, because she was made fun of for being too tall in school. Seriously, she always whines about how life was so hard for her growing up because she was too tall and had a forehead you could see from space. I mean, WTF?

Isis is seriously the one to beat! I'm putting all my Monopoly money on her. Below are some of my other favorite girls who actually look more like dudes than Isis does. If you an eff, you can also visit Top Model LiveJournal to see the rest of the hos from season 11. Yes, season 11. 11 seasons of Ty Ty's craziness.

The picture might be small, but TyTy's craziness still shines through loud and proud. This is TyTy channeling Michelle Obama in September's Harper's Bazaar. Bizarre is more like it. You know TyTy pretended to be Michelle the entire day. She probably event called Barack and said, "Hi honey. It's me. What do you want for dinner?" The woman is certifiable.

TyTy told the magazine how TyTy felt went Barack Obama got the nomination, "When Barack won the nomination, I just started bawling. I started calling all these people, and everybody was talking to me like I was crazy. They’re like, ‘Well, he hasn’t won yet,’ but I’m like, ‘Yes, he has, because he’s gotten this far." Um....something tells me they always tell her she's crazy no matter what she says. She says "Hello, it's Tyra" and they say, "Bitch, you're crazy." CLICK. Dial tone.

TyTy went on to say, "With Barack Obama, his becoming president is them becoming president because Michelle was there from the beginning. Without Michelle, he wouldn’t be there.” What she meant to say was, "Without TyTy, he wouldn't be there. He was on TyTy's show once, you know. That's not a coincidence."

Oh and there's a sad lion freezing his head off somewhere, because TyTy took his mane for this cover.

VIA UsWeekly

TyTy Baby was definitely having an acid flashback when she came up with this fuckery! And TyTy must have royally pissed off the bitch who photoshopped this shit. They made her look like a slow clown who had one too many bong hits. Someone is going to lose their life over this. Believe it.

This mess is actually beyond Photoshop. It looks like it was drawn using colored pencils.

And most of these new broads look like recycled versions of Top Model skanks from seasons past.

It looks like when that picture of Michelle Obama was taken, she was in the middle of saying "HELL NO." It probably right after they told her that TyTy Baby was going to dress up as her for September's Harper's Bazaar. Hell yes! A source told Page Six that TyTy will become Michelle for the magazine's September cover, "It's a full makeover. You know how Tyra likes to do that stuff. And she'll get a lot of press off it."

The magazine probably didn't like TyTy's original idea of changing their name to "TyTy's Bazaar" and featuring her in every single page, even in the ads. They probably also turned her down when she said she wanted to dress up as Barack and Michelle.

Expect TyTy to devote at least 10 episodes of her crazy ass talk show to what was it like being the wife of a political figure as told through the always smiling eyes of a supermodel turned philanthropist.

Shit! TyTy should take it even further by running for president! You know this crazy bitch would try to run as a Republic AND a Democrat. That way she can run against herself, because "there's two sides" to TyTy. May the best TyTy win!

What are the hos at Madam Tussauds trying to do? TyTy Baby already has one of these creepy things in DC and now she has another one in NYC! The out of control beast known as TyTy's ego is going to explode from all the dick stroking. If her head gets any bigger, her forehead could double as JFK's newest terminal.

They didn't do TyTy any favors with this new wax statute. Not only does it look like it's smiling with its eyes, but it also looks like it's smiling with its wax peen too. That thing is trannylicious. Oooh...TyTy is going to be happy.

Uh....oh... TyTy Baby got her own wax figure at Madam Tussauds in DC yesterday. You know what this means? We are never going to hear the fucking end of it. I can already hear TyTy saying, "When I got my first wax figure..." and "You being strung out on drugs reminds me of the time when my wax figure...."

Wait....maybe that isn't a wax figure. Maybe that's TyTy Baby undercover as a wax figure! She's going to expose the secret lonely world of wax figures. She's going to tell us how hard it is for wax figures out there and she's experienced it first hand. That TyTy is always breaking the real stories. She deserves a Peabody.

The only way to really know if that wax figure is TyTy herself is to say to it, "Damn, even her wax bitch has a fat ass." If her wax figure doesn't explode into a tirade, then we know it's really made of wax.

Here's more pictures of TyTy's wax ho. The homeboy in the third thumbnail below is doing things to me....

The she-devil terrorist known as Rachel (I know it's "Rachael," but I want to piss her off) Ray won an Emmy last night. A fucking Emmy. And the award wasn't for being the biggest cunt with a gay husband. You can't tell me her husband ain't a salad-tossing-loving homo. Those eyes have definitely seen their fare share of bear daddy porn.

Anyway, RACHEL's show won Best Talk Show (Entertainment). You know, because seeing a fake ass walking sausage screaming "EVOO," "delish" and "good to go" every 5 seconds is real entertainment. This award is only feeding the beast. RACHEL must be stopped!

Speaking of feeding the best, TyTy Baby also won herself an Emmy for Best Talk Show (Informative). I mean, she was up against Dr. Phil. TyTy is going to talk about this Emmy for at least the next 300 years. Every conversation will start with, "Well, when I won the Emmy" or "You know what my Emmy award taught me?" Bitch could have at least put on a lacefront that wasn't made out of HoHan's leftovers and Barbie pubes.

Click here to see all the Daytime Emmy winners from last night. I mean, Rachael Ray?! Methinks a devil named Oprah is behind this!

TyTy isn't smiling with her eyes, but she's definitely smiling with her hips on the cover of The New York Times Magazine which comes out this Sunday. It looks like she stuck her head one of life-size wooden cutouts from the carnival.

I can guarantee you that we'll never heard the end of this cover from Tyra. During the next month, she's going to start almost every sentence with, "Well, when I was on the cover of the New York Times magazine and they compared me to Oprah and Martha...."

Source: Jezebel