Jessica Biel

Or is it 2 dudes, 1 dog? Or 3 dogs? Any of those work.

Justin Timberlake looks so happy he could queef. He always has bitch face. Jessica Biel should use a bigger strap-on his ass so he would loosen up some more.

And who the hell did that to Jessica's hair?! It reminds me of when my mommy gave my sister a haircut when we were little. My mommy took the kitchen scissors in one hand and my sister's bangs in the other hand and chopped them in one swoop. It left my sister with asymmetrical bangs that were too short! That poor bitch looked like an Emo gayelle.

Maybe my mommy is moonlighting as Jessica Biel's bang-cutter. Bang-cutter. That sounds really gross and inappropriate.

Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are still two dykes in love. The two attended some wedding in Los Angeles last night and came out hand-in-hand. You know she-hulk's grip is killing Justin inside. She doesn't know her own strength. He wants to cry so badly, but he's keeping it together for the cameras. Justin is used to it. Biel probably works that strap-on like a champ. Even cokie on Justin's hole can't ease the pain. The bitch is a trooper.

Tobey Maguire, Jason Bateman, Scott Speedman and Eva Mendes also attended last night. This shit looked like a funeral! They were all wearing black. It makes sense. You're mourning the bride and groom's slut days. Sad.