Boring Couples

Ryan Gaycrest keeps it in the family. Naw, not the homo family, but the E! family. InTouch reports that Gaycrest has been dating Holly Huddleston of the Olly Girls for a few months now. Holly is one half of the bimbo duo that appears on E!'s "Sunset Tan." The two met through an E! connection. Yeah, a fucking publicist.

Holly, who knew you would stoop so low and become someone's beard? I had high hopes for you. Seriously, you could have run for President or possibly married Prince Harry and become a Princess of England. Yeah right, her career was headed straight for Big Sausage Pizza Porn (the link is NSFW!)

If E! wants Gaycrest in a believable romance with an E! personality, they should have hooked him up with Dr. Rey from Dr. 90210. Now that's a couple!

I was waiting for this rumor to surface and here it is! Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson are currently filming "Marly & Me" together in Miami and sources say the two might be more than co-stars. Star Magazine said the two have been "canoodling" even when the cameras are off.

A source said, "The hugging didn't end when the cameras stopped rolling. They were very flirty together, far more than you would expect. In between takes they were hanging onto each other. They are very friendly." Hanging onto each other, flirty AND friendly? Well, the "friendly" just put them over the edge. They are totally doing it.

The source goes on to say that even before they started shooting Owen and Jen would have long telephone conversations. I think Jen just told the source it was Owen, but it was really Livelinks.

Owen has also brought Jen out from the dungeon of her trailer where she usually spends hours upon hours cutting out Angelina Jolie's face from tabloid magazines and pasting hers in. "Jen is known for being a recluse on set. But she's having so much fun hanging out with Owen. She's just really relaxed and happy, which is nice to see."

I thought Owen was dating Kate Hudson again? He's moved on to Jennifer Aniston? Eeesh. That's like eating oatmeal for breakfast and lunch.

Yup, we've got another one.

Meat head Matt Damon and his wifey, Luciana, are expecting another baby reports People. Luciana stepped out in London with Matt last night and was obviously knocked up. Their rep said, "They couldn't be happier. They're so excited!"

The two have one daughter, Isabella, together born in 2006 and Luciana has a 9-year-old daughter from a previous marriage.

I don't even know what to fucking say. They are just so boring. That's a good thing for them I guess. They probably talk about boring things like politics, sports, all the different ways to cook chicken and draperies. Boring couples love to talk about draperies. Don't ask me why.

Sarah Larson, take a good look at your future. Luciana was a bartender when she first met Matt Damon and now she's spending her days shopping and yelling at the nannies. Lucky ass whore. On second thought, she's boring so she's spending her days cutting the crust off of sandwiches and puffy painting her daughter's names on their underwear.

Rachael Ray (Ugh, can I just call her Rachel? Fuck!) has adamantly denied that her marriage to John Cusimano sucks. The National Enquirer (via MSNBC) claims the bitch is lying. Sources tell them that her marriage will be over by the end of the year. EV OH NO! Sorry, I had to.

They went to visit her family over Christmas and it was apparent Rachael couldn't stand his ass. A source said, “When they arrived, John stayed outside for 15 minutes. When he finally came into the house, Rachael acted like he wasn’t even there. She even closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to meet his gaze!”

They also didn't sleep together. Rachael made him sleep in the cat's bed. “He was sent off to sleep in a little upstairs loft that’s normally where one of Rachael’s mother’s cats sleeps.” That's probably the most pussy he's gotten in a while.

I'm sorry, but it's pretty hard for a straight marriage to work when both of you like to suck dick. I shouldn't say that. Gay Al and Star Jones have lasted much longer than I thought without some kind of gay scandal. It's pretty depressing. I bet you John and Gay Al meet up at the local glory hole while their wives are at work.

You can tell John can't stand her ass! He even wears headphones wherever he goes, so he doesn't have to listen to her annoying ass!

Reese Witherspoon and her best girlfriend, Jake Gyllenhaal, did a little shopping at A.P.C. in NYC today. Jake looks like he's trying to get away from her ass. Reese had to shout, "Hey Girl! Wait up! Agent Provocateur is the other way. Didn't you say you wanted a new pair of pink panties for yourself?"

I don't mind Reese, but she always looks like she's smelling a rank ass fart. I guess I would make that face if I constantly had to smell Jake's butt cum. Trust me, if you don't clean the butt cum right away it will sit in there and simmer like braised red cabbage. Well, so I've heard.

Not this shit again. Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are back at it according to reports. Apparently, Owen was seen leaving Kate's house last week and returned later in the day. The two broke up last May and have been linked to other people since. Let's see....Kate is supposedly dating Justin Timberlake who is supposedly dating Jessica Biel. I think the next natural thing to happen is for Owen and Timberlake to date. Then the slut world of Hollywood can continue to rotate.

I hope Owen has learned his lesson with Kate. She makes him do awful things to himself. Yes, she does. Besides I doubt it was Owen leaving her house. It was probably Ellen Degeneres. Ellen and Kate are totally fucking.

ABC unveiled the new Bachelor last night during "Dance Wars", but there's nothing new about this dude. It's the same shit, but this one's got an accent! His name is Matt Grant and he's British. He's a 27-year-old global financier. He told OK! that he went on the show, because he's ready to settle down. He said, “Dad had a stroke at the end of 2006 and that really shook me. I want my kids to know my father, because he was a great father to me and I want him to be a grandfather to them. I wouldn’t mind [having] three or four kids.”

Uh huh.....that's what they all say. I can already guess how this boring bowl of cous cous is going to play out. Matt will pick two boring ass bimbos. He will propose to one and they will "pretend date" for a couple of months and then he will dump her and that will be that. ABC will pick up the pieces by picking yet another slice of white bread to be the next Bachelor.

Can't they give us anything else?! Latin, Black, Asian, Tranny...anything! The British accent is not enough. That being said, I'm still going to watch it. Sigh.

Katty McPeePee has finally accomplished something in her lovely life. She's gotten married. 23-year-old Kat married 42-year-old Nick Cokas. This is her biggest achievement since coming in 2nd to that silver-haired fox on "American Idol" a few seasons ago. She must be so proud. The happy couple married yesterday in Beverly Hills. Katty wore a strapless piece of something-or-another. It doesn't really matter and you don't care.

Katty and Cokehead met in 2005 where they starred together in some Los Angeles community theater production of "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir."

Guests included Kellie Pickler and Rumer Willis. WTF! That sounds like hell. A wedding in hell!

Congrats to Katty and Cokehead! They make a beautiful couple.

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