Boring Couples

Reese Witherspoon and her best girlfriend, Jake Gyllenhaal, did a little shopping at A.P.C. in NYC today. Jake looks like he's trying to get away from her ass. Reese had to shout, "Hey Girl! Wait up! Agent Provocateur is the other way. Didn't you say you wanted a new pair of pink panties for yourself?"

I don't mind Reese, but she always looks like she's smelling a rank ass fart. I guess I would make that face if I constantly had to smell Jake's butt cum. Trust me, if you don't clean the butt cum right away it will sit in there and simmer like braised red cabbage. Well, so I've heard.

Not this shit again. Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are back at it according to reports. Apparently, Owen was seen leaving Kate's house last week and returned later in the day. The two broke up last May and have been linked to other people since. Let's see....Kate is supposedly dating Justin Timberlake who is supposedly dating Jessica Biel. I think the next natural thing to happen is for Owen and Timberlake to date. Then the slut world of Hollywood can continue to rotate.

I hope Owen has learned his lesson with Kate. She makes him do awful things to himself. Yes, she does. Besides I doubt it was Owen leaving her house. It was probably Ellen Degeneres. Ellen and Kate are totally fucking.

ABC unveiled the new Bachelor last night during "Dance Wars", but there's nothing new about this dude. It's the same shit, but this one's got an accent! His name is Matt Grant and he's British. He's a 27-year-old global financier. He told OK! that he went on the show, because he's ready to settle down. He said, “Dad had a stroke at the end of 2006 and that really shook me. I want my kids to know my father, because he was a great father to me and I want him to be a grandfather to them. I wouldn’t mind [having] three or four kids.”

Uh huh.....that's what they all say. I can already guess how this boring bowl of cous cous is going to play out. Matt will pick two boring ass bimbos. He will propose to one and they will "pretend date" for a couple of months and then he will dump her and that will be that. ABC will pick up the pieces by picking yet another slice of white bread to be the next Bachelor.

Can't they give us anything else?! Latin, Black, Asian, Tranny...anything! The British accent is not enough. That being said, I'm still going to watch it. Sigh.

Katty McPeePee has finally accomplished something in her lovely life. She's gotten married. 23-year-old Kat married 42-year-old Nick Cokas. This is her biggest achievement since coming in 2nd to that silver-haired fox on "American Idol" a few seasons ago. She must be so proud. The happy couple married yesterday in Beverly Hills. Katty wore a strapless piece of something-or-another. It doesn't really matter and you don't care.

Katty and Cokehead met in 2005 where they starred together in some Los Angeles community theater production of "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir."

Guests included Kellie Pickler and Rumer Willis. WTF! That sounds like hell. A wedding in hell!

Congrats to Katty and Cokehead! They make a beautiful couple.

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