Meth Faces

Jon Gosselin's 22-year-old girlfriend Hailey Glassman talked to People Magazine about her relationship with Kate's former punching ballsack. Yeah, I'm a little disappointed that Hailey didn't choose to break her silence on an episode of Jerry Springer. It would've been more fitting. And Kate's possum hair could have made a surprise appearance and mauled off Hailey's lopsided meth brows. Sigh.

Anypeopleprobablypaidherinrocks, Hailey said she started getting feelings for Jon after he split up with Kate in May and spent some time at her parents' house in NYC, "If you had told me a few months ago, I wouldn't have believed you." Obviously, Hailey's parents are fine with Jon rubbing his fopa all over their daughter's body, "They think of him as part of the family. They think things happen for a reason. The most important thing is if someone fits in with my family ... This is perfect. It just fits."

When asked about what kind of things they do together, Hailey left out "eating pot brownies out of each other's sex holes" but did say they like to "watch movies, play pool and ping pong. We laugh a lot because I beat him at everything. He's a great cook. He cooks roasted veggies with special seasoning and sauces, and he grills pineapple with a butter concoction."

BUTTER CONCOCTION?! Does Hailey realize People is a family publication?! We don't need to know that she likes it when Jon spreads his dick butter concoction all over her grilled pineapple. Even Sandra Lee is frowning at that.

Lastly, Hailey actually WENT THERE with Kate. People asked Hailey about what Jon likes about her and she said, "I'm a huge believer in not controlling someone. I'll give my opinion but tell him to do what he wants to do. He said, 'I'm just not used to having an option.' I told him life is about options."

THIS BITCH! I want to like Hailey, because she's a mega stoner who would totally suck a dick for a $1 cashiers check, but she didn't need to bring Kate into this. Too soon. Set your timer for six months and try again.

Hailey shouldn't be surprised when she walks down the street and every possum in the neighborhood is hissing and clawing at her ass.

Christian Bale is really fucking serious. When dude plays a crackhead, he goes all the way. He crawls into the mind of Amy Wino and doesn't let go until the last "cut" is screamed. This is Christian on the set of The Fighter in L.A. yesterday. Dude plays a boxer turned crackie. Judging by those clothes, it looks more like he's playing Screech in a dark and dramatic sequel to Saved By The Bell.

That apple is probably the only thing he's nibbled on in days. Seriously, food and him are fucking done professionally...and personally. My stomach is weeping at the thought of how he lost all that weight. He probably just hung around Lindsay HoHan for an hour or two. Learn from the best!

And I'm guessing this is what you would call "meth hair."

Figure skater Nicole Bobek, a former U.S. Champion, was busted in New Jersey for her role in a major New Jersey meth ring! Hmmm... Nope, Tonya Harding still holds the crown as the biggest piece of hot trash who used to be a figure skater. But nice try, Nicole.

The New York Daily News reports that BoBo (I'm sure that was her dealer name) was arrested in Jupiter, FL last week and brought to New Jersey to faces charges for conspiracy to distribute methamphetamine. Nicole pleaded not guilty and is currently sitting in a cell on $200,000 bail.

The prosecutor handling the case said BoBo “played a significant role in this operation. She was actively involved in the upper echelon of this ring." If found guilty, Nicole could get up to 10 years in the chokey.

If Nicole goes to the clink, she should just tell the butchies that she once licked on Tonya Harding's pulled pork sandwich. That bit of information should keep the snatches off of her for a while. Or maybe that will turn them on even more....

That puppy's eyes are broadcasting to anyone who will listen: "This hag is either going to eat me or trade me in for a speedball. Save. Me." And that puppeh has every reason to be afraid. I mean, what crack house toilet did Mischa Barton crawl out of? I'm all for the 4-day-old eye make-up look, but Mischa is not wearing it well. The world already has one Courtney Love.

Here's the girl from The Sixth Sense terrorizing puppies at the opening of Harrods' summer sale in London yesterday.

Evan Rachel Wood and Shane West played siblings on Once & Again and now they are bumping fuck parts. Cut to Sela Ward giving them a shank eye.

Last night, Evan and Shane left Bardot in West Hollywood holding each other's hands. This is a bizarre coupling, right?. If they didn't know each other from the past, I'd guess their drug dealer set them up. Evan looks like a rejected extra from the Chicago movie and Shane looks like he's been keeping busy giving hand jobs for crank money on Santa Monica Blvd. The two don't go.

That being said, a day shift gay hustler with a rock hard methface is still better than Marilyn Manson.

Peta's main hooker, Pamela Anderson, has been booked to bring her skankness to the opening of a strip club in NYC. A strip club that is also a steakhouse. A steakhouse serves meat. Meat comes from slaughtered cows. Pamela claims to get sad in the face when a cow gets it. Oh well, IN THIS ECONOMY, a bitch has got to do what a bitch has got to do to make money to buy her UGGS...which are made out of sheepskin. Pamela puts the HO in phony.

Peta quickly issued a statement to TMZ defending their biggest prosty:

"Pam is not a host but may be attending as an invited guest, and since steakhouses nowadays have some of the best salad bars and veggie options around, we're sure she'll find plenty to eat should she attend."

Oh, Peta. Don't shove a big piece of tofu in my mouth and call it juicy steak. It doesn't really bother me that Pam is whoring herself out at meat market, but I don't know if it's a match. I mean, do they really want their steakhouse associated with a giant chunk of rotten beef? Pam is not USDA-approved.

I know I'm gayer than one of Adam Lambert's dingles, but do dudes really like their pussy with a side of juicy beef. I like surf and turf, but not like this! I guess when you order medium rare beef curtains you have to be specific!

And how long do you think it will take until Heather Mills becomes a featured entertainer at this joint?

Because that shit on Mischa Barton's feet looks like the fake hidden immunity idol Taj made a few episodes back! Throw it into the fire, Jeff! Speaking of Survivor, Mischa looks like she's been on exile island for a few weeks. That's the face of a ho who has been nibbling on sand and drinking swamp water on a regular basis.

Here's more of Mischa and her tiki shoes at an event for Herbal Essence in Milan today. That's kind of ironic, because bitch needs to start putting some herbal essence in her pipe instead of that meth shit.

Some bitch dropped a wet caca on Fuggie's hair and she debuted the new look last night at the March of Dimes' Beauty Ball in NYC last night. More like the Doody Ball.

The new hair still doesn't wash out the meth from her face. In fact it makes her look even more like she's going to give you a poison apple while cackling.

If Cher got caught in a meth lab explosion, this is what she would look like after. Seriously, the diarrhea brown might look better if it was curly or some shit. The straight hair looks like two curtains framing her face. And Fuggie's face should never be the star of the show.

You know what they say? A family that gets high on meth together, stays together! Stays together in jail, I mean.

Ryan O'Neal, 67, and his son Redmond, 24, were busted in Los Angeles this morning on suspicion of meth possession. The police were doing a probation search at Ryan's house in Malibu when they found a vial of meth in Ryan's room. They searched Redmond and also found a little meth on him.

Ryan should have copied his daughter, Tatum, and said: "Um...we're researching a movie role. It's called 'The Tatum O'Neal' story and we're playing ourselves."

Both of them are currently in jail on $10,000 bail.

Just add this to Redmond's meth resume. Last year, he was arrested in Malibu for DUI and posession of meth and heroin. In 2005, he was put on probation after he was busted for coke and meth posession. Farrah Fawcett must be beaming with pride!

Ryan was arrested last year for attacking his son Griffin with a fireplace poker.

Now we know what to get the O'Neal family for Christmas, a build-your-own meth lab kit! It's something the whole family can do together!

Source: TMZ

Evan Rachel Wood must have a thing for washed up fugly ass hatchetfaces. What in the wad of hot Play-Doh hell is going on with Mickey Rourke's face?! His mug must have caught fire and someone tried to put it out with an ice pick. I swear, I'm convinced his face was a gift from Lucifer.

Here's Beauty and the Beast at the premiere of "The Wrestler." at The Venice Film Festival thingee last night. Looks like the poor bastard just spent all afternoon on the pot trying to push out a growling beast of a turd. People just don't get all sweaty and glistening like that for nothing.

If I was an interviewer on the red carpet, I would ask her, "What's it like to kiss your Frankenstein Pepaw?" She would reply, "It's not so bad, It's a lot better than sucking face with your older goth sister. Mickey has experience."

That being said, I would NOT hit it. Okay, maybe I would. But only the tip and only from the back!