Meth Faces

Meth face sex alert! TMZ reports that Jeremy Jackson, Hobie from "Baywatch," is the star of a 45-minute sex tape currently being shopped around to the highest bidder. I'll trade my half-eaten Spicy Chicken Wrapper from Burger King for it. That's saying a lot, because that shit is good.

The tape also stars former porn star turned devout Christian Sky Lopez. The Hoff must be so proud. Seriously, he's probably really proud. Jeremy issued a pretty hilarious statement about the tape:

"Listen, this video was made by my best friend. Between me and a casual sex partner who just so happened to be a former porn star. I was later physically threatened if I didn't turn the DVD over to some drug addicted thugs.

They said, 'Sky wanted it back and I didn't want to ever be seen as a porn star, that she had turned to God and was changing her life.' So I gave it up for HER and so they would not beat me up and 'make my life hell' as they had threatened. I was blackmailed. This private recording becoming public kinda sucks. But I thought people out there should know the truth and how far some people will go to make a quick buck."

Meth kills brain cells. A porn star doesn't want people to see her fucking on camera? And his best friend just happened to film it? I'm guessing a few mysterious baggies traded hands before the camera rolled. His reason sounds like the plot of an exceptionally bad episode of "Baywatch Nights."

I'm not sure how hot a Hobie sex tape would be. He looks like he has an awful case of shriveled meth dick. It probably just lays there like a sad slug in the sun. That being said, I'll gladly watch all 45-minutes of the tape. For research purposes of course.

Ethan Hawke and The Nanny said "fuck it" today by not even trying to cover up their little baby's face from the paps. Obviously, they've decided not to whore out their baby in a magazine. Ethan should have tried to work some kind of deal. He could have gotten a meal voucher from T.G.I. Friday's or possibly half of a joint. Oh well, maybe next time.

Here's more of Ethan, The Nanny and 1-week-old Clementine Jane in NYC. She's precious. It's a good thing she didn't inherit her daddy's greasy meth face. Seriously, he looks like he should be selling me an 8-ball, not carrying around a little baby.

Meth faced Ethan Hawke and his new wifey, Ryan Shawhughes, had a baby last Friday in NYC reports UsWeekly. Her name is MyDaddyIsACheatingSkeeze Hawke. No, her name is Clementine Jane Hawke. Like the orange or like the song. "Oh my Darling, oh my Darling, oh my Darling Clementine!"

Ethan and Ryan met while she worked as his nanny when he was still married to Uma Thurman. They made it legal last month. Clementine is Ethan's third kid.

If this dumb bitch needs to hire a nanny, she better use the Fug & Fat Manny Agency. I don't know if there is such a thing, but there should be.

Meth face alert! Did somebody order an extra sausage pizza? Snoop Dogg's wifey, Shante Broadus, needs to travel with her own personal airbrusher just in case situations like this one should come up. The drunk bitch was driving around Fullerton, CA a little after midnight on Saturday when she was pulled over by the cops.

She was arrested and later released with a citation. Bail is not needed in DUI arrests in Fullerton. DAMN! Fullerton is the place to party.

At least homegirl wasn't hot boxing. I mean, she is Snoop Dogg's wife.

Hopefully, something good can come out of all of this. Maybe Proactiv will fall in love with Shante's rock face and offer her a contract! "Hi! My name is Shante Broadus. If you're going to get arrested for DUI, at least do it with clear skin. That's why I use Proactiv!"

Source: TMZ

At first, I thought this was Jamie Lynn on the cover of People magazine. Still would've made sense. No, it's little Stephanie Tanner! She's dropped the meth pipe and picked up the baby bottle. Whoever wrote that cover line deserves a hand job and a can of Country Club malt liquor.

Source: Cover Awards

Naturally, CNN's Richard Quest has followed up his embarrassing arrest last Friday by checking into rehab. Richie was arrested last week after cops found him wandering in Central Park after park curfew. He admitted to the cops that he was carrying meth. In a search, cops later found a rope around his neck which was tied to his genitals. Oh and they found a sex toy in his shoe too. He's a walking party!

CNN issued this statement about Richie going into rehab:

"At this time, CNN's primary concern is for his health and wellbeing. We look forward to Richard returning to CNN International."

Anderson Cooper issued his own statement, "Better him than me." He didn't say that, but someone needs to ask him about this mess.

During Richie's arraignment last Saturday, he agreed to undergo drug counseling for six months in order to avoid time in jail.

Couldn't Richie wait until June for Celebrity Rehab 2?! I need him to show me what kind of knot he used to keep the rope around his genitals. I've been trying, but I can't seem to get it right. Richie needs to show me the way.

Source

I give Heidi Fleiss an "A for effort" for trying to cover up her methface with a zillion plastic surgery procedures. Unfortunately, all the injecting and prodding has brought the meth out even more. Mega methface! Heidi is hoping to get the meth out of her life for good by joining the cast of "Celebrity Rehab 2" with Dr. Drew.

Heidi told Radar that filming begins the second week of June. She joked, "My dream is to be on Celebrity Rehab ... how did I get so lucky? I have a substance abuse problem, and I want to deal with it. I will take it seriously. " This will be Heidi's fourth time at the rodeo. She said her problems are meth and Vicodin, "If I want my Vicodin I'm going to take my Vicodin. And if I want a little of that crystal meth."

Heidi kept the jokes coming, "Rush Limbaugh's my idol, though. He takes 30 OxyContin a day and does that radio show." She's totally not joking.

Good luck to Heidi! You can take the meth out of the girl, but you can't take the meth out of her face. Sadly...

Brit Brit was out in full force last night. She led the paps through a high-speed chase in Woodland Hills stopping to "use the bathroom" twice. Once in a Walgreens and another time in a gas station where she came out holding her nose. She can't even stand the stench of her own dump! She then cursed out the paps, because they wouldn't let her take a picture of them. After that she grabbed one of the paps and told everyone "They were dating" and led him to The Peninsula Hotel. He didn't come out until after 4am where he told everyone he "needed a cigarette."

Shudder.......I don't even want to know where his lips have been. The taste of cheetos will never be the same for me. You know she sticks the cheeto in and then makes him suck it off....I'll stop.

TMZ has the video

Images:Wenn, INFDaily.com