Brandon Davis

Wednesday, July 16th 2008

How Does This Happen?

According to InTouch Weekly, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are no longer licking each other's pussies. Miranda has apparently already picked herself up a rebound and his name is Greasy Bear aka Fat Elvis aka Brandon Davis. SUCIO! You would save money on lube by fucking Greasy Bear, but your dignity would never be the same. That's if you have dignity in the first place.

Miranda and Greasy Bear reportedly did fuckey fuckey times back in November but they both denied it. Recently, they were spotted "canoodling" at two clubs in NYC. Canoodling with Greasy Bear must be like taking a vaseline shower.

A witness said, "They were full on making out. They didn’t seem to care who saw." A source said that Miranda always goes to Greasy Bear when she has a fight with Orlando. Her spokesbitch denies she's split with Orlando.

I mean, how does one even start fucking Greasy Bear? Did she slip on his greasy puddle and accidentally land on his dick made of lard? I'm the whoriest whore whoever whored and I still wouldn't get with that. Ok.....I lie. I'd lick the tip, but just because I like the taste of Crisco.

Posted by: Michael K


Monday, March 17th 2008

Greasy Tears

Somebody needs to tell Greasy Bear that McDonald's is hiring. It would be a match made in greasy heaven! Greasy is reportedly broke as fuck and doesn't have a greasy den to call his own. Page Six reports that Greasy has been crashing on the couch of Scott Storch. Unfortunately, it looks like he's not welcomed back. One night after partying with Scott, Greasy crashed on his sofa. Scott woke up the next morning to find Greasy gone. His $100,000 watch was also missing.

A source said, "The next morning, when Scott got up, Brandon was already gone - and so was Scott's $100,000 diamond encrusted watch that had been in the same room the night before. Scott called Brandon and told him the watch was missing but, 'It's OK - I just got a new security system, so everything's on tape.'"

A source said that Greasy immediately started crying and promised Scott he would bring the watch back. Scott felt bad, so didn't call the police. When asked about the incident, Scott said, "I heard about this. Give peace a chance."

If you leave your douchey $100,000 watch unprotected near Greasy Bear, you deserve to have that shit snatched. Fuck, I would lock up my refrigerator and pantry if Greasy Bear stayed on my sofa. I would also have to cover the sofa with industrial strength plastic.

Posted by: Michael K


Monday, January 14th 2008

Brandon Davis Has Too Much Money

Greasy Bear was detained by airport officials in Sydney on Saturday, because he had too much money on him. Greasy reportedly had over $10,000 in cash. He was questioned for a couple of hours before being released. Airport officials were most likely perplexed as to how this hog got his hands on so much money. I thought he was broke. Paris Hilton probably gave him the money after he agreed to pick off all her crabs.

Greasy showed off a much slimmer bod in Australia. A steady diet of coke and cigs will do that to a body. He probably finally shit out all the grease build up in his body.

Image: Pacific Coast News

Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, December 26th 2007

Even He's In Hawaii?!

 
.....the hell?! All these fat, greasy whores get to be in Hawaii, but we don't. Something is seriously screwed up in this world. I thought Brandon Davis was broke as a joke! Maybe he's there as Paris Hilton's official genital wart popper.  
 
Okay, isn't he just a bit attractive? I mean...just a bit? You'd probably let him finger bang you. No lube required!
 
For someone who looks so damn dirty, he sure does have perfectly coiffed eyebrows!  
 
 
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Friday, December 21st 2007

This One's Gonna Last

 
This is turning out to be one of Parasite Hilton's longest relationships. Things probably work with the Swedish Pizza Boy, because he can't understand a word that comes out of her vapid head. Poor boy is DOOMED. He's pretty now, but spending more time with Paris will only suck the pretty right out of him. 
 
Here's these two being gross with Fat Elvis last night in Los Angeles.  
 
 
 
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, December 12th 2007

Waiter, There's Some Grease In My Soup

 
Guess who was having lunch with Fat Elvis aka Greasy Bear aka Brandon Davis yesterday? The one and only Fuggie Fug. Figures she'd dine with him. Two dirty birdies. She should dump that hot bitch Josh Duhamel and go with Fat Elvis instead. I'm sure he would be ok with her accidentally pissing in the sack. You know she does. He'd rub all over it, lick it and beg for more.
 
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, November 14th 2007

One Big Blob Of Grease

 
Brandon Davis aka Fat Elvis aka Greasy Bear went to the Frederic Fekkai salon this past weekend for a little hair trim. This bitch was so greasy and oily that the shampoo person had to wear gloves while washing his hair. The hairstylist also wore rubber gloves to deal with his oil mop.
 
A source told Page Six, "He [Davis] was really out of it, sweating profusely. His eyes were half shut and he was asking for carrot juice, even after they told him they only had orange juice."
 
Maybe that fat fuck is trying to lose weight and taking that Alli crap? Everyone tells me Alli makes you shit pizza grease. Since Fat Elvis is full of shit it makes sense that his pores are oozing that oil shit grease. Sexy.
 
Hey, at least you don't need lube when he sticks it in the poop shoot.  
 
Image: Wenn
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Wednesday, August 15th 2007

Red Eye

Fat Elvis tried desperately to hide a bloody eye as he left Opera in Hollywood with Paris Hilton last night. TMZ has video of FE trying to dodge the cameras, but click here to see a full-on shot.

He obviously really really needs to go out, because I would hide under the covers if my eye was looking like that.

Cum shot to the eye!

Posted by: Michael K


Saturday, July 14th 2007

He's Probably Asking To Borrow Some Cash

 
Page Six reports that Fat Elvis is a broke ass bitch. Reportedly he's been cutt off by his wealthy family for not getting his shit together. He was sent to rehab, but according to sources that did absolutely nothing. His family is tired of him "using and abusing" and no longer want to pay for his dirty habits.
 
He's also been asking for cash from friends, but nobody's willing to help. Sources say he's also been crashing at Scott Storch's Miami pad. Fat Elvis infamously bounced a $10,000 check to Joe Francis a couple of years ago. He was also on camera calling Lindsay Lohan "poor." Now who's the poor piece of trash?
 
While in Miami Fat Elvis has been hanging out with a model friend. Dumb ho probably doesn't know he's broke. A good golddigger will always do her research.
 
Here's Fat Elvis with Kim KardASSian at a fashion show in Miami yesterday. She's probably telling him they can make some dough if they release a sex tape together. SICK! A Fat Elvis sex tape would kill the porn industry. Nobody wants to see that oily dick in action. The only good thing about fucking FE would be that no lube is required.  
 
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


Thursday, July 12th 2007

It's Love

 
 
TMZ has ID'ed Fat Elvis' new call girl gal pal as Australian model, Cheyenne Tozzi. The two have been "canoodling" all over Miami. Some may think she's in it for the money, but I thought his fat ass was broke as a joke? I guess not.
 
I bet she's listed in the Yellow Pages or in the back of the Village Voice.
 
Also....will he please get ANOTHER FUCKING SHIRT! I've seen him wear that like a zillion times and you know he never EVER washes it. 
 
 
 
 
 
Posted by: Michael K


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