Small Ones

He Pingping, the world's tiniest man, will be buried in the world's tiniest coffin in the world's tiniest plot with the world's tiniest tombstone on top of it after he passed away on Saturday in Italy. Pingping was just 21-years-old.

Pinping was in Rome shooting a television show when he complained of chest pains. He was taken to the hospital, but doctors couldn't save him. The Telegraph believes that he died of heart complications, but this hasn't been confirmed.

Guinness World Records declared Pingping the smallest man alive in March 2008. Pingping measured in at 29 inches tall. The editor-in-chief of Guinness said these kind words about Pingping:

''From the moment I laid on eyes on him I knew he was someone special - he had such a cheeky smile and mischievous personality, you couldn't help but be charmed by him. He brightened up the lives of everyone he met, and was an inspiration to anyone considered different or unusual.''

Rest in peace, Pingping.

It's common knowledge that The Insider is the new therapist's couch, so it's not surprising that the evil goblin with the giant temper went there to discuss his marriage problems with some broad named Lisa Bloom. When Lisa got on Gary Coleman for allegedly abusing his wife, he exploded into a tornado of "fuck offs" before jumping off of his booster seat and storming back to the playroom.

You know, I'm with Gary. Does this Lisa chick know who Gary Coleman is (answer: probably not)? You do not talk to Gary like that without giving him lollipop first. Fuck Lisa Bloom! Fuck Lara Whatever! And FUCK all of them!

That being said, Gary was lying when he said he doesn't have a volatile relationship with anybody. It's obvious that Gary has a volatile relationship with lotion, because they haven't touched each other for years. Seriously, can the heavens open up and shower Gary with Baby Oil?

And are you making the waffles or am I?

During Hailey Glassman's interview with the prestigious Steppin' Out...Of The Port-A-Potty At A Warrant Concert Magazine, she said that her ex-boyfriend Jon Grosselin is "hung like a 9-year-old boy" and his peen is about 3 inches long. Kate Major, who also took a ride on Jon's button mushroom, co-signs Hailey's claim to Life & Style Magazine. Yes, it has come to this. We are talking in detail about Jon Gosselin's dick. Do you think it's too late for me to sign-up for classes at DeVry?

Anyababyhamstercoulddeepthroatjon, Kate says, "Jon was pretty boring and nothing exciting. I'm surprised he's so 'cocky' because down there he's not." Kate also said that she and Hailey would laugh about Jon's dick all the time.

Okay, Jon might have a dick that looks like half a piece of canned baby corn that has been left by the side of the road and pecked at by pigeons, but those two dumb bitches licked on it numerous times! Their clits had sword fights with Jon's fetus dick (and their clits won) plenty of times! So who is the small penis now?

And do you think sucking on Jon's dick is like sucking on one Bai Ling's nipples? On that note, I'm off to DeVry.com!

Joe Rogan, who got famous for yelling at hos to drink the rat milkshake faster on Fear Factor, has himself a little admirer. An admirer who peeks at his peen in the locker room after Jiu-Jitsu training. Joe tries to play like this bothers his ass, but you know he wants everyone's eyeballs glued to his "hog." But let's play along with Joe.

Joe decided that it was time to catch the hog watcher by recording him in the act. This is where it starts to get really weird. A huge part me (mostly every part but my no-no) thinks this is staged. Why would the boy be so damn obvious while a camera is on him? I know that whenever I play a game of peek-a-peen in the locker room, I always disguise myself as a pile of towels. This kid isn't even trying. But he's probably only staring because Joe's dick is shaped like a pig's tail, which would explain why he keeps calling it a "hog."

And you may want to turn down the volume before hitting play on this wreck. Unless your name is David Beckham, you probably aren't used to the sound of pigs snorting.

via Videogum

There's a lot here for your eyeballs to digest. Actually, I don't think they will get to the digest part. You better line your keyboard with Saran wrap just in case.

Here's Hayden Panatroll and her boyfriend Ukrainian boxer Wladimir Klitschko at some event in Hamburg, Germany this past weekend. The suffocating pecs. The pony tail that was tied with a pair of feet. The fact that she's 5'1". The fact that he's 6'6". And the fact that she looks like she can easily get away with ordering off the kid's menu without getting carded. Mother Goose needs to whip her BIC out and write a folktale based on these two.

And you know what the saddest part is? They probably can't 69 without stretching hours before! Wladimir could break his neck bone in two just trying to touch her troll cooch with the tip of his tongue. Dude can only lightly blow on it through a long straw.

Keebler cookies will not taste as sweet today thanks to this sad picture of the sad tiny nugget (copyright: Chelsea Handler) known as Gary Coleman leaving the jail house in a wheelchair. Gary was arrested this past weekend and charged with domestic abuse. Gary was forced to sit in a jail cell for a while, because he couldn't afford to pay the $1,725 bail. But someone took pity on Gary and finally bailed him out. It wasn't Pearl the maid.

A Utah business man who goes by the named of Jarrod Clarke tells KSL.com that he bailed Gary out of jail, because he's always been a fan. Gary's RED RUM mug shot stroked at Jarrod's soul, so he felt that he should help him out. Jarrod said, "To see that he was sitting in there -- and he'd been there for 27 hours -- and bail was only $1,700, I thought somebody probably ought to do something." Gary's wife called Jarrod from her stable to thank him.

HOWEVER, the plot thins! The producers of Gary's upcoming straight-to-nothing movie Midgets vs. Mascots claim they are the ones who put the cash up for his bail. They told E! that they agreed to bail Gary out as long as he lets them use footage his stunt dick in the movie, "The producers simply agreed to bail out Mr. Coleman as an olive branch and to avoid any potential litigation."

Speaking of olive branches, click here if you haven't yet seen the peen the producers are trying to pass as Gary's. A fun sized Snickers bar would've been more realistic.

If that was really Gary's dick, Gay Al Reynolds would've used some of his Lip Glass (it keeps his no-no moist) money to bail the leprechaun out himself!

(Image: Pacific Coast News)

Gary Coleman is not only the size of the Energizer Bunny, but he also has the tenacity of that bitch! Just a few days ago, Gary was rushed to the hospital after he had a seizure. Well, Gary didn't let that shit interfere with his trick whoopin' ways, because the goblin was arrested in Utah yesterday on domestic assault. This mug shot was born from that arrest. It looks like a promo picture for a children's theater production of The Shining. RED RUM: "Watchoo talkin' about, Wendy?"

The NYDN reports that cops put Gary into a pair of Fisher Price handcuffs at 1:30 in the afternoon on Sunday and took him in for one count of misdemeanor domestic assault. It's unclear as to when the incident took place.

Since Gary could easily slip through jail bars, the cops threw him into a padded cat carrier. Bail has been set at $1,725, but Gary can't come up with the cash so he's still in jail this morning.

The victim's name is being kept under wraps, but it's safe to assume that it's either his wife or maybe a three-legged puppy. Let's go with the former since Gary has a history bringing the rage on her. In the past, she claimed that he threw a fax machine. Gary's wife was also arrested in July and charged with one count of misdemeanor domestic violence.

One of my friends (imaginary, of course) sent me Gary's mug shot and said it will chew at my ankles in my nightmares tonight. That's not going to happen to me since every time I look at Gary's mug shot I see THIS:

Yeah, not that scary. And if that doesn't work on you, just picture him standing on 3 phone books. That might make it less nightmare-inducing.

The other day, Gary Coleman had to be calmed down with a bag of animal crackers and a milk box after he threw a tantrum over the producers of his movie Midgets vs. Mascosts using a dick double in one of the scenes.

Gary asked his fans to just say no to the movie, "I wanted all my fans to protest my penis being in the movie, because I didn't want that. It's a body double, I believe, because I certainly was not gonna do this. And I heard that the body double is ugly, and is unattractive, and does not make me look good."

Well, Rhymes with Snitch claims they got a hold of a screen shot featuring the dick double. It's waiting for you after the jump. You might want to hold on to something sturdy and a put a piece of duct tape over your mouth so you don't wake the children. (NSFW) JUMP!

You know what this Tiger Woods Three (Hundred) Whore Circus has been missing? NEKKIDNESS! Specifically, nekkidness in peen form. Well, Life & Style says that Playgirl is on the case! Yes, the same Playgirl who never ponied up Levi Johnston's Alaskan meat. So don't hold your genitals.

Playgirl's spokeswhore Daniel Nardicio says that they have pictures of Tiger's peen in their warm crotches. Apparently, the pics came from one of Tiger's many mistresses. Playgirl said they are trying to find out if the pictures are of Tiger or just some random wang. Daniel said, "We're currently trying to authenticate the photos before we make any decisions on purchasing the Tiger Woods pics and ascertaining the value."

Unless Tiger's face or body is in the pictures, how are they going to prove that shit? This is a job for Gay Al Reynolds! Gay Al's peendar is the best in the business (sorry, Tommy Girl). Gay Al's double glazed donut hole can correctly match up a dude's clothed crotch with a picture of his naked dick. Every time!

And if you're impatient like me and don't want to wait to see tiger dick, CLICK HERE!

In 2006, a tape featuring Kid Pebble and Scott Stopp (on purpose typo) getting their used tampons sucked by a bunch of skanky groupies made the internet rounds. In a new interview with Spin Magazine (via HuffPo), the Christian banger says that he did not have sex in the biblical sense on tape. You know, because it isn't considered "sex," unless it's in the missionary position, on your marital bed, with all the lights off and at least one of you are crying out of shame.

Scott told the magazine, "Well, there's no sex on the sex tape. For it to get characterized that way, I mean, that kind of sucks." I'll say it sucks.

Do we really need someone to sit Scott down, hold his hand and tell him how this "sex" thing works? Scott is probably one of those fucktards who thinks that sticking the tip in and twerking the dick just a little doesn't count as an intimate act. The bible says that when all else fails, just scream, "IT WAS JUST THE TIP!"

Scott Stump (another OPT) went on to fart that getting a dick job next to Kid Rock made things a little awkward between them, "What sucks about that is Bob -- Kid Rock -- and I were friends. He'd been over to my house and we jammed and hung out. We were in Tampa playing with Metallica, and I walked into his trailer and there were some strippers. It's a time in his life and a time in my life that we'd like to put behind us and not publicize because we have children now, and they're in school, and their friends read. I know he was pretty pissed off at me when that came out. We haven't sat down face-to-face. I did apologize to him that I didn't just burn that thing. I thought that was a skeleton in the closet that would never find the light of day."

But have they sat down face-to-ass? That was a trick question.

And in case you haven't seen this, here's the trailer for that never-released video of Scott and Kid Pebble not having sex with a bunch of strippers in a bus: