Small Ones

Anybody in the mood for a soggy Snausage? Or how about a mangled egg roll? I've got both of those things here for you! This past week, nekkid pictures of Kate Gosselin's hair twin (aka Shawn from Vh1's Tool Academy) and 6 Gauge from Daisy of Love hit the internets. Don't get all excited. It's not going to make your no-no slobber. Bring your dipping sauce and get yourself a mini-weiner after the jump. And it's totally NSFW. Well, unless you work at Hickory Farms. JUMP!!!!

Tiny person Christina Ricci and enormous person Owen Benjamin are no longer getting married. Shits. That means no adorable picture of him picking her up by the arms to kiss her after they are pronounced giant and gnome.

Once source tells People that they broke off their engagement this past weekend, "Owen had a birthday party this past Sunday, and everything seemed fine. Sometime after, they got into a fight and decided to reevaluate things. [Then] the engagement was off." Another source said that their big little romance was over before then, "They talk almost every day. It was a very mature decision and they both felt good about it. They're definitely still friends."

Hum. I wonder what went wrong? I'm guessing Christina was sick of Owen poking out her organs whenever they did sexy times. She probably already lost one kidney when he hit it from the back and wasn't happy when he popped a hole in her stomach while she rode him.

Seriously, it would totally kill the love if your man was effing up your insides (and not in a good way). It just wasn't worth it. Now Christina is free to skip off and find a dude who doesn't almost suffocate her ass to death when they cuddle. I wonder if Verne Troyer is still single?

I never even heard about Spectacular from Pretty Ricky before he started grinding his shit all over the internet and I doubt I'm alone. Obviously, since his music career has flat-lined, Spectacular is trying to become the premiere ass shaker of YouTube. Jessica Simpson, take note!

In his encore performance, Spectacular continues to serve up laughs and dry heaves by violating a chair. I can almost see tears streaming down that chair's leg when Spectacular starts dry humping that shit. I think I even see lipstick on him!!! CHAIR ABUSE! Seriously, what in the rent-to-own Hell is he doing to that poor chair! He's trying to make little chair babies with that thing. He's even doing ass-to-mouth with it! It did not sign up for this! We really have to start protecting our chairs, because this will never be right.

The unprotected fuckery starts at the 1:30 mark in the video below.

Before signing on to do the movie Two Lovers, the biggest TIT of them all Fishsticks Paltrow had the director of the movie inspect her organic hush puppies to make sure they were okay for public viewing. The movie's director, James Gray, said Fishy called him into her trailer to have a look.

James told The Sun, “Gwyneth told me ‘I don't care about nudity, I'll give you everything you need. But I've had two children and I just don't think they look very good any more. Do me a favor, come into my trailer and I'll show them to you and if you think they look OK I'll do it.' So I marched in there and I told her they looked great.”

I hope Fishy will cover this in her next issue of POOP! Need validation?! Ask some random film director to approve of your sloppy titty sacks so you can feel good about yourself.

Peep at Fishy's mini-dumpling after the jump. Bring the tartar sauce and JUMP!!!

While going through pictures of Christina Ricci and her colossal fiance strolling through Los Angeles, my eyes started flickering and automatically gazed upon the luscious beauty behind them stealing the shot. Be still my heart! Christina Ricci is thinking she got this picture, but little does she know that the scene was stolen by a hot piece with an afro bigger than her whole body! Afro lady is taking us higher! Sorry, Ricci. You could never compete with glamour like that.

Anyway, here's the Jolly Green Giant and Little Green Sprout leaving Arc Light Cinemas yesterday foolishly thinking they are the stars of the minute. NOT.

The island of Maui is still getting violated by HoHan and company. Yesterday, HoHan actually bathed herself in some tide pool with her sister Benjamina Button and other friends. HoHan also made friends with an island dog! Well, it was a one-sided friendship. Methinks he was just waiting for the greasy bone to stop moving so he could bite into it. Luckily, he didn't get his chance or he'd be spitting out dried crack fungus and fan tan smegma for the rest of the week.

I know I keep saying that HoHan looks like her diet consists of coke balls, Red Bull, nicotine and Juciy Fruit, but does she really look that beat? I mean, yes she's a crack hit away from looking like a post-Blaaaake Wino and I can count all her rib bones without my contacts on, but is it that bad? Take a good look. A good look...... Okay it is. Now I know why we eat food.

Here's more of my own, my love, my precioussssssssss in Hawaii.

These two videos are probably part of some viral campaign for Gary Coleman's new straight-to-the-stoop-sale movie Midgets vs. Mascots, but it still feels like he's speaking from his very soul. Gary just wants to stomp on his agent's (he has one of those?!) feet for setting him up on this busted down movie! Gary admits that he has to take work so he can keep buying printers to throw at his Amazon ginge of a wifey! It's a hard life.

Gary Coleman is oh-so-angry. And I really like grouch Gary. It's pretty fucking hilarious when little people curse! I mean, he screams, "Get the fuck off me, you asshole!" and he's probably wearing some shit from Baby Gap while doing so! That's comedy.

And in the clip below, Gary gives his 2 cents (he wants change back) about white people. I think he's mostly just talking about his wife. I think.

Okay, Hollywood can now stop remaking shit, because here's an epic original story that's begging to be turned into a silver-screen trilogy. It has everything you need: a lost midget, a chihuahua, a forest, helicopters, friendship and true love! And it happened in real life! Mary-Kate Trollsen, call your agent!

It all started when the 45-year-old tiny lady who goes by the name of Beverley Burkitt decided to go for a morning walk with her chihuahua, Pebbles, near the camp site they were staying at in North Wales. Beverley went deep into the forest before realizing she dropped her cell phone somewhere. She also realized she was fucking lost! Instead of getting lost even more, Beverley sat her little ass down with Pebbles and waited for help to come. They weren't found until the next morning after a ground team and helicopters were sent out.

3'8" Beverley thanks 7" Pebbles for keeping her safe and warm through the night. She told The Sun, “Pebbles lay across my legs overnight and kept me warm. I was wearing a coat but it wasn’t as warm as Pebbles. I wasn’t too worried as I knew I’d be found sooner or later."

Don't ask me how Beverley got lost in a forest. I was under the impression that little people knew their way around every forest. Like it was a gene they were born with. But thankfully, Pebbles was there. This is why you should bring a chihuahua with you wherever you go. They SAVE lives! Although, something tells me after a few hours Pebbles was starting to look at Beverley like she was a little delicious chicken wing.

(Thanks Fay)

It's a good thing that Gregorio Marsiaj is hand hugging his own peen, because if Eva Herzigova tried, she'd probably poke his off dick head with one of her damn bones. Or her wrist could snap off and that would just kill the moment. I mean, she's basically the size of a pencil dick. Homegirl could put a colored condom (not even magnum-sized) over her whole body, add a belt and then hit the town.

Seriously, somebody in these pictures needs to feed this ho a sand pie filled with sea crabs for protein. But I shouldn't put on the hate too much, because her bony ass landed a semi-hot Italian millionaire. And how much do you want to make a bet that when Gregorio was a teenager he was caught jacking off to the skeleton in science class more than once?

In Verne's defense, the doll is just his size. But this shit makes me flashback to his retina-killing sex tape. The two screen shots are pretty much the same. Verne needs to learn how to kiss without involving his little lizard tongue. After this shit went down, that plastic baby doll tried to throw itself in a fire.

Verne got sexy with the baby doll while making a movie with his fellow Celebrity Big Brother housemates. Verne had to pretend that the doll was Mutya Buena, who recently quit the show. Verne tells the doll, "Hey, Mutya. I know you wanna leave, but before you go can you just save a spot in bed for me and I will give you some special loving. We don’t have to tell anyone else. Hey - do you want to ride my scooter?" Click here to watch the scene, but I can't guarantee that Chris Hansen won't come up behind you and ask you to talk for a minute. Or that PedoBear will tap your on the shoulder and give you the thumbs up. Seriously, this feels like some pedo shit.

Some viewers of CBB skeeved out by the whole thing and have sent in letters. They said that a "grown man" shouldn't be getting it on with a baby doll. The words "grown man" needed to be italicized and pressed into quotes for obvious reasons.

And after Verne convinces the plastic baby doll not to throw itself in a fire, methinks he's going to marry it and make a million itty bitty plastic babies with it. They are totally going to look like this.

Thanks Rebecca