Melanie B

I've made jokes about how Blohan will soon have to shake her freckled coke bag tittays for an 8-ball and now it looks like she actually might have to. Juggle them chichis for some sugar!

Over the weekend, Blohan went to the opening night of Peepshow, an ass and titty show in Las Vegas starring Scary Spice and Kelly Monaco. Fox News says Blohan was there to meet with the show's creator Jerry Mitchell about possibly replacing Kelly Monaco in three-months. One source said Blohan can't wait, because she really is a triple threat. She's a triple threat alright! Bitch is a master snorter, sucker and blower. Blohan thinks that doing the show will give her theater cred. Yeah, because learning how to do figure eights with nipple tassles while thrusting your pussay bone is really going to convince Broadway producers to cast her as Nora in A Doll's House. Stick that on your resume under "other talents."

The saddest and most hilarious part is that Blohan has to compete against Holly Madison and Brooke Burke for the role! That hurts like a dick after daggering. Next stop: pushing racks of clothes as an extra on The City!

You know, maybe this isn't such a bad idea. I mean, not only is Las Vegas the perfect place for a cokey-brained booze-slut, but one of my idols in life, Nomi Malone, went from truck stop prostitute to titty star and it worked out so well for her. Blohan is totally the new Nomi Malone! "Different places!"

I hope Scary Spice's next vacation is on her own private island after she rapes Eddie Murphy of all his "Shrek" money. He was just going to use that money on tranny hookers anyway. Scary better beef up her security though. Remember the tranny hooker that Eddie got caught with in '97? Poor bitch died a year later after she fell off a roof. Note to Scary: Stay on the ground floor.

Here's Scary vacaying in Miami with her creepy husband. What is with these chicks marrying skeezy ass men? He strikes me as one of those dudes that spends hours and hours on the computer while his chick is asleep. I'm speaking from experience. There's nothing worse than waking up to the simultaneous sounds of dick and keyboard strokes. I had this one boyfriend that loved internet porn. I think he was addicted. One time I woke up in the middle of the night and caught him jacking it to porn. He looked over at me, but didn't fucking stop. Can you believe this shit?! That motherfucker didn't even put down his dick to ask "Having trouble sleeping? Need some warm milk?" It was probably better that way, because his warm milk was the last thing I needed. Besides, that shit was curdled. Chunky jizz.

Eddie Murphy has never seen his 11-month-old daughter by Scary Spice. He isn't planning on seeing her anytime soon either. According to The National Enquirer, Eddie claims Scary told him she was on the pill and that she tricked him into getting her knocked up. A source said, "What was supposed to be a casual relationship ended with her having his baby and taking him to court for millions." Yes, because she also forced him to not wear a condom and bust a nutty professor inside her. She also wants his millions, because all the millions she already has is not enough. That makes a lot of sense.

Eddie's lawyer claims he paid Scary $15,000 a month while she was pregnant and even covered her medical expenses. They are still fighting over child support. Scary reportedly wants a $9 million house and living expenses for the next 18 years. Damn, I guess she does want more millions. Go on then!

Eddie plans to see his daughter, Angel Iris Murphy Brown, when she's older. "He says he will have to wait until Angel is older before he can get to know her without any interference from her mother."

That's a good idea. That way Murphy Brown will be old enough to tell him to fuck off!

The Spice Girls announced that are cutting their world tour short, because of "family commitments" and touring logistics. They have already performed in Europe, UK, Canada and the US. They were supposed to go on until June playing dates in South Africa, Australia, China and Argentina, but will end their shit in Toronto on February 26th instead. Their management denies they are ending due to poor ticket sales.

The Daily Mirror reports that they aren't ending the tour, because of the reasons they gave. They are ending it, because they hate each other again. Scary and Sporty apparently are completely over it. Scary wants to get back to her family and Sporty is afraid it will jeopardize her solo career.

Menopause is a bitch. Listen, these hos made a commitment and they should see it out. Quitting a commitment is not "girl power." That is "girl laziness." Pop the hormones, put on those hideous outfits, show the camel toe and get the hell out and lip-synch like there's no tomorrow.

A friend of Eddie Murphy told the News of the World that Scary Spice and Eddie only fucked three times! The source claims that's why Eddie was so surprised when she announced she was having his baby. Apparently, Eddie was not in love with Scary, but she was infatuated with him. Oh please! She just wanted that money.

The source claims that now Scary is asking for a lot of shit. The source said that Scary has proposed a settlement to Eddie. "Mel said all the problems would go away if Eddie agreed to her demands for a $9MILLION (that's £4.5million) house in Malibu plus living expenses for 18 YEARS."

I'm surprised to hear they had sex at all, let alone three times. I pictured Eddie jacking on Scary's butt while watching tranny porn. Scary probably immediately threw Eddie off of her and cleaned his sperm off her ass and froze that shit! Bitch isn't dumb. She probably called the Spice Girls to come over and help inseminate herself with a turkey baster.

Those Spice Girls don't have any kind of musical talents, but they sure know how to trap a man and take his cash. Ask Posh!

The Spice Girls attended Roberto Cavalli's show in Milan yesterday and Posh was looking so subdued. Bitch must have let that little "worst-dressed" title get to her. Either that or she's recovering from some surgery. She seriously looks like a Palm Beach socialite on recovery. Facelift! Scary Spice looks just that....Scary! At first I thought Venus Williams got herself a new weave.

The Spice Girls performed on the finale of the U.K.'s "Strictly Come Dancing" and I must say it didn't tear out my ear drums completely. They sang "2 Become 1" and they sang it live. Surprisingly enough, Posh's singing didn't have me running for the ear bleach. Bitch can't sing by no means and she should really just stand there and look pretty. She sort of sounds she's singing through the ass of a cow.

Click here if you can't see the video

Thanks Carly