Rihanna

Most of you will think this dress looks like barfed up cous cous with a side of asparagus, but I love it. I love it because it makes Rihanna looks like the Alien Princess she is. All she's missing is a crown made from the bones of her fallen alien soldiers. She looks like Ra from "Stargate." Love...it...

Here's Princess RiRi at Clive Davis' shindig last night.

Splashnewsonline.com

Is her royal alien highness, RiRi, auditioning for "Chicago" or something? This outfit only belongs in 2 places: a Broadway stage and an "I Love Lucy" episode. There was this hot ass outfit that Lucy always wore on the show. It looked just like this, but Lucy wore a chiffon dress over that crap. I really think RiRi used her alien powers to break into the Lucy archive closet and snatch this number out.

Here's RiRi at an InStyle Magazine party last night in Hollywood.

Splash

Rihanna was at Macy's in NYC today whoring out her umbrella collection. She's just making that money. I'm a little disappointed that the umbrella isn't covered with her picture with the words "ella ella" written all over it and that it doesn't play her song when open it followed with a voice-over telling you that her album is in stores now. Her marketing team is slacking.

The alien princess is looking darling as always. I just want to pinch her cute cheeks and then kick her in the shins. I'll ignore the fact that her shoes don't match her make-up which really bothers me. What kind of homo is styling her? Her new hair is very Zac Efron, very alter boy.

That umbrella may not play music, but it's still pretty gay looking. Sorry, I only carry the cheap ass $3 umbrellas from the deli. They always seem to turn inside out when you need them most which makes it really easy to abandon them in cabs. No commitment umbrellas.

Splashnewsonline.com

Sorry! That's the first thing I think of when I see a Got Milk ad. I think to myself, "That must be some neurotic dude that gets his load so perfectly neat on the upper lip like that." Patrick Bateman from American Pyscho probably delivers his that way.

RiRi looks hot though.

Splash

Rihanna landed at the NRJ Music Awards in Cannes, France last night wearing something from her home planet. She also showed off her newly cut hair. Whoever did it was in a damn rush. The back looks like it was cut using safety scissors. She needs to destroy the bitch that did that to her.

I really want the Alien Princess to train an army of dancing aliens to take down Tommy Girl and Xenu. She can do it. Think about it RiRi. Your help is needed.