Hilary Swank

As we all sing "The Bluest Eyes in Texas" next to Becky #1 from Roseanne in a dive bar in Nebraska, the freshly shorn golden locks of intertwined dreams from Justin Bieber have been gently placed in a white leather nap sack strapped to a Pegasus and sent up to heaven where the angels will make it into a weave for Jesus (yeah, hair plugs ain't shit for him either). Yes, TMZ brings us the news that Justin Bieber took a pair of scissors to his hair and cut the Hamill out of his head today. Pieces of Justin's follicles will be auctioned off for charity. I know what you'll be doing tonight. Scalping your Ken dolls and selling it on eBay as 100% genuine Bieber hair. Make sure you dip it in holy water (vodka with a splash of bunny saliva will do) before you send it.

And thousands of young lesbians with golden bowl cuts have just let out a breath of relief.

Hilary Swank went to the hospital to get her peen some kind of growth removed off of some part of her body and her manager wants us to know about it. The growth he's talking about is not Chad Lowe.

Her manager told People that she started “experiencing some discomfort and went to see her doctor, who prescribed an immediate course of action that included a brief hospitalization to remove a small, benign growth. Her condition has been resolved and there are no continuing health issues, with the exception of some short-term rest and recuperation."

Okay, but is her poop banana-shaped? Because that's important!

I'm was curious to know what kind of "growth" Hilary had removed, so I decided to google "benign growth" and I really wish I didn't. Don't look at the things I've just seen. Don't click here. And if you do, don't look at the second one.

Hopefully, while Hilary was in the hospital they operated on her hair too.

Hilary Swank is my favorite pony. I love her and everything she does. Her portrayal of Brandon Teena changed my life. I mean the scene where she's stuffing her crotch....amazing. Anyway, it looks like she's still playing Brandon Teena. Who the hell told her this dress looked hot? Kill that bitch, Hils! They lied to you. My titties would look bigger in that dress.

Here's Hils with Giorgio Armani at the Armani Prive show in Paris yesterday.

Brandon Teena forever!

Hilary Swank plays a High School teacher in her new movie Freedom Writers which is ironic since the Oscar winner never got her diploma. Hilary said that she couldn't follow the rules and left to pursue an acting career.

She said, “I’m not proud to say I’m a high-school dropout. I’m not proud that that’s something that happened, but it happened. I think school is really, really important and we have an education problem in this country and it’s a shame. It’s a shame for any kid to feel hopeless about their future.”

Hilary never went back to get her GED. That's weird. I figured Hilary for the smart type that like was top of her class and went to like Yale. That being said, is it gross that I think she's sort of attractive and no I'm not into beastiality!

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Thanks Smashbox

Old people alert! Billy Corrigan of Smashing Pumpkins and Courtney Love attended the L.A. premiere of Freedomwriters aka Dangerous Minds 2 with Hilary Swank and McDreamy last night. Billy and Court are a match made in bloated heaven! I mean they should fart into my car. It would provide gas for days. They are puffy! Hills is horse hot as usual.

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Thanks fuckoffsaragirl