Sharon Osbourne

Sharon Osbourne became one of my personal heroes when she de-weaved that skank Megan Hauserman last year. And Sharon brought the cuntery yet again when she went on a rant about the most famous person in the world, Susan Boyle, to Opie & Anthony (clip above).

Sharon sounded like a Dlisted comment come to life when she said, "I like everybody to do well. Even somebody that looks like a slapped arse. God bless her. It's like, 'You go girl'. She does look like a hairy arsehole. She is a lovely lady. You just want to say 'god bless' and here's a Gillette razor."

If SuBo really looked like a hairy asshole, Tommy Girl's tongue would be permanently attached to her cheek.

But seriously, Sharon is like that cunty old aunt who tells you that you've got pregnant calves and armpits that look like a Shar Pei's cooch. Sharon isn't coming a mean place. Okay, maybe she is, but you still laughed. So you're an accessory to her bitchiness.

And FYI, here's what Sharon looked like BPS (before plastic surgery):

Pebbles the cat just fell in love for the second time.

Cyndi Lauper had the frowns in NYC the other day for two reasons: a) Captain Lou went off to heaven and b) Cyndi has to look at Donald Trump's hairy hemorrhoid head for the next few weeks. You see, Cyndi is part of the cast of Celebrity Apprentice which started shooting this week. And by the looks on some of their faces you can tell they wish they were being shot...literally.

The rest of the cast includes Sharon Osbourne, Bret Michaels, his My Little Bandanna Weave, Curtis Stone, Rod Blagojevich, Maria Kanellis (some WWE chick), Holly Robinson Peete, Darryl Strawberry, Bill Goldberg (some wrestler-type), Carol Leifer, and Summer Sanders (a gold medalist swimmer).

Hopefully, Tilda Swinton will find a way to break into the boardroom (Tip to Tilda: Disguise yourself as Ivanka's old nose) to wreak havoc.

Megan Hauserman needs to realize that if she's going to be on a Vh1 reality show, she's either going to get ass beat or she's going to catch some mutant breed of crotch bugs. Either or. That's why Megan shouldn't be shocked that Sharon Osbourne poured wine on her ass and yanked at her skanky weave after she called Ozzy "brain dead." The brawl went down on the Rock of Love: Charm School reunion show a little while ago and now Megan is suing over it.

TMZ says Megan filed the lawsuit yesterday in L.A. County Superior Court. Megan is suing for "for battery, negligence and infliction of emotional distress."

Emotional distress?! Battery? This is coming from a skeezer who kissed on Bret Michaels and probably peeked under under his bandana. If that doesn't scar your emotions for life, I don't know what does. Megan is suing the wrong bitch.

Dumb fuck Megan should also come better prepared next time. She needs to get herself one of those expensive bullet-proof wigs. Not even an Osbourne could rip that shit off.

I must say Jack Osbourne sure has the leprechaun look down pat. The only thing he's missing is buckles on his shoes. You think the next time he has a night off from the chocolate factory he'd shave that shit. His face looks like a chupacabra. It looks like he's getting all geared up for a photoshoot in Bear Magazine. You'd know I'd still let him probe the sideways sloppy joe.

Here's Jack and some giant lady leaving Chateau Marmont late last night.

Wenn