Sharon Osbourne

CBS' The Talk, which is like a clone of The View on internet-bought Amberen and Vagisil foam, is coming back for a second season this Fall, but Deadline reports that both Leah Remini and Holly Robinson Peete have been kicked out of the coop. Their sources say that the show's co-creator Sara Gilbert (aka forever Darlene Conner to me), Sharon Osbourne and Julie Chen have all been asked to come back. Julie Chen coming back is not a surprise since she's married to the head of CBS Les Moonves. The #1 rule in TV is: if the boss is cumming on your back, you're coming back!

But Page Six says that the Asian robot wrapped in bronzer dough is the main reason why Leah and Holly aren't coming back. Sources say that The Chenbot rules those bitches hard and let's it be known that they better abide by the ridiculous pieces of shit that come flying out of her mouth. The source went on to say that during that Casey Anthony shit, The Chenbot banned her co-hosts from talking about it unless she's at the table since the busted hard drive in her head has a copy of Journalism for Dummies on it, making her a serious journalist! The source put it like this:

“[Julie] said, ‘My husband feels strongly that you should not be talking about news [without me], you are not news people.’ Sharon just said, ‘I don’t know about this.’ She’d had enough. ”

A different source says that the gutter raccoon of Scientology known as Leah Remini is also a rusty thorn shoved up The Talk's lumpy ass. That source had this to say about Leah:

“[Remini] was a disruptive force. She had a huge morale problem. Her mother never parked in her assigned space. She was told not to park in the lot anymore. ”

I didn't need some anonymous source to tell me that Leah Remini is the fucking worst. Every time Leah opens her trucker mouth on that show, it feels like I'm getting DPed in the ears by a thorny dragon lizard and an anorexic porcupine. Listening to Leah talk is about as pleasant as sticking your head in a paint shaking machine.

That rough bitch and Holly Robinson Peete getting kicked off the show is a good thing. But I only say that because now there won't be any hos between Sharon Osbourne and Julie Chen. That means Sharon can finally attack The Chenbot and chew her circuit wires out while a motionless Sara Gilbert just sits there like D.J. Conner at the Thanksgiving children's table.

Elton John wants his name to be on the list when he gets to Heaven, so he made sure to invite earth angel Betty White to his Oscar viewing party last night. Betty White was kind enough to mingle with mere mortals like Posh and Michelle Rodriguez (who probably tried to creep on Betty's prune cake).

Most of us would be busting into a soul seizure if Betty White touched our hand, but look at Posh being typical Posh by trying to act like she could care less. Or maybe she's busy trying to deal with the psychical pain she's suffering on the inside from Betty White's grip slowly breaking her weak hand bones. Although, that's not saying much since a handshake from a ghost would hurt frail ass Posh.

Here's a bunch of other hos who showed up for the camera clicks and free booze. They are: The world's memaw, Michelle Rodriguez, Posh, Alan Cumming, KD Lang, Stacey Dash with Jamie Foxx, Christina Hendricks, Debi Mazar, Kelly Osbourne, Sharon Osbourne, JHud, Salma Hayek, a freshly washed Joaquin Phoenix, RuPaul, Scary Spice, a trio of bossy bottoms, Niecy Nash, and Harvey's second favorite pet donkey (next to Peter Andre, of course).

Sharon Osbourne became one of my personal heroes when she de-weaved that skank Megan Hauserman last year. And Sharon brought the cuntery yet again when she went on a rant about the most famous person in the world, Susan Boyle, to Opie & Anthony (clip above).

Sharon sounded like a Dlisted comment come to life when she said, "I like everybody to do well. Even somebody that looks like a slapped arse. God bless her. It's like, 'You go girl'. She does look like a hairy arsehole. She is a lovely lady. You just want to say 'god bless' and here's a Gillette razor."

If SuBo really looked like a hairy asshole, Tommy Girl's tongue would be permanently attached to her cheek.

But seriously, Sharon is like that cunty old aunt who tells you that you've got pregnant calves and armpits that look like a Shar Pei's cooch. Sharon isn't coming a mean place. Okay, maybe she is, but you still laughed. So you're an accessory to her bitchiness.

And FYI, here's what Sharon looked like BPS (before plastic surgery):

Pebbles the cat just fell in love for the second time.

Cyndi Lauper had the frowns in NYC the other day for two reasons: a) Captain Lou went off to heaven and b) Cyndi has to look at Donald Trump's hairy hemorrhoid head for the next few weeks. You see, Cyndi is part of the cast of Celebrity Apprentice which started shooting this week. And by the looks on some of their faces you can tell they wish they were being shot...literally.

The rest of the cast includes Sharon Osbourne, Bret Michaels, his My Little Bandanna Weave, Curtis Stone, Rod Blagojevich, Maria Kanellis (some WWE chick), Holly Robinson Peete, Darryl Strawberry, Bill Goldberg (some wrestler-type), Carol Leifer, and Summer Sanders (a gold medalist swimmer).

Hopefully, Tilda Swinton will find a way to break into the boardroom (Tip to Tilda: Disguise yourself as Ivanka's old nose) to wreak havoc.

Megan Hauserman needs to realize that if she's going to be on a Vh1 reality show, she's either going to get ass beat or she's going to catch some mutant breed of crotch bugs. Either or. That's why Megan shouldn't be shocked that Sharon Osbourne poured wine on her ass and yanked at her skanky weave after she called Ozzy "brain dead." The brawl went down on the Rock of Love: Charm School reunion show a little while ago and now Megan is suing over it.

TMZ says Megan filed the lawsuit yesterday in L.A. County Superior Court. Megan is suing for "for battery, negligence and infliction of emotional distress."

Emotional distress?! Battery? This is coming from a skeezer who kissed on Bret Michaels and probably peeked under under his bandana. If that doesn't scar your emotions for life, I don't know what does. Megan is suing the wrong bitch.

Dumb fuck Megan should also come better prepared next time. She needs to get herself one of those expensive bullet-proof wigs. Not even an Osbourne could rip that shit off.

I must say Jack Osbourne sure has the leprechaun look down pat. The only thing he's missing is buckles on his shoes. You think the next time he has a night off from the chocolate factory he'd shave that shit. His face looks like a chupacabra. It looks like he's getting all geared up for a photoshoot in Bear Magazine. You'd know I'd still let him probe the sideways sloppy joe.

Here's Jack and some giant lady leaving Chateau Marmont late last night.

Wenn