Rosie O'Donnell

As her friends Gayelle King, Mrs. Rojo Caliente, Fran Drescher and Natasha Lyonne winked on, Rosie O'Donnell debuted her new hot girlfriend Michelle Rounds to the public at Rosie's Theater Kids Galas in NYC last night. Ironically enough, they're like the lesbian version of Donald Trump and his gorgeous stunning trophy wife Melania Trump. But it truly is a beautiful moment in the history of equality when premium gold diggers can hand a shovel and ink-erasing liquid (for prenups) to a lesbian and welcome her into their tribe.

A source type tell People that Rosie met the Holly Hunter look-alike with perfectly crafted ladle brows at a Starbucks a few months ago and they've been bumping tart pies ever since. The source went on to say that they're very, very happy. Rosie kept her top lips closed about the new lady love that's making her patootie poot. But she said on stage at her event that she just bought a red bra "with the underpants that match and everything" so she must be down to munch.

Gold digging jokes aside, Michelle Rounds really is one lucky bitch. Yes, sometimes living with Rosie is probably as pleasant as licking up Donald Trump's undertit cheese with the lights on, but she's rich as all hell, is a premiere haiku poet and looks like she can eat a coochie like it's made of coconut frosting. Seriously, I bet if you put a tiny teased merkin over your chocha and called it Donald Trump, Rosie would eat the rage (and more) out of it.

No, I'm not talking about the Team Breezy that came in fourth place in the international queef championships. Not this time, anyway. Rosie O'Donnell came to Chris Brown's defense on her Sirius radio show today when she said that Good Morning America's Robin Roberts should've taken half of the blame for Urkel Rodman Hulk-ing out and beating a window with a chair. Rosie feels Chris' pain and seems to think that the media is trying to poke the rage out of him even though he's paid his debt to society. If Rosie O'Donnell is trying to make miss the days when she called Tommy Girl "a cutie patootie" and gave away Happy Meal toys to her audience members, it's working. This is what Rosie had to say this morning in Chris' defense:

On how Charlie Sheen is a hero (no, he's not) and Chris Brown is Satan's mutated Q-tip: "I don't know why this kid seems to be held to a different standard than anybody else."

On how the questions about Rihanna triggered the Meat Loaf in Chris Brown: "I felt mildly angry at Robin Roberts. I felt like writing her and going: 'Can you take a look at this again and see if maybe you find -- in any way -- your responsibility in this?'"

On how she doesn't blame Chris for murdering a chair and a window: "Part of me wanted to take a chair and throw it through the window at The View after all that happened. But, you know, there are no windows down there in that rat-infested cellar. Remember that cellar we were in?" O'Donnell said to her radio producer. There were no windows. It was like a prison."

Rosie O defended herself on Twitter after some of her followers questioned her comments:

@MaxiamMomEsq - if u listened to the conversation on the radio program - u would have a better understanding of my point of view - the post?

@HollywoodDebi he was held accountable - he did his service - the judge commended him - he grew up in a violent home - he is only 21 -

@shyladare @HollywoodDebi - i dont think i am - i have compassion for both he and rhianna - its is not a simple discussion - layers n layers

@shyladare @HollywoodDebi - he is a victim too

Here we fucking go. We're still on the Charlie Sheen vs. Chris Brown thing? Rosie and other bitches like her keep saying that we're holding up the warlock prince on a throne made of troll bones while kicking Chris Brown into the gutter below. They must be watching a totally different movie than I am. Charlie is out of a job and is getting booed at his own sold-out joke of a show. Chris has the #1 album in the country, millions of fans and is still getting invited into green rooms everywhere even though he pretty much destroyed one. They're both hardcore assholes, they both have supporters, they both have haters and they're both doing just fine.

One of the differences is that almost every time somebody asks Chris a question he doesn't like, he throws a full body tantrum and takes it out on innocent victims (see: the chair at GMA). Chris should just take a page from Britney Spears' PR playbook and stop doing live interviews if certain questions hurt him in his BOO FUCKING HOO place. You'd think Chris is a fragile porcelain baby bunny because of how he gets so hurt over simple questions. Guess what, Chris? Fragile porcelain baby bunnies don't break windows when they get butthurt.

So, Rosie needs to update her files, because most of us (I took a poll) think that both Charlie and Chris are awful fucking cunts. Equally. And after Rosie does that, can she please get in my kitchen! Her face has the exact complexion I'd like the top of my lasagna to have.

If you're a gayelle who feels a special kind of tingle when your fuck partner growls like a pit bull gnawing on a bone while going down on you and love it when she shoots pussy balls at your parts using the slingshot from her old talk show, then pinch your nips because it's your lucky day! Page Six reports that Rosie O'Donnell and her girlfriend Tracy Kachtick- Anders have stomped their relationship into a fine powder and fed it to the dandruff mutant monsters that live in Donald Trump's hair. Basically, they broke up.

Tracy, who runs a nonprofit that recruits foster and adoptive homes within the LGBT community, moved her six kids to Florida to be with Rosie's army of four children. A source didn't give a reason as to why the love died like my nerves whenever Elisabeth Hasselcrack talks for more than 3 seconds on The View. But the source did say that Tracy has stayed in Florida and moved to a nearby house, because her kids and Rosie's kids have become close. Rosie's rep didn't address the split but let it be known that Tracy and Rosie were never officially the Lezzie Bunch:

"Rosie and Tracy never officially lived under one roof. They have lived near one another for quite some time, and their families still socialize and they see each other frequently."

I'm not going to comment that Rosie is probably difficult as fuck to live with because she nibbles on your ear lobe one minute and then barks into your ear hole the next when you breathe the wrong way or something. Instead I'm going to blame this split on the most obvious thing....CROCS! CROCS may feel like a warm smile for your feet to some people, but it's made of the labia from Satan's minions and it devours love whenever it gets a chance! And Rosie's relationship ending is a prime example of that shit. And don't get me started on CROCS dildos. Not today.

Rosie O'Donnell has been dating her new girlfriend Tracy Kachtick-Anders for approximately 6-minutes (that's around 2 years in gayelle time), and she's already making plans to move her into her home.

Rosie O tells Oprah that as soon as she laid eyes on Tracy, her vag popped and her Home Depot credit card melted, "So she got out of the car in Miami and I was, like, zoinks, you know, because she's absolutely gorgeous and, I don't know, I felt like I knew her right away. It was very odd."

When Oprah asked Rosie if she wants Tracy to live with her, Gayle King burst into tears and ran out of the studio. But they all ignored her, and Rosie answered, "Yes, as soon as we can arrange the kids' thing where she lives in Texas, you know."

They're gonna need a bigger EVERYTHING, because Rosie has 4 kids and Tracy has 6. It's like The Brady Bunch: Lesbian Edition. The Dykey Bunch! Actually, scratch that, because I think the original Brady Bunch was the lesbian version. Those were both gayelles, right?

via People

The ladyfriend Rosie O'Donnell was spotted holding hands with the other day is her new bagina bumpin' lover. And the woman sounds like even St. Angie bows down before her halo. That was served without any sarcasm. Not a drop. I know, mark this day in your calendars.

People reports that Rosie's partner in pussy is Tracy Kachtick-Anders, an artiste from Texas. Tracy is also the founder of the Open Arms Campaign, a non-profit that brings together foster kids with gay and gayelle families. Tracy is the mother of six kids. Five are adopted and several of them have special needs.

The two met online through Rosie's blog. Tracy posted some comment that made Rosie's clit stand up and pay attention. The rest is lezzie history.

It's a good thing that Tracy is a mother to six kids. That means she'll know exactly what to do when Rosie throws one of her major dyketrums.

Rosie O'Donnell really hasn't been seen with a new piece since splitting up with her longtime partner a few months ago, but here she is strolling through Miami with a ladyfriend. A ladyfriend who she may or may not be clapping clits with in the early morning hours.

But good for Rosie if her ladyfriend is munchin' the socks right off of her. Actually, I hope Rosie's ladyfriend is eating her Dorito pie until those evil CROCS go flying off her feet and land in a trash can. If her ladyfriend can do that, she should get a damn Nobel Peace Prize.

I'm sure Rosie wears CROCS because it feels like her feet are in the middle of a vagina sandwich. But it would be much more attractive if she walked around with two silicone pussies on her feet instead.

Rosie O'Donnell has the complexion of a Dorito, so it's not surprising to hear that when she's not chomping on clams, she's surrendering herself to the sun all day long (smells like boiled pork rinds). On Rachel "I'm Not Giving Her That Extra A" Ray's show last week, Rosie proclaimed that she "lives to tan" and "exposure to the sun isn't dangerous."

Thanks to her comments, the hos at the Ray Festa Melanoma Foundation want to shove a strap-on into Rosie's mouth. One of the group's strongest supporters told Page Six that Rosie's comment was "irresponsible." They added, "Going out into the sun without protection is as, or even more dangerous, than having unprotected sex."

But is it more dangerous than looking at a picture of Rosie O'Donnell's turkey sun-dried tomato face without protection? Probably. Just in case, you should squirt an entire tube of SPF INFINITY into your eyes and put on a condom before looking directly at Rosie.

Way before St. Angie was healing the world with her divine vagina and sucking the youth out of Brad Pitt, she had a "phone fling" with none other than Rosie O'Donnell. Once you've talked your genitals off of the ledge, read on......

On Howard Stern's show (via Popeater) the other day, Rosie O not only confirmed that she's no longer munching on Kelli Carpenter's carpet, but she also briefly talked about the phone time she spent with St. Angie. Rosie said, "We talked on the phone two or three times, but that was that. There was a tentative plan to have dinner that never came through. I was a little afraid of her. She's scary in a sexual kind of way."

What a missed opportunity for all of us. To think, we could have had Rosielina instead of Brangelina. Which means instead of crazed Brangaloonies terrorizing our lives, we would be dodging flannel-wearing, saw dust-farting Rosielinaloonies. And honestly, I'd rather be bitched out by a big butchie with a flat top. It kind of gives me the tingles, actually.

And for those you saying that St. Angie would never lick on Rosie's ham muffin, might I remind you of an elderly turtle named Billy Bob Thornton?

A little while ago, The National Enquirer said that Rosie O's partner in pussay, Kelli Carpenter, moved out of their home and shuffled off to Manhattan. At the time, Rosie didn't say much about the rumor. Well, now she's talking to USA Today and says the two are having problems. Doesn't it make you sad in the heart thinking about Rosie's strap-on collecting dust because Kelli isn't around to give it a little attention? That one was for Donald Trump.

When asked about the gayelle drama, Rosie O said, "We're a family. We will remain a family forever. And we are working on our issues. Kelli and I love each other very much and we are working on our issues. Those are the only words I am ever going to say. Ever. And that is something that has been agreed upon by all parties. But everything's fine and everybody's good and we're still both raising them together. We will both continue to parent them and we're friendly and everything's all right."

This sounds like the two have already split on each other's splits. I've always liked Rosie, but I'm sure living with her isn't all free giveaways, rainbows and showtunes. But hopefully, Rosie and Kelli will be back to bumping 'ginas soon so that we don't have listen to Donald Trump go on and on about this. If the Trump wins, we all lose.

And here we have the very rare dykeasaurus known as Rosie O'Donnell displaying her coochie chompin' face for your viewing pleasure. I'm sure Rosie was also making this same face in between barfing all over Elisabeth Hasselcrack's good name (sar.cas.am.) at one of her shows a couple of weeks ago.

According to Fox411, Rosie shat on Elisabeth during her set on the "Girls' Night Out Tour." A source (whose name sounds like Hellisabeth Assholecrack) said, "Rosie started out by asking the audience, 'What was that show I was on? Then, instead of saying, 'The View,' she called it 'The Screw You.' She continued by calling Elisabeth Hasselbeck, 'Elizabeth Half-a-brain.' Then she jumped to another topic."

A few beats later, Rosie was back to yapping about The View, "Rosie said when she first met Elisabeth, she thought she would love her, because they're both Christians. Then she stopped and said, 'But then she turned on me.' Then Rosie called her a 'twat.' O'Donnell then moved on to a different subject, saying she really didn't want to start a new feud, or restart an old one."

Okay, okay, Rosie should probably calm down by blowing a bong or slowly removing the double-sided dildo out of her ass, but Elisabeth is a TWAT. Rosie is just spilling the facts. That's all. It's like me saying that picture of Rosie can be used as a successful tool for teaching abstinence in schools. FACTS!