And Levi's probably already hitting the bong too. I mean, look how fucking baked his daddy is in the picture above. Matthew McConaughey looks mega stoned in all of these pictures! It looks like he's sweating bong water.
He basically confirmed he was operating on smoke when he explained why they brought Levi Strauss out, "Levi was gonna stay home, but then he said, 'Dad, mom, I wanna go support mom's purses!'" He's not joking either. He really heard Levi say that. Actually, Matthew probably heard his bongo drum say it, but figured Levi channeled his thoughts to it.
The Bong Master said they take Levi everywhere. They even took him to a John Mellencamp concert. He said Levi is "equipped to be around the sights and sounds of people." Have they checked on Levi since then? He's probably deaf now. That probably wouldn't bother Matthew. He'd just say, "Awww. He'll be alright. Just give him a little weeeeeeeeeeeed."
Matthew kept the stoner talk going when he talked about how they kept the placenta and umbilical cord for some kind of Australian aboriginal custom.
He said, "They had a placenta tree that was on the river, and it was for the women, and it was the most fertile land and fertile river. And all the placentas of all that tribe, all that clan ... went under that one tree, and it was this huge behemoth of just health and strength. And this tree was just growing taller and stronger above the rest of Mother Nature around it. It was gorgeous."
I just have four words for Matthew: PASS. ME. YOUR. BONG.
Here's Matthew and Camila at the launch of her handbag collection last night.
Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves took Baby Levi Strauss for a walk yesterday in Malibu. You're probably assuming that Baby Levi is in that stroller. You know he isn't. He's probably in that bucket, because Matthew thought it would be "totally rad" to carry him that way. He saw it in "National Geographic" or something. Matthew's bongo and his bong are riding safely in the baby stroller.
Camila looks pretty hot for just having a baby. I'm assuming that bitch had the works after she gave birth. Every Hollywood bitch probably gets it. The doctors don't even ask anymore. As soon as baby pops out, they bring in the wet vac and make it all right again.
Matthew also went for a walk later in the day with Baby Levi Strauss and a "friend." GAY! And how can Matthew have two baby strollers? They can fit both of those things in his trailer home?
Little Baby Levi is already awesome. While he was in the womb, Matthew McConaughey probably taught him how to make a bong with his umbilical cord. That way he can get an early start. The minute I saw Baby Levi on OK! Magazine, "Because I Got High" started playing in my head. He looks baked! Awww...I was about his age when I had my first joint too. Memories.
Matthew also talked about finding out the sex of their baby in the delivery room, "I said, 'Come here, little man. I saw the pecker and screamed that we'd been right all along about him being a boy. Then I brought him over to her [Camila]. It was neat to find out what the sex was because we didn't have the doctor tell us beforehand. I've pulled out some baby pictures of myself, and the resemblance is amazing. This kid has a lot to learn from us. I want him to come out being a little wiser, a little cooler and a little happier than we are."
Don't worry Matthew, he's already cooler than you.
I've talked a lot about Rooster McConaughey and his son, Miller Lyte, but I've never seen a picture of the poor kid. Well, here he is. What in Carrot Bottom hell did they do to Miller Lyte's hair? They totally used leftover Easter egg dye and mashed up carrots to make his hair look like that. They were paying homage to their hero, Ronald McDonald.
Miller Lyte may look like a happy child now, but wait until he grows up and becomes a Bud Light kind of boy. He's going to take the family shotgun off the wall and chase his Rooster all around the trailer park.
This is what pisses me off about Matthew. His brother's nickname is Rooster and his nephew's birth name is Miller Lyte, but he names his son Levi? The McConaughey family should disown his ass for that.
Who knew mega stoner Matthew McConaughey was the type to whore out his baby for millions of dollars? He obviously is the type, because TMZ reports that OK! Magazine beat out People for the first photos of Wrangler Jeans or whatever the hell that baby's name is.
OK! will coughed up 3 million clams for the deal which also includes baby's first Christmas. He's not even a week old.
Hopefully, Matthew will take some of that cash and move his family out of the trailer park! I doubt Baby Chic Jeans really wants to sleep in a kitchen drawer. Oh shit! I said Chic Jeans. That was the hottest commercial ever:
Matthew McConaughey revealed to OK! Magazine that stoner baby's name is Levi Alves McConaughey. LAM(E)!!!! Little Levi doesn't have two last names. Alves is his middle name, because it's his mother's last name. I'm seriously disappointed. This is a fuck effort!
Matthew explained why they chose the name Levi, "Levi was another name for the apostle Matthew in The Bible. They were, in fact, two names for the same person. Our son was born at 6:22 pm, and this particular time represents my favorite verse in the book of Matthew in The Bible: 'If thy eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light.'"
Seriously, I think I got contact high from reading his explanation. Bitch was hitting the bong hardcore. And "bitch please" at his explanation. The only bible he reads is the stoner's bible aka High Times magazine.
You know he named stoner baby after his favorite brand of jeans. Just like brother Rooster named his baby Miller Lyte after his favorite beer.
Matthew and Camila also released this statement:
"We welcome Levi Alves McConaughey into this wonderful life and look forward to living in it with him. In the mean time and all times, just keep livin'."
—Matthew David McConaughey and Camila Maria Saraiva de Araujo Alves
It's a cute and normal name, but I was expecting Matthew to deliver the fucking goods.
At least I can count on Rooster to bring the laughs. Rooster talked to People about his brother's first baby, "It's good to have a boy the first time 'round! You can get away with dropping 'em a couple times, and they'll still be okay. Can't really do that with a little girl.
Rooster has officially become my favorite McConaughey.
I've been refreshing People.com like a hundred times this morning in hopes that they've confirmed the name of Matthew McConaughey's spawn! Yeah, Matthew's chick, Camila Alves, popped out a baby boy last night in Los Angeles. He weighed in at 7 lbs., 4 oz. I'm sure the first words out of the doctor's mouth was, "Pee yew! Put this baby in the showers!"
Baby Stinky was born on the same day as Nicky Kidman's Sunday pillow! They can date in a few years.
I need to know this baby's name!!!! Knowing this information is the most important thing in the world right now. I swear, if it's not something amazingly fucked up like Ganga, Bongo Bongo, Rooster Jr. or just "Baby," I'm going to be extremely disappointed. I shouldn't hold my weed breath, because knowing Camila's boring ass, she's going to name him something normal. Booooo.
Image:Pacific Coast News
Matthew McConaughey and his little chickadee (that's what he probably calls her) might be having a baby boy. Matthew recently said that he wanted to keep his baby's sex on the hush-hush, but the NYDN reports he's been ordering HUNK baby t-shirts and onesies from PlainMary.com. I know, that doesn't really mean anything. Matthew is the kind of stoner that would buy a HUNK t-shirt for his little girl.
Let's say a silent prayer to the weed Gods asking them to give smelly ass Matthew and smelly ass Camila Alves a baby boy. That way the name possibilities are endless. As you probably already know, Matthew's brother, Rooster, named his son Miller Lyte after the beer. This is the kind of genius I'm talking about.
They should really just cut to the chase and name their son "Stinky." That's what most people are going to say whenever they around his smelly little ass.
A group of paps were taking pictures of Matthew McConaughey surfing (you know, because we don't have enough of those pictures) over the weekend when a group of surfers dropped their imported Maui Wowie and tried to defend their turf!
The surfer dudes told the paps to "get a real job" and the paps responded with, "This is a real job. What do you do?" The surfer dude shouted, "I fucking drink beer and party." I think I want to marry that surfer dude.
Anyway, their war of douche words went on and finally ended with a chubby pap hitting a surfer with some photo equipment. Ugh. This would have been so much better if the surfers were hotter, covered in oil and wearing thongs.
And where the fuck is Annette Funicello when you need her? She would have kept the peace!
The douche fight didn't stop there! Yesterday, the same shit went down, but the cops were called. Click here to see the video from yesterday of the surfers beating a pap in the water and some annoying bitch screaming about whatever.
Matthew doesn't want any of this kind of violence! He just wants us all to take off our shirts, rub our skank against each other, smoke a bowl and play the bongos!
Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves "made a baby," but that isn't stopping his pothead ass from partying like a drunken fool. Star Magazine has pictures of Mattey in San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua on June 6th at the Iguana Bar. A source said he was hitting on and touching several women.
The source said, "He already seemed to be drunk when he arrived alone, and he only got worse from there on. He was putting the make on every woman in his path, throwing his arms around them and trying to kiss them, and trying to dirty-dance with a few out on the floor. But he was a mess, slurring his words and stumbling around." You know he was roofied him.
Later in the night, Matt was found inside of a sewer ditch looking for his lost flip-flop. Um....he wasn't looking for a flip-flop. He was going to bed. That sewer ditch was his hotel room for the night. That's how Matt does it.
Matt denies that he was hitting on a bunch of skanks, but admitted that he was drunk, he said, "Absolutely. Nicaragua is a beautiful place, epic waves, the best surfing I have ever been on. And yes, I'm STILL looking for my left flip-flop. So if anyone finds it floating around down there (it has 6:22 stitched into the side), please send it my way. There is a reward."
I think he's still drunk. Scratch that. He's always drunk. And what does 6:22 mean? Hmm...maybe it's the one day of the year he actually takes a shower?