Keanu Reeves

Put on your sunglasses. Keanu Reeves is one bright bitch. He probably uses SPF: Bitch Don't Even Think Of Going Into The Sun. It is nice to see Keanu in the water though. Unfortunately, fleas and scabies can swim, but at least he's washing off some of his stank. You know that girl with him came out of the water dirtier than when she went in.

Keanu is also more interested in picking the street shit out of his fingernails than looking at his topless friend.

Oh and to answer my own question, DUH! I'd have to apply oven cleaner to my skin after fucking with filthy ass Keanu, but it would be worth it.

Here's Keanu with topless friend on the French Riviera today.

Star Magazine reports that Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder are a new couple. They're good together. They are both responsible for pretty much ruining "Bram Stoker's Dracula" with their wooden chemistry. Hopefully, their dates will consist of acting classes and colonics.

The original Wino and Keanu are currently filming "The Privates Lives of Pippa Lee" together. A source said they are always in each other's trailers. The source went on to say, "They are also always hugging on the set. The chemistry is really electric." Electric? In their pretty, little dreams. There's nothing electric about two pieces of wet wood.

OG Wino has also been spending time at Keanu's NYC apartment during breaks in filming.

They belong together. Keanu lives like a homeless person, so at least he doesn't have to worry about her stealing anything. Unless he wants her to steal his heart. Awwww. BARF! Donkey punch me if I ever get that sappy again.

No, that's not Diablo Cody with Keanu Reeves. It's his sister, Kim. Kim and Keanu! Get it? Me neither.

Keanu was obviously forced to bathe, shave and put on clean shoes to the premiere of "Street Kings" last night in Los Angeles. His people didn't think it was appropriate for him to be stinking up his own premiere.

There's something false about a clean Keanu Reeves. He should have mud on his face or possibly a tumbleweed on his head. Something! I like my Keanu with a little dick Pâté and a lot of ass jelly. It's just my taste.

Here's some other people at last night's shindig. There's a little Chris Evans and a little Minnie Driver. She's knocked up. Remember?

OK! Magazine thinks Keanu Reeves and Parker Posey might be a new couple. A source saw them "cozying up" to each other at the Chateau Marmont in L.A. The witness said, "They were sharing a seat and sitting very, very close. It was probably the oddest couple I've ever seen."

Sitting close and now they are a couple?! It's not like he was finger banging her, they were just sitting close. Imagine if you were romantically linked to everyone you sat close to? You would look like a major slut! Well, you look like a slut anyway, but you know....

I hope they are a couple, because I like these two together. They have the same hair, they are both batshit crazy and they look like they could use a bath or two. Perfect match!

My favorite dirty birdy story about Parker Posey is the one about her dog shitting in its carrier on a flight. Parker ran to the bathroom to wipe her dog's ass and almost got arrested, because dog's aren't allowed in the bathrooms. That pretty much sums her up.

Keanu Reeves hit some paparazzi dude with his 1996 Porsche in Ranchos Palos Verdes, CA last night. The photographer was trying to get shots of him when Keanu accidentially sideswiped his ass at around 7:30pm. The sheriff said that Keanu grazed him.

The sheriff went on to say, "The man fell to the ground. Paramedics were summoned and treated the man at the scene. He was then transported via ambulance to a local hospital for further treatment."

It is unknown how fast he was going.

LAWSUIT! You know the paparazzi dude probably cut himself open with a knife on his way down to the ground and is planning to sue Keanu big time. I can't defend Keanu anymore, because he's fighting the hotness and I'm not down with that.

Source