Teri Hatcher

Last week, Conan O'Brien slipped, fell and wrecked his head while shooting a skit. Conan was taken to the shop to get repaired and rotated. Conan was back on last night and showed the footage of him breaking his head. And just as I suspected.....THE SNATCHER IS TO BLAME! Snatcher led him to that fall!

During the skit, Conan and Teri Snatcher raced on a slippery floor (her idea, probably). When Conan went down, Snatcher kept on smilin' and claimed her victory. Yes, while Conan's brains were slowly turning into boxed mashed potatoes and his eyeballs were about to fall out of their holes, she rejoiced!

Conan got up and continued on with the jokes. If that shit was me, I would've been trying to beat Teri's ass! It would've been like trying to hit a pinata while blind-folded and drunk (due to the concussion and all DUH), but I still would've given it a try. Because I thoroughly believe that when your ass falls, the only way to fully recover is to whoop the ass of the trick laughing at you!

Okay, not a "world-class" athlete, but she is a "Malibu-class" athlete, because she completed a triathlon there this past weekend. When Teri Snatcher crossed the finish line, her mom, The Snapple Lady, immediately gave her a congratulatory nuzzle. Or maybe Teri smelled like a tuna melt and her momma was trying to get a good whiff. Who knows!

Other celebwhores who took part in the Malibu Triathlon were William H. Macy (who was there for an Emmy), Mario Lopez (who was there because he needed another excuse to take his top off), Jeremy Piven (who was there for the fish) and The Hoff (who was there for the...for the...why was he there?).

And I'm pleased to announce that next year I will host the first annual Dlisted triathalon! Booze, bong and blow your way to victory!

In the October issue of Britain's Glamour Magazine, Teri Snatcher aka The Botox Grinch has a little advice for her 10-year-old daughter Emerson.

Snatcher said: "Have great sex and eat the chocolate. Don’t sit on public toilet seats and make sure to floss. … Life's too short to stress; you'll be able to get past anything difficult; the sun will rise tomorrow; you are beautiful; you are lovable."

Snatcher must have read Lynne Spears' inspirational parenting book. The pedos of the world are bowing down to her.

And isn't having great sex and eating chocolate the same thing in certain circles? Gross. Snatcher forgot to tell her daughter NOT to ever mix flossing with oral sex. Click here if you have no idea what I'm blabbing about.

Snatcher went on to say that she also keeps a "goal board" with inspirational notes and images on it. She said: "It's basically a collage of images of things you want to achieve in your life – all written, glued or drawn onto a big piece of paper." Some of the messages on the board include "Don't eat after 7 p.m." and "Dance like a teenager."

Has she seen the way teenagers dance nowadays? The last thing I need to see is Snatcher wiggling her snatch like a video ho.

Snatcher's Glamour interview is just further proof that excessive botox use isn't good for the brains.

VIA People

The American Idol producers really hate us. Not only are they keeping Kristy Lee on the show, but they are bringing Teri Snatcher on to sing! Rush & Molly reports that Teri will sing with the Band From TV during Idol Gives Back next week. The band includes James Denton (Desperate Housewives), Hugh Laurie (House), Greg Grunberg (Heroes) and Bonnie Somerville (Cashmere Mafia).

Why didn't they just take it to the next level and initiate a mass National suicide by having Snatchers duet with Kristy Lee?

I've had the displeasure of hearing Snatcher's singing voice before. I saw the bitch in "Cabaret" a few years ago. Below is a clip. Yes, Snatcher sang and did a horrific British accent. Her accent made Britney Spears sound like Julie Andrews. I don't know how I survived that performance. Drugs. Snatcher drove me to a life of drugs (see Bobby B story below).