SCANDAL

The crazy dog cloning lady is the crazy Mormon man rapist! The other day I posted the long and scandalous tale of Joyce McKinney, a woman who kidnapped her Mormon lover and forced him to do sexy times with him. She also did a bunch of other crazy shit like pretend to be a deaf mute mime.

Many people came forward claiming Joyce McKinney is the same woman as Bernann McKinney, the crazy lady who paid South Korean scientists $50,000 to clone her dead dog Booger.

The whole saga is way too long to repeat again, so click here if you have no idea what in aqua hell I'm talking about.

Well, Bernann McKinney admitted to the Associated Press that she is Joyce McKinney! I knew it! You could see the crazy in her eyes then and you can still see it now! Bernann (or Joyce) was never brought to justice in the UK for allegedly kidnapping and doing mean sexy times to her ex-lover.

She said she only went public about cloning her dead dog Booger, because she thought people would be able to forget the past. She said, ''I thought people would be honest enough to see me as a person who was trying to do something good and not as a celebrity. My mother always taught me, 'Say something good or say nothing at all.' 'I think I gave people too much credit." WTF?! She is a fugitive of the law!

Unfortunately, London police said they are not pursuing the case. They said that shit is old and they've moved on. Bernann denies that she ever forced sex upon her ex-lover, ''I didn't rape no 300-pound man. He was built like a Green Bay Packer.'' Yes, but a woman with crazy running through her veins can easily take on a big man! Especially when he's handcuffed to a bed! Mink-handcuffs, but still handcuffed!

Bernann went on to say that she isn't Joyce McKinney anymore, that woman has been gone for a long time. ''It's taken years of therapy to get past this. We go to church and serve the Lord and try to lead good lives and do good things.'' Dear Bernann, reading "Chicken Soup for the Soul" does not count as therapy! Sorry to tell you that.

Besides, the whole Mormon kidnapping thing, Bernann also has charges against her for threatening a woman in 2003, writing bad checks, assaulting a public official and an animal cruelty charge for not taking care of a horse properly. That charge was later dropped.

Somebody needs to call Annemarie Lucas from "Animal Precinct" to get her to save those cloned puppies! You know Bernann is thinking of turning them into fur handcuffs for her Mormon lover.

The husband of the woman Bernann threatened a few years ago, said he recognized her almost immediately. "She's ugly as sin now. But, sure enough, that's her.''

When is Tyra Banks going to have this woman on her show?! Oprah wouldn't understand Bernann's crazy the way Ty Ty would.

I really hope someone is working on a Lifetime movie version of Bernann's life. This shit was made for the small screen! Brit Brit can play Joyce McKinney and Delta Burke can play Bernann McKinney.

And in case you missed it, here's crazy in action:

Some political bitch who goes by the name of John Edwards admitted that he lied about cheating on his wife with a former campaign staffer. The National Enquirer broke the story last October. See! They get shit right, sometimes! Okay, just this once.

When the story came out, John said it was all lies. He denied the story over and over again.

In an interview which airs tonight on ABC's "Dateline," John admits to boning Rielle Hunter. He said he never loved her. I see what he's doing there. Since he doesn't love her, it's not really considered cheating. It's just two genitals dancing together. Totally platonic.

John also said he told Rielle that his wife's cancer was in remission before they did secret sexy times together.

Rielle claims John is the father of her baby, born in February of this year. John denies it and said the timing just doesn't add up. Somebody tell Maury to wait in the wings! We might need him in a bit.

John denied ever paying Rielle to keep her mouth shut, but he did say it's possible some of his friends did without his knowledge. That's just fucking laughable! That's like me saying, "I didn't smoke weed tonight, but it's possible that my friends put the bong in my mouth while I was sleeping."

Click here to see blurry pictures of John's supposed secret love child. Why is Mark Harmon holding that baby?

With all that being said, I'd hit it and let his "friends" pay me to keep my mouth shut.

Source: TMZ

C-Rod filed for divorce from A-Rod earlier this month and asked for a bunch of shit including their $12 million Florida home and a big piece of all the cash he made while they were married. C-Rod said A-Rod "emotionally abandoned his wife and children" and their marriage ended because of his "extramarital affairs and other marital misconduct." C-Rod didn't name names in divorce papers, but later said she believed he was having an "affair of the heart" with Vadge.

A-Rod is fighting back. In papers that will be filed today in Miami, A-Rod wants their prenup enforced and for her cheating claims to be removed from the record. Florida is a no-fault divorce state, so A-Rod doesn't have to say why their marriage crashed and burned. According to the NYDN, The papers claim C-Rod and her lawyer agreed to the prenup a month before their wedding.

A-Rod is ready to go to court if C-Rod fights him. He also said that he "has been paying, and will continue to pay ... reasonable and bona fide expenses" for their two daughters.

FUCK! C-Rod did not do her research before getting married. Note to myself: If I'm ever allowed to get married in Florida, DON'T! Another note to myself: Research NO-FAULT states before getting married. Third note to myself: Eat prenup before wedding.

I have a feeling that C-Rod is going to fight dirty. I can't wait for the shit she's going to pull out of her muscled up asshole. Escandalo!

The chick who was in the car with Shia LaDouche during his drunken car crash has been identified as Australian actress Isabel Lucas. Isabel is currently shooting "Transformers 2" with Shia. She's also doing sexy times with Adrian Grenier. You know what this means? Curly-haired dick bag fight! And yes, Shia has curly hair. Click here to see this extra sexy picture of him working those curly locks.

Isabel wasn't seriously injured when Shia's Ford F-150 flipped over after he made an illegal left turn and got broadsided. Shia fucked up his left hand and it required surgery. He's also taking one month off to recover.

According to UsWeekly, LaDouche partied at the Troubadour before the crash. Some nosy bitch claimed he kept doing shots of whiskey. The nosy bitch went on to say, "He was dancing around and acting really crazy. He stayed until the band was done and then stumbled out of the club by himself."

He left by himself? So he must have picked up Isabel on his way home. Boo-tay call!

The NYDN reports that Adrian isn't happy that his girlfriend was out with LaDouche at 3 in the morning. He has nothing to worry about. They were just going to run lines at his house. And by "run lines" I mean LaDouche was going to snort coke off her snatch.

This is just one the lovely buff ladies who came forward claiming to have bumped roided-up genitals with A-Rod. Joslyn Morse is a stripper from Miami who had an affair with A-Rod last year. Stripper? Is she part of Chippendales? The Thunder From Down Under? Joslyn might have to testify in A-Rod's divorce dick battle against C-Rod.

Speaking of C-Rod, she talked to Cindy Adams at the New York Post yesterday for the first time since all this crap went down. She said that she still loves A-Rod, but had to leave his cheating ass to prove that she's not weak. Um...she could have just flexed her biceps to prove that.

She claims the marriage is forever done and that he needs to deal with his own shit. A-Rod is no longer the douche she married, but she plans to be there for him when finally "cracks up." Whatever that means. She wouldn't talk about any of the he-skanks A-Rod cheated on her with, because she's past that.

Speaking of one of the he-skanks he allegedly cheated on her with, A-Rod is reportedly telling friends he's in love with Vadge. According to UsWeekly, he told his friend, "She's my fucking soulmate, dude." Or maybe he said "So mate, she's a fucking dude" and the friend heard it wrong?

AND! Just because while we're on this topic, Jose Conseco is now trying to get into this shit. He is once again telling that old ass story about how Vadge wanted to have a baby with him. Jose also hates "A-Rod's guts" for hitting on his wife. STFU Jose! Go suck your thumb in the corner. Who's next? I'm still waiting for Dennis Rodman to throw his name into this mess.

Above is Peter Cook's totally homo GQ cover from 1981. Oh how I was miss the 80s when they kept things all-natural and didn't stuff a dude's speedo with plantains just because his peen is the size of a snap pea. Peter needs to stop spending $3,000 a month on porn and use that money to buy a penis pump.

Anyway, Tiny Cook Cock and Christie Brinkley have reached a settlement in their divorce trial. The New York Post reports that after three nights of negotiations and several days of court room battles, a settlement was reached this morning.

It's no surprise that Christie will keep full custody of their two kids and Tiny Cock will get visitation rights. Tiny Cock better password protect his computer before the kiddies come to visit. The last thing he wants his kids to tell Christie after a visit is, "Mommy, we saw this funny movie on dad's computer. It was these two girls eating peanut butter ice cream together. Can we go get peanut butter ice cream now?"

Christie will also keep their Hamptons home and some other shit. Tiny Cock may also receive a cash settlement from Christie. YAY! More porn money! The settlement will be finalized in court this morning.

Oh well, no more juicy shit. At least we can look forward to the numerous tell-alls, Lifetime movies and reality shows that will obviously follow.

Lenny Kravitz somehow found himself in the middle of the A-Rod/Vadge drama after he invited Cynthia Rodriguez to Paris so that she could get away from all the attention. Shortly after that, rumors of Lenny and C-Rod doing sexy times together started to spread. A source told Page Six that when Lenny found out about the rumors, he "looked like he was going to throw up." He was probably just picturing C-Rod's buff bagina.

C-Rod's trainer thinks Lenny's manager (now ex-manager), Guy Oseary, is to blame. Oseary also manages Vadge and A-Rod.

About two weeks ago C-Rod's trainer called Lenny to let him know that Oseary was planning to whore out the Vadge and A-Rod story to the media. Lenny immediately fired Oseary.

Now Lenny thinks that Oseary is the one who leaked the fake story of him cheating with C-Rod to the media as a payback for firing him. Are you still following this? Because I'm not. Anyway, a spokesbitch for Lenny confirmed that he fired Oseary as his manager two weeks ago.

This whole saga is turning into a really bad Jackie Collins novel without the glamour and champagne. We just need to get all of them on Jerry Springer already, because this shit is out of control.

Vadge is hypnotizing A-Rod with some sort of kabbalalalalah voodoo spell. That's what A-Rod's buff ass wifey claims anyway. According to the NYDN, Cynthia Rodriguez has told her friends that Vadge is the reason why her marriage is in the shit box. Cynthia is currently shacking up at Lenny Kravitz's pad in Paris, because she doesn't want to deal with all the homo drama.

A friend of C-Hulk claims she found a letter from A-Rod to Vadge where he calls her "his true soulmate." Yeah, because both can probably bench press a Mormon family. C-Hulk reportedly told her friend, "I feel like Madonna is using mind control over him. I don't recognize the man he's become. He was a sweet, beautiful, loving husband and father. Today he's very cold and calculating." The Vadge strikes again! She definitely held A-Rod in her "vadge-choke-hold" and forced him to hand over his nuts to her. She did the same thing to Guy.

C-Hulk had a baby only 10 weeks ago. Her friend said that A-Rod was only with the baby for 10-minutes after she was born and then split for Vadge's tomb. 3 weeks later, he told his wifey that he was leaving her. Why didn't C-Hulk pick up a car and smash it on his head?! She's capable of it.

The friend went on to say, "Cynthia was so innocent. She thought he just respected [Madonna]...and said, 'I respected her too - her creativity and ability to reinvent herself. I never dreamed this 49-year-old woman was anything more than a friend."



There's only way to solve all of this. You know what I'm going to suggest, right? CAGE FIGHT! Imagine a Vadge and She-Hulk cage fight? That would be like Godzilla vs. King Kong! On second thought, Vadge and She-Hulk should team up and pummel the shit out of A-Rod.

Yesterday during day one of Christie Brinkley's divorce trial against Peter Cook, we learned that he spends $3,000 a month on porn, has taken nudey pics of himself for swingers website and also gave his teenage mistress $300,000 to shut the fuck up. Day two was a little less dramatic, but Christie did manage to cry on the stand.

Christie broke down when she told the court the day she found out her husband was doing sexy sexy times with an 18-year-old girl. The day she found out, Christie was giving a speech at some high school graduation when a mystery dude tapped her on the shoulder. The man told her, "That husband of yours just won't knock it off. He's having an affair with my teenage daughter and that bastard won't knock it off and I have to come to you." Peter and her son Jack were standing right next to her. Oh snap! Why wasn't there a reality crew filming this shit?!

Peter at first denied it, but later admitted it to her. He became so desperate to win Christie back that he threatened to off himself by driving in a tree. Oh please. Peter has probably done that before. You know he's totally into getting off in car crashes.

During recess, Peter had this to say about Christie crying on the stand, "Shrek was more believable than that." Huh? Shrek isn't a true story?

Source: New York Post

Today was day one of Christie Brinkley's divorce trial and shit got really juicy when her estranged husband, Peter Cook, took the stand. Peter started bawling when he was questioned by Christie's lawyer. Here's some scandalous shit he admitted to doing while being married:

He did sexy sexy times with his teenage mistress, Diana Bianchi, in his own office

He paid her $300,000 to keep their nasty business on the down low

He admitted to spending $3,000 a month on internet porn

He confessed to getting nekkid and groping his wang bone in front of a web cam

He posted pictures of himself on swingers websites looking for chicks to screw

After Peter admitted all of this, his stupid fuck lawyer told the court, "For goodness sake: She's on her fourth husband. Your honor, we're here because of the self-indulgent wrath of a woman scorned." Lawyer dude better sleep with one-eye open, because divorced broads everywhere are going to hunt him down.

He also blasted Christie for wanting the trial to be made public, "What kind of a mother wants her husband flogged in public?" I'm sure Peter wouldn't mind being "flogged" in public.

Christie's lawyer told the court she paid for everything while they were married. They aren't fighting over cash though. They are fighting over custody of their daughter Sailor and their son Jack. Jack is Christie's son from Richard Taubman, but Peter adopted him.

Are they selling tickets to this show? It sounds like the only thing missing is a half-time performance. May I suggest Billy Joel?

And what the hell kind of GD internet porn costs $3,000 a month?! It's probably some nasty scat shit involving midgets, circus animals and oversized vegetables. No thank you. Shit, I'm always shocked when I see $29.95 on my credit card bill every month (don't judge, we all like internet porn).

Also, I wonder what Peter's peter is like? I'm guessing it's like a skinny ass mushroom. Nothing special.

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