Mel Gibson

The pharmaceutical companies better start working overtime to stock up on painkillers and anti-depressants, because I have a feeling that Mel Gibson's new daughter is going to need most of their stock in a few years to deal with being...well...Mel Gibson's daughter.

Radar reports that Mel's girlfriend (and one of my gold digging heroes) Oksana Grigorieva gave birth to a daughter on Friday. Oksana claimed she wasn't due until December, so if the reports are true, baby came waaaaaaay early. Or maybe Oksana is doing that new kind of math (aka whoregebra).

A source added that Mel's new daughter is healthy and is already at home. Yeah, already at home and trying to make an escape rope out of her bed sheets and bibs.

Unfortunately, we don't know a name yet, but I'm guessing Mel went with Jackeline Daniels Sugartits Jesus Gibson. Jackeline Daniels is the second child for Oksana (she has a son with Timmy Dalton) and Mel's EIGHTH.

Eight is definitely enough for Mel. Seriously, I think a "Neuter Mel Gibson" measure will be on the ballot in California tomorrow. VOTE YES!

UPDATE: Mel's spokeswhore confirms that a new Gibson crawls amongst us. Mel and Oksana have named her Lucia. (People)

(Image: Pacific Coast News)

Usually when you see a crazed Mel Gibson running around the streets with a fat beaver in his hand, you can assume that there's a dozen empty Jack Daniels bottles laying around nearby with his saliva all over their tips. But this time, Mel's fisting a rabid beaver for a movie! The movie is called The Beaver and Jodie Foster is directing it as well as co-starring in it. Yes, a movie about a beaver directed by Jodie Foster and starring Mel Gibson. This whole post is like a drunken amputee whore. It just gets easier and easier.

I'm sure that beaver came from Jodie's personal collection. And notice how angry that beaver looks. Can't blame it. If Sugar Tits had his finger up your beaver, it would be snarling too.

And don't blow all your Catholic beaver jokes on this post. Shooting just started, so I'm sure there will be a zillion more pictures of Mel Gibson chasing a rabid beaver. Save up!

Mel Gibson and his knocked up Russian toy Oksana Grigorieva were hanging out in the VIP section of at a new club in Los Angeles called Playhouse when a reporter-type from Life & Style tried to get all into his life. Hollyscoop says that the reporter pretended to be a "fan" and took a picture of Mel and OctoSana. Mel's bodyguards immediately asked her if she was Jewish and when she said yes, they grabbed her camera to delete the pictures. I made up the Jewish part, but you know that happened.

The Life & Style reporter is a determined little bitch, because she sent her dude friend to take another picture. That's when the booze in Mel's veins started boiling over and he ripped off the crown of thorns from his head. Mel grabbed the reporter's friend and tore his shirt. That was it. Of course, the dude with the ripped shirt shuffled over to the police station to cry that Mel hurt him. Dude filed a battery report.

Really, it was just a fucking shirt! I've seen ads on Craigslist (you can judge) from bitches who will pay good money for hos to come over and rip their shirts. In my circle, getting your shirt ripped off in the middle of a club is a pick-up line.

And unless you're The Pope, the son of God or have titties made out of sugar, you don't get near Mel. Mel has the passion of the crazy and he's not afraid to show it.

Mel Gibson is still trying to make his knocked up mistress whore happen. This is a video for the second single "Beautiful Heartache" off of Oksana Grigorieva's new album which was produced by Sugar Tits himself. The video was also directed by Mel in Mexico. Usually, a soggy butt nugget only takes a few minutes to come out (after a cup of Sanka), but this one took seven whole days!

I hope OctoSana's vagina produces prettier sounds than her mouth hole does, because the bitch cannot sing worth a dick! Mel needs to do an exorcism on her vocal chords! It's a good thing the ho got knocked up, because she's not going to make her fortune in music.

And what is she singing about anyway? "I love the way you wear your skin"?! The fuck? This sounds like Buffalo Bill's big number from Silence of the Lambs the Musical.

VIA PopEater

Devout Catholic Mel Gibson kind of broke the rules when he knocked up his whore, but don't you dare talk about it! If you gossip about it, Mel will shut you down! That's what Mel apparently told the congregation at Holy Family Chapel in Agoura Hills, CA during Sunday mass. Radar says that Mel pretty much knocked Jesus off the cross, got up on there and went on a crazed rant about all the gossip in the church. And the church statues cracked from laughing so hard......

A witness said that Mel lost it (but did he ever have "it"?) in front of two priests and a bishop, “Mel got up on his stage -- the altar -- and went off. He tried to intimidate the parishioners by staring at everyone with his angry eyes. Mel even threatened to shut down the church if people kept gossiping about him. The bottom line is that if Mel hadn’t cheated on his wife and gotten his Russian girlfriend pregnant, there wouldn’t be much to gossip about – he created this mess, and now he’s trying to control it."

You know, it would've been okay for God to aim his Nerf gun loaded with a bolt of lighting at Mel and strike him down. An act of GOD! I'm sure he would've gotten the Nobel Peace Prize or at least a gift certificate to In 'N Out (which is even better).

It sounds like it's time for a good ole' excommunication partay!!!

The rumor that a new spawn of Gibson will soon be upon us has been confirmed as TRUE! The old crazy goat made jokes with Jay Leno about it on the Tonight Show last night. It may be a bag full of LOLs to him, but nobody else is laughing. The only way we'll laugh is if Mel's whore gives birth to a pair of tits made out of sugar or a yarmulke!

29-year-old Oksana Grigorieva will pop out Mel's 8th child sometime this fall. Some source who sounds like they are suffering from a serious case of delusion told People that the pregnancy has nothing to do with the reason why Mel's wife of 28 years filed for divorce. According to the source, nobody knew the ho had a fetus growing inside of her until after the red stamp labeled FILED was branded into the papers.

Mel blames himself for the fact that his marriage turned into dust. Mel told Jay, "My wife and I, our marriage ended three years ago and we've been separated ever since then. When it's all said and done, I did a pretty good hatchet job on my marriage myself. I'm to blame. If you're inclined to judge, put it here."

Mel also said it was true that his trick is knocked up. When Jay joked that this will be his 29th child, Mel said, "Well, actually eight. I guess I'm Octo-Mel." OCTO-MEL?! Do you hear that? It's the sizzling sound of all your ovaries slowly melting. It's bad enough that Mel's whore looks like the IVF baby of OctoMommy and an eel.

Is there somewhere in the Catholic bible that says if you take a hatchet to your marriage and impregnate your Russian mistress, you must be fed to an overgrown raging possum (aka Kate Gosselin's hair)? Because if that isn't in the Catholic Bible, someone (I'm looking at you, Jesus) needs to add that shit now and show it to Mel. This is our way out!

Brace yourselves! The rumor that Mel Gibson knocked up his OctoCrazy look-a-like whore might be true! Earlier this month, The National Enquirer said that Mel told his estranged wife and his sons that his paid pussy, Oksana Grigorieva, is pregnant! TMZ is now co-signing that claim and said OctoSana is in her second trimester.

Wouldn't that be hot if she gave birth to a little Jewish man? Then Mel Gibson would explode into a cloud of dust and we'd be rid of his lunatic ass forever.

Seriously, this is not good news for humanity. I need a holy water-tini followed by a few snorts of crushed down communion wafers. However, I will raise a glass to OctoSana, because that shameless bitch is making that cash! SANTO DIOS!!!!

Mel Gibson and his wifey were separated for a couple of years before she dropped divorced papers into his lap, right? Why would she suddenly want to legally quit his ass after two years of being broken up? The National Enquirer (via Showbiz Spy) says that the reason might have been because Mel's new whore is carrying his latest spawn. File this under: The Passion of the NOOOOO!!!

A source said that Oksana Grigorieva is about three months pregnant. Late last month, Mel gathered his whole family around and let them all know the horrific news. Mel's oldest sons, Edward and Christian, immediately hired lawyers to make sure their trust funds are safe. The source went on to say, “They are quite upset. Even though Mel assured them the pregnancy was unplanned, they’re furious with him and say they’re going to take steps to protect their inheritance, which they feel is in jeopardy.”

Cue my Catholic abuelita screaming SANTO DIOS again! A married Catholic knocking up his married whore who has the face of an OctoCrazy? Typical shit.

If this is true, I have to hand it to OctoSana. Bitch knows how to get that money in record time. She saw, he came, she conquered, I barfed.

Just like the Catholic Church, Mel Gibson has nothing to hide, so he swung his doors wide open and brought out his new Russian piece to a screening of Wolverine last night Los Angeles. It's been a little over two weeks since Mel's wife filed to legally quit his insane ass. The documents claim they have been split up for over two years.

53-year-old (yeah, that's all) Mel and his 39-year-old girlfriend, Russian composer and Timothy Daltona's baby mama Oksana Grigorieva, have been hiding out in Costa Rica where they've spent their time on their knees praying, of course. The two met after Oksana was signed to Mel's music label Sugar Tits Records.

Last night was their first public appearance together. You know, they just wanted to be like every couple and go see a movie together. They had no idea hundreds of photographers would be there to capture this special moment which would be published all over the world. I'm sure smug ass Mel is grinning at the thought of his ole' wifey opening up the newspaper and seeing this silver bullet to the heart.

Mel's rep told People, "Mel has been single for almost three years and it's nice to see him getting out and enjoying himself." By the looks of him, Mel hasn't enjoyed himself since the late 80s. Can I get a B-E-A-T?

Seriously, I thought doing sexy times with a younger bitch was supposed to make you look all fresh and shit? Because Mel's got the olds in a bad way all over his mug. He needs a holy water and communion wafer facial.

As for Oksana, she kind of looks like a hybrid of OctoMommy and Sophia Lamar, a famous NYC tranny. And how can she go from Timothy Dalton to that?! We know she's riding on Mel's crucifix for the coin, but does she realize that his wife is going to run off with half of his fortune? Bitch better hope she is the second coming of OctoMommy and pops out a litter of money babies. Because fucking on that haggard goat and not having anything to show for it afterwards is a sin!

In case your body is still in a sugar shock after devouring a flock of Peeps causing you to be foggy in the brains, this picture was taken in the 80s. That gorgeous Aquanet can next to Mel Gibson is his wife Robyn. Robyn totally needs to be on the receiving end of a Aquanet bukkake again, so she can bring back that totally sexy hair now that she's almost legally single and ready to mingle.

TMZ says Robyn gave her husband of 28 years a special Easter present by filing for divorce! Robyn is about to be free of the lunacy!

In the documents, Robyn blamed the standby excuse "irreconcilable differences" on the reason why she wants to throw her marriage into the fire. Robyn may blame "irreconcilable difference," but fucked-up Mel is totally going to blame Jews.

Robyn could also be swimming in a sea of money soon, because she doesn't have a prenup with Mel. According to California law, Robyn is entitled to half of Mel's multi-million dollar fortune. Robyn wants spousal support, joint custody of their 10-year-old son and attorney fees. They have 7 kids together, but only one is a minor.

TMZ says that the divorce doesn't have much to do with the recent rumor that Mel is doing illegal sexy times with some ho. Their problems started long before that mess.

Oh, I hope Robyn bends Mel Gibson over and butt fucks MILLIONS out of his crazy ass! And I hope she calls him "sugartits" while doing say. Get that money, bitch!