When we last left Mel Gibson's baby mama OctoSana Grigorieva, she had been left on the curb by the corn syrup chichis connoisseur for whatever reason. Well, at a press conference in Moscow for her charity single (proceeds go to the victims of Chernobyl) OctoSana talked about the split and promised that the truth would soon be revealed. Cue a dramatic close-up followed by the "Lost" boom!
OctoSana told reporters, "I can tell you that..we have split up, suddenly and recently. Unfortunately, I cannot give you the reason. But you will find out everything quite soon. Here is the official version: We split up by mutual consent and we will raise our daughter together. She is currently with my mother in my Los Angeles home."
This dramatic bitch. And then OctoSana let out a mysterious cackle before her assistant raised a "To Be Continued" sign made out of cardboard. Her assistant was supposed to turn off the lights immediately afterwards for an extra theatrical effect, but there was a technical problem so OctoSana had to awkwardly shuffle out of the room under the bright lights.
OctoSana is trying to make it sound like there's a shocking reason for the split. The only way I would be shocked is if it comes out that Mel Gibson had an affair with Jewish zombie Larry King. Even that wouldn't be THAT shocking, because Mel would ignore his allergic reaction to Jewish people in order to kiss the hand of a man who babysat Jesus Christ back in the day.
And OctoSana also told reporters that she will remove a hammer-and-sickle tattoo on her ankle that Mel Gibson asked her to get. Too easy.
First came the news of the demise of Larry King's marriage, and now People says that Mel Gibson has returned his Russian baby mama Oksana Grigorieva to the gold digging factory from which she came from! We're all getting dumped today! It's National Jessica Simpson (or Jennifer Aniston, depending on what your mood is) Day!
Mel and Oksana have only been dating for a little over a year, but apparently they broke up shortly after the birth of their 5-month-old daughter. A source says, "They just drifted apart. They’re both working hard on their careers and trying to raise a sweet baby together. They're still friends and they'll both raise Lucia together."
You know, Oksana is proving to all gold diggers in training out there that you don't have to get married to get paid. Pop out the baby, collect your check and be on your way to the next mark. Oksana's already has Mel Gibson and Timothy Dalton's pictures on her Wall of Fame, so I wonder who's next. Gird your sperm, because she's coming!
Dean Richards of Chicago's WGNtv interviewed the angry little blue ball known as Mel Gibson for that Edge of Darkness movie, and decided to ask him if he felt the public has moved on from that anti-semantic rant from a few years ago. Well, Mel proved that he hasn't moved on from the crazy by acting like a tweaker going through withdrawals at his first narcotics anonymous meeting in the basement of an Episcopalian church.
Mel said that he done all the necessary "mea culpas" so he hopes the public has moved on. And Mel is right! He sat through half of a Woody Allen movie, and was even nice to the cashier while picking up take-out at Jerry's Deli. MEA CULPED!
During the grand finale of the interview, Dean tried to throw a nice at Mel, but he wasn't about to catch it. Mel took a sip of his Venti Cunt Latte and then called Dean an asshole. So assholier than thou, Mel! But Mel would know since he is the asshole of all assholes.
Last night in Los Angeles, Mel Gibson and OctoSana left their almost 3-month-old baby friend with a non-Jewish baby sitter to attend the premiere of his new movie The Title Doesn't Matter Because You Won't See This Shit Anyway.
It's nice to see that stresses of fatherhood hasn't faded Mel's "crazier than OctoMommy's uterus" glow. Whiskey is still good to him. And it's also nice to see that OctoSana's body snapped right back to normal. Now, don't accuse her of undergoing Post-Baby Posh Special. OctoSana is simply on the Living With Mel Gibson Diet. It's more effective than a Dexatrim and a laxative.
And since we're on the subject of crazy ass Mel, here's what the Hollywood Reporter's Roger Friedman wrote about his father this morning. Now we know where Mel gets it from:
His father is a famous Holocaust denier who has a Web site explaining all his crazy beliefs. He also disavows the Pope and the Roman Catholic Church in favor of his own brand of Catholicism.On a radio show called “The Political Cesspool,” broadcast on Jan. 9, 2010, Hutton Gibson went after the late Pope John Paul II for visiting the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, for being a Russian or Communist agent and other crazy stuff.
“The whole bunch at the top,” Hutton Gibson says at 14:58 of the interview, of the current Archdiocese, ”if they’re not outright queer, they’re supportive of it. They do nothing about the terrible things that go on among the clergy and the bishops.”
All that money that movie fans gave Mel in the past for his movies, including “The Passion of the Christ,” has been used to fuel these ideas. Mel currently has $50 million parked in a not-for-profit foundation called the A. P. Reilly Foundation. The foundation funds his private Holy Family Church in Malibu, California. The church is not recognized by any Archdiocese because the Gibsons have essentially seceded from regular Catholicism.
On his website, Hutton Gibson calls Pope Benedict XVI “Benny the Rat.”
And this is the same Mel Gibson who had seven children with his wife, then left her for a younger woman — with whom he now has an illegitimate child. I’m not sure which Catholic church approves of this.
At Mel Gibson's Holy Family Chapel in Agoura Hills, CA, he is God, Jesus and all of the saints rolled into one. What Mel says goes. That means Mel gets to pick and choose who sits next to his drunk ass in the pews.
Radar Online reports that Mel is making all new parishioners fill out an application and go through a security check before he offers you an invitation to join his church. Apparently, Mel is paranoid about hos blabbing about his holy ramblings to the media.
The one-page application states that it "must be accepted by security in order to gain admittance" and that it's "not open for negotiation by guests/attendees." It also adds that membership can be revoked at any time for any reason.
You know, I kind of understand why Mel is pulling this fuckery. It's a privilege to "pray" with Mel. His church is probably a non-stop party and who doesn't get tingly for a party? The holy water is spiked with top-shelf vodka, the communion wafers have been soaked in rum, and Jesus' blood comes in your choice of white, red or sparkling wine.
And the seventh commandment, "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," has been replaced with, "Thou Shalt Party With Your Peen Out." So I totally see where Mel is coming from.
The pharmaceutical companies better start working overtime to stock up on painkillers and anti-depressants, because I have a feeling that Mel Gibson's new daughter is going to need most of their stock in a few years to deal with being...well...Mel Gibson's daughter.
Radar reports that Mel's girlfriend (and one of my gold digging heroes) Oksana Grigorieva gave birth to a daughter on Friday. Oksana claimed she wasn't due until December, so if the reports are true, baby came waaaaaaay early. Or maybe Oksana is doing that new kind of math (aka whoregebra).
A source added that Mel's new daughter is healthy and is already at home. Yeah, already at home and trying to make an escape rope out of her bed sheets and bibs.
Unfortunately, we don't know a name yet, but I'm guessing Mel went with Jackeline Daniels Sugartits Jesus Gibson. Jackeline Daniels is the second child for Oksana (she has a son with Timmy Dalton) and Mel's EIGHTH.
Eight is definitely enough for Mel. Seriously, I think a "Neuter Mel Gibson" measure will be on the ballot in California tomorrow. VOTE YES!
UPDATE: Mel's spokeswhore confirms that a new Gibson crawls amongst us. Mel and Oksana have named her Lucia. (People)
(Image: Pacific Coast News)
Usually when you see a crazed Mel Gibson running around the streets with a fat beaver in his hand, you can assume that there's a dozen empty Jack Daniels bottles laying around nearby with his saliva all over their tips. But this time, Mel's fisting a rabid beaver for a movie! The movie is called The Beaver and Jodie Foster is directing it as well as co-starring in it. Yes, a movie about a beaver directed by Jodie Foster and starring Mel Gibson. This whole post is like a drunken amputee whore. It just gets easier and easier.
I'm sure that beaver came from Jodie's personal collection. And notice how angry that beaver looks. Can't blame it. If Sugar Tits had his finger up your beaver, it would be snarling too.
And don't blow all your Catholic beaver jokes on this post. Shooting just started, so I'm sure there will be a zillion more pictures of Mel Gibson chasing a rabid beaver. Save up!
Mel Gibson and his knocked up Russian toy Oksana Grigorieva were hanging out in the VIP section of at a new club in Los Angeles called Playhouse when a reporter-type from Life & Style tried to get all into his life. Hollyscoop says that the reporter pretended to be a "fan" and took a picture of Mel and OctoSana. Mel's bodyguards immediately asked her if she was Jewish and when she said yes, they grabbed her camera to delete the pictures. I made up the Jewish part, but you know that happened.
The Life & Style reporter is a determined little bitch, because she sent her dude friend to take another picture. That's when the booze in Mel's veins started boiling over and he ripped off the crown of thorns from his head. Mel grabbed the reporter's friend and tore his shirt. That was it. Of course, the dude with the ripped shirt shuffled over to the police station to cry that Mel hurt him. Dude filed a battery report.
Really, it was just a fucking shirt! I've seen ads on Craigslist (you can judge) from bitches who will pay good money for hos to come over and rip their shirts. In my circle, getting your shirt ripped off in the middle of a club is a pick-up line.
And unless you're The Pope, the son of God or have titties made out of sugar, you don't get near Mel. Mel has the passion of the crazy and he's not afraid to show it.
Mel Gibson is still trying to make his knocked up mistress whore happen. This is a video for the second single "Beautiful Heartache" off of Oksana Grigorieva's new album which was produced by Sugar Tits himself. The video was also directed by Mel in Mexico. Usually, a soggy butt nugget only takes a few minutes to come out (after a cup of Sanka), but this one took seven whole days!
I hope OctoSana's vagina produces prettier sounds than her mouth hole does, because the bitch cannot sing worth a dick! Mel needs to do an exorcism on her vocal chords! It's a good thing the ho got knocked up, because she's not going to make her fortune in music.
And what is she singing about anyway? "I love the way you wear your skin"?! The fuck? This sounds like Buffalo Bill's big number from Silence of the Lambs the Musical.
Devout Catholic Mel Gibson kind of broke the rules when he knocked up his whore, but don't you dare talk about it! If you gossip about it, Mel will shut you down! That's what Mel apparently told the congregation at Holy Family Chapel in Agoura Hills, CA during Sunday mass. Radar says that Mel pretty much knocked Jesus off the cross, got up on there and went on a crazed rant about all the gossip in the church. And the church statues cracked from laughing so hard......
A witness said that Mel lost it (but did he ever have "it"?) in front of two priests and a bishop, “Mel got up on his stage -- the altar -- and went off. He tried to intimidate the parishioners by staring at everyone with his angry eyes. Mel even threatened to shut down the church if people kept gossiping about him. The bottom line is that if Mel hadn’t cheated on his wife and gotten his Russian girlfriend pregnant, there wouldn’t be much to gossip about – he created this mess, and now he’s trying to control it."
You know, it would've been okay for God to aim his Nerf gun loaded with a bolt of lighting at Mel and strike him down. An act of GOD! I'm sure he would've gotten the Nobel Peace Prize or at least a gift certificate to In 'N Out (which is even better).
It sounds like it's time for a good ole' excommunication partay!!!