Mel Gibson

The rumor that a new spawn of Gibson will soon be upon us has been confirmed as TRUE! The old crazy goat made jokes with Jay Leno about it on the Tonight Show last night. It may be a bag full of LOLs to him, but nobody else is laughing. The only way we'll laugh is if Mel's whore gives birth to a pair of tits made out of sugar or a yarmulke!

29-year-old Oksana Grigorieva will pop out Mel's 8th child sometime this fall. Some source who sounds like they are suffering from a serious case of delusion told People that the pregnancy has nothing to do with the reason why Mel's wife of 28 years filed for divorce. According to the source, nobody knew the ho had a fetus growing inside of her until after the red stamp labeled FILED was branded into the papers.

Mel blames himself for the fact that his marriage turned into dust. Mel told Jay, "My wife and I, our marriage ended three years ago and we've been separated ever since then. When it's all said and done, I did a pretty good hatchet job on my marriage myself. I'm to blame. If you're inclined to judge, put it here."

Mel also said it was true that his trick is knocked up. When Jay joked that this will be his 29th child, Mel said, "Well, actually eight. I guess I'm Octo-Mel." OCTO-MEL?! Do you hear that? It's the sizzling sound of all your ovaries slowly melting. It's bad enough that Mel's whore looks like the IVF baby of OctoMommy and an eel.

Is there somewhere in the Catholic bible that says if you take a hatchet to your marriage and impregnate your Russian mistress, you must be fed to an overgrown raging possum (aka Kate Gosselin's hair)? Because if that isn't in the Catholic Bible, someone (I'm looking at you, Jesus) needs to add that shit now and show it to Mel. This is our way out!

Brace yourselves! The rumor that Mel Gibson knocked up his OctoCrazy look-a-like whore might be true! Earlier this month, The National Enquirer said that Mel told his estranged wife and his sons that his paid pussy, Oksana Grigorieva, is pregnant! TMZ is now co-signing that claim and said OctoSana is in her second trimester.

Wouldn't that be hot if she gave birth to a little Jewish man? Then Mel Gibson would explode into a cloud of dust and we'd be rid of his lunatic ass forever.

Seriously, this is not good news for humanity. I need a holy water-tini followed by a few snorts of crushed down communion wafers. However, I will raise a glass to OctoSana, because that shameless bitch is making that cash! SANTO DIOS!!!!

Mel Gibson and his wifey were separated for a couple of years before she dropped divorced papers into his lap, right? Why would she suddenly want to legally quit his ass after two years of being broken up? The National Enquirer (via Showbiz Spy) says that the reason might have been because Mel's new whore is carrying his latest spawn. File this under: The Passion of the NOOOOO!!!

A source said that Oksana Grigorieva is about three months pregnant. Late last month, Mel gathered his whole family around and let them all know the horrific news. Mel's oldest sons, Edward and Christian, immediately hired lawyers to make sure their trust funds are safe. The source went on to say, “They are quite upset. Even though Mel assured them the pregnancy was unplanned, they’re furious with him and say they’re going to take steps to protect their inheritance, which they feel is in jeopardy.”

Cue my Catholic abuelita screaming SANTO DIOS again! A married Catholic knocking up his married whore who has the face of an OctoCrazy? Typical shit.

If this is true, I have to hand it to OctoSana. Bitch knows how to get that money in record time. She saw, he came, she conquered, I barfed.

Just like the Catholic Church, Mel Gibson has nothing to hide, so he swung his doors wide open and brought out his new Russian piece to a screening of Wolverine last night Los Angeles. It's been a little over two weeks since Mel's wife filed to legally quit his insane ass. The documents claim they have been split up for over two years.

53-year-old (yeah, that's all) Mel and his 39-year-old girlfriend, Russian composer and Timothy Daltona's baby mama Oksana Grigorieva, have been hiding out in Costa Rica where they've spent their time on their knees praying, of course. The two met after Oksana was signed to Mel's music label Sugar Tits Records.

Last night was their first public appearance together. You know, they just wanted to be like every couple and go see a movie together. They had no idea hundreds of photographers would be there to capture this special moment which would be published all over the world. I'm sure smug ass Mel is grinning at the thought of his ole' wifey opening up the newspaper and seeing this silver bullet to the heart.

Mel's rep told People, "Mel has been single for almost three years and it's nice to see him getting out and enjoying himself." By the looks of him, Mel hasn't enjoyed himself since the late 80s. Can I get a B-E-A-T?

Seriously, I thought doing sexy times with a younger bitch was supposed to make you look all fresh and shit? Because Mel's got the olds in a bad way all over his mug. He needs a holy water and communion wafer facial.

As for Oksana, she kind of looks like a hybrid of OctoMommy and Sophia Lamar, a famous NYC tranny. And how can she go from Timothy Dalton to that?! We know she's riding on Mel's crucifix for the coin, but does she realize that his wife is going to run off with half of his fortune? Bitch better hope she is the second coming of OctoMommy and pops out a litter of money babies. Because fucking on that haggard goat and not having anything to show for it afterwards is a sin!

In case your body is still in a sugar shock after devouring a flock of Peeps causing you to be foggy in the brains, this picture was taken in the 80s. That gorgeous Aquanet can next to Mel Gibson is his wife Robyn. Robyn totally needs to be on the receiving end of a Aquanet bukkake again, so she can bring back that totally sexy hair now that she's almost legally single and ready to mingle.

TMZ says Robyn gave her husband of 28 years a special Easter present by filing for divorce! Robyn is about to be free of the lunacy!

In the documents, Robyn blamed the standby excuse "irreconcilable differences" on the reason why she wants to throw her marriage into the fire. Robyn may blame "irreconcilable difference," but fucked-up Mel is totally going to blame Jews.

Robyn could also be swimming in a sea of money soon, because she doesn't have a prenup with Mel. According to California law, Robyn is entitled to half of Mel's multi-million dollar fortune. Robyn wants spousal support, joint custody of their 10-year-old son and attorney fees. They have 7 kids together, but only one is a minor.

TMZ says that the divorce doesn't have much to do with the recent rumor that Mel is doing illegal sexy times with some ho. Their problems started long before that mess.

Oh, I hope Robyn bends Mel Gibson over and butt fucks MILLIONS out of his crazy ass! And I hope she calls him "sugartits" while doing say. Get that money, bitch!

A Cheeto-kissed Brit Brit and Mel Gibson reunited over cigars last night at the Havana Club in Beverly Hills. People reports the two spent over two-and-a-half hours in the members-only club together for "an ongoing guidance session." Mel guiding Brit Brit? Crazy leading the crazy! That's like Gary Busy acting as a sober mentor to Jeff Conaway. Oh wait.....

Oh please don't tell me Mel tried to pull a "Lewinsky" on Brit Brit with his cigar. Naw, Brit Brit isn't down for that kind of fuckery. Unless the cigar was dipped in pork rind fat and then she'd have to think about it.

And hopefully Mel doesn't call Brit "sugartits." She'll take it literally and bite off one of her chichis.

Here's Brit and Mel last night and also Brit shopping earlier in the day.

ET reports that Brit Brit Spears and Mel Gibson are currently on their way to Costa Rica together. They both left on a private plane this morning from Los Angeles. Sources claim that Mel is taking Brit and Daddy Spears for a weekend vacation. Brit Brit's boys will not be joining her, because she needs approval to take them out of the country.

Back in March, the two had dinner together in Studio City..... Dinner followed by sexay times! Gross.

Shit! Brit Brit is totally knocked up and Mel's the baby daddy! Move over Shiloh, we have a new chosen one.

Brit Brit and Mel Gibson shared a bowl of borscht over the weekend, but it wasn't their first time meeting up. People reports that they have hung out a few times since she checked out of the crazy house. A source said, "Mel and his wife Robin clearly saw a woman in crisis and wanted to extend themselves in any way possible. There's just a handful of people in the world who understand the kind of intense attention that Britney goes through, and how to raise a family with some semblance of privacy and how to keep one's family intact and out of the limelight."

Brit and Mel used to live near one another in Malibu, so the source said Mel is just reaching out as a neighbor. He has no agenda. Yeah fucking right. He just wants to tap that.

PageSix.com claims Mel does have an agenda. He wants Britney's voice! He has asked her to sing at his church. An inside source said, “Apparently, he is trying to get her to start attending his church [Church of the Holy Family] in Malibu. We heard he asked her to sing at one of the weekly sessions there.”

Hasn't Jesus been through enough? He died for our sins and now he has to suffer through Britney's singing? Unholy! And this close to Easter? Mel needs to say a million Hail Marys for even thinking about that. That should also keep him busy for a while, so he won't make another jack-off piece like Apocalypto.