Crazy

While security was taking a brain vacation, a crazy Brit Brit fan (totally redundant, right?) fluttered onto the stage while she was performing at the Mohegan Sun in Connecticut last night. The Cheeto lover managed to get right in Brit Brit's face before anyone even realized there was any stalker shit going down. If you watch the clip above, you can see Brit Brit is just sort of standing there, kind of paralyzed (or maybe that's what she calls dancing?) while he busts his glitter on her.

Brit probably asked him, "Is yooz tha purdy purdy fairy thet visited me in mah dreams last night? Eff ahs jump on yer shoulders will yooz fly me to tha lands where it's always Christmas, Cheetos grow on trees, Frapp rains frum tha skies an' mah pussy is nevah hangin' out?" Before he could answer her, Brit's back-up dancers and security shuffled him away.

According to TMZ, police say the 20-year-old Britaloonie goes by the name of Kyle King and had obviously been getting crunk last night. PURPLE DRANK, I assume? Anyway, Kyle got real grouchy-like with police, so they arrested him and booked him for effing with the cops. Kyle was released this morning on $250 bail.

You'd think that after the PURPLE DRANK haze wore off, Kyle would've immediately strapped himself into a straitjacket and checked into the nearest loony bin, but he didn't do this. Instead, he went on YouTube to explain the fuckery! Kyle says he's not crazy, he wasn't drunk and he's not Chris Crocker. Okay, okay, whatever you say! I think I'm more concerned about his blonde hair/dark eyebrow combo. How should I feel about this? I mean, some of my favorite gorgeous cholita beauties have platinum hair matched with jet black Sharpie eyebrows. Hmmm... I'm going to take a bong hit and process.

Being Paula Abdul's friend would be like the best thing ever! Not only do you get Xanax in your Cheerios when you have breakfast at her house, but she'd be so much fun to play pranks on. If you told her that she is the real Craigslist killer, she'd immediately turn herself in, because she'd totally believe you. If you told her she could grow a pill tree by planting an Adderall doll in the ground, she'd spend the whole night in her backyard with a shovel and some Miracle-Gro.

Because Paula has the common sense of a boiled avocado seed, she is the perfect person for Sacha Baron Cohen to fool!

Page Six says that for his movie, SBC interviewed Paula as Bruno. Paula had no idea she was being tricked. A source said, "Paula was totally fooled. She bought into his character and to this day isn't aware she was fooled."

To this day, I don't think she's aware that Skat Kat isn't real. NOBODY TELL HER. It would break her little lude-filled heart. It would be like her epic Bratz meltdown all over again! "Where's God when you need him?" Oh, Paula, he's sitting in that little Vicodin bottle waiting for you!

American Idol breeds crazy stalkers! Basically. Yet another American Idol auditioner was caught creeping up on a celebwhore. Yesterday morning, 26-year-old Miranda Tozier-Robbins was arrested after Brit Brit's security people found her roaming the grounds of the Cheeto Kingdom and looking into the windows. Miranda was wearing camouflage and carrying a backpack with a video camera and strap-on inside. Okay, I made up the strap-on part, but it's probably true.

When security told her to eat a snatch and get the steppin', Miranda "balked at their requests." Yeah, who do those security people think they are! Miranda was invited there by Brit Brit herself! Well, not exactly Brit Brit herself. Miranda was eating a Slim Jim one day and after she bitch (typo, but it stays) into one, she noticed her teeth marks left an impression that perfectly resembled Our Lady of Cheetos' precious face. Some hos see Jesus in their Slim Jims. She saw Cheesus! Then Brit Brit's Slim Jim face opened its processed-meaty lips and said, "Saaaaaaaaaave me, yoo trimenjus flat top dyke! Saaaaaaave me! Mah pussy is hanging out for you. Merry Christmas! Rock with your cock out. Saaave me!" So that's what she was doing.

Security finally pulled Miranda's ass of the property and called the police. Miranda was booked on charges of trespassing and disorderly conduct. She was released on a citation and will have to show her face in court on June 16th.

Crazy really does attract crazy. For Miranda's sake, I hope they have flannel straitjackets at the loony bin she's eventually going to go to.

Source: USWeekly

Well, damn! First of all, I didn't know Jamie Foxx had a show on Sirius called The Foxxhole. Second of all, I didn't know how he really felt about Miley Cyrus until now. This past weekend on his show, Jamie and his co-whores completely trashed 16-year-old Miley. They seriously threw that lil' Miley into a trash can and rolled her ass into traffic! I laughed, but we all know there's a special spot reserved for me on the dingy boat to HELL!!!!

When talking about how she vowed to ruin Radiohead for dissing her at the Grammys, Jamie, who has a teenager daughter of his own, and company lifted the lid and went fucking off! The random insults just came flying out.

Wanda Wayne and friends said Miley "needs to get a gum transplant," "make a sex tape with your daddy," "get like Britney Spears...do some heroin," "get some crack in your pipe" and "catch chlamydia on a bicycle seat.” And I thought I had some things to say! Damn, Jamie! Put all that emotion into a song and then I might listen to your music. Better yet, that should be Jamie's acceptance speech when he wins a Razzie for that foolery called The Soloist.

What do you think Jamie will say in his apology? That his comments were taken out of context? That he's suffering from exhaustion? Or maybe he'll pull a Woody Harrelson and say he thought Miley was a zombie.

Mega bonghead Woody Harrelson got into a little tussle at NYC's LaGuardia Airport this past Thursday with a TMZ cameradude who wanted to get up into his life. Woody didn't feel like playing, so he grabbed at the dude and broke one of his cameras. The dude can be heard whining on the video from TMZ that Woody is assaulting him. Woody busted out of there and the cameradude called the police who took his report.

This isn't the first time Woody got down with a pap from TMZ. Two years ago, Woody was accused of choking a trick from TMZ. Woody is trying to get that case dismissed.

Yesterday, Woody issued a statement explaining what went down at LaGuardia:

"I wrapped a movie called `Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character. With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie."

So that's why I like Woody Harrelson!

You know, don't zombies usually attack bitches with brains?! They were going after the wrong ho, because Woody smoked up his brains years ago! And Woody needs to watch more zombie movies. You don't attack their asses! You go for the head! GO FOR THE HEAD!!!

This is just another reason why weed is a beautiful thing. It makes you say hilarious shit like this!

Source

At the Berlin Zoo yesterday, a crazy lady decided to take off her shoes and pay Knut a little visit! It was polite of her to take off her shoes before entering...

The 32-year-old loontardian, who was visiting the zoo with her husband and baby, broke into the polar bear enclosure during the perfect time: FEEDING TIME! Why are people stupid? Why?

When the crazy bitch finally got in, she seemed like she was filled with happiness as she swam towards one of the older polar bears. Knut was not around at the time, because he was doing a photo shoot with Playgirl or something. Now, I don't know what kind of craziness was swirling through that bitch's head while she swam towards a hongray polar bear. Maybe she thought it would be like the cartoons and they'd skip off together into the fake icy tundra. Obviously, that didn't happen.

The polar bears must have thought it was their fucking birthday! Here was a special needs seal swimming directly into their mouths! It didn't take long for them to begin biting at the bitch! When the kook realized the polar bears were gnawing at her instead of showering her with welcoming kisses, she began swimming towards safety. Some of the zoo workers tried to get the bears away from her while others hoisted the heifer up the wall with a lifesaver. The first time they tried, the lifesaver broke, but eventually they got her ass up there. The woman was taken to the nearest hospital where she was treated for bites to her arms and legs.

Nobody knows why she decided it was a good idea to try to play with the polar bears, but I think I know why. It's because she's FUCKING CRAZIER THAN FUCKING CRAZY! Let's be serious.

I think she also might be stalking Knut. Knut needs to look into taking out a restraining order against that nut!

Below is video of her rescue and also some pictures of her getting bit by a polar bear. Maybe he wasn't trying to eat her ass. Maybe he was getting kinky with her?

This is what happens when you attempt to interview a costume shop owner who happens to be infected with a disease called Crazybitchitis.

NBC10 showed up to a costume shop in Providence, RI to talk to the owner, Ann Bruno, about the accusations that she cyberstalked one of her competitors! If costume shop wars are this crazy, rent me a storefront, get me a bunny costume and sign me up for this shit! Seriously, we should all be costume shop owners, so we can wear costumes all day and act like straitjacket-chewing lunatics! That is the life.

Ann does half of the interview wearing a slutty Easter Bunny head and the other half wearing the mask of arresting officer Bootsy! Something tells me those are just two of her dozens of personalities! If Annie Wilkes from Misery was a costume shop owner, this is what she would look like.

And please tell me I'm not the only who cried a little on the inside out of a fear when she said, "I'm baaaad." That's what villains in horror movies always say before they stab you in the froat!

VIA Videogum

Suri Cruise is already forced to spend hours working the famorewhore stroll with her weepy-bot mother, but that shit only consumes a small part of her week. The rest of the week is filled with lessons! French lessons, Spanish lessons, ballet lessons, tap lessons, jazz lessons and modern dance lessons! Lessons, Mr. Moss! That's what The National Enquirer says anyway.

A source said Tommy Girl has spent $1 million on lessons so Suri can be the best. It's his "little troll trying to compensate" syndrome acting up again. The source said, "It doesn't matter what Suri is doing, Tom wants her to be able to do it better than any other child. All parents think their kids are special, but Tom and Katie firmly believe Suri is gifted. She is learning French and Spanish and has a tutor she sees once a week. Suri has shown a real love of dancing, so Tom and Katie are encouraging her as much as possible. She practices ballet, tap and modern dance for hours, nearly every day. She also has private gymnastics lessons and is learning soccer. Katie likes to have Victoria and David Beckham's sons around, since they are older. She thinks Suri will emulate what they do and learn even faster."

Damn. When does she have time to drink?! Seriously, I bet Tommy makes Suri takes all her lessons privately so the peon children won't taint her!

$1 million is also the amount of money Suri is going to need to pay for all the therapy and anti-depressants she will need in about 10 years. Oh, did I say anti-depressants? I didn't mean that. I'm just being glib.

VIA Showbiz Spy

Remember when Courtney Love was traipsing the streets of Beverly Hills with hundreds of "important financial documents" screaming about how someone stole all her money. You know, she was yammering on and on about magical evil trolls that snuck into her wallet and robbed her of millions of dollars. Well, the First Lady of Batshit Crazy got a lawyer to believe her. Yeah, a lawyer will tell you whatever you want to hear as long as you keep that retainer warm and full.

One of Courtney's lawyers told Page Six that a team of investigators and forensic accountants found out that thieves stole around $30 million in cash and $500 million in real estate from Kurt Cobain's estate. Court's lawyer, Scooby Doo, said, "We will be filing civil cases . . . within the next 30 days. There are many, many millions missing. We've only been able to track down $30 million, but there is more. And then there is the real estate. There is now a web of homes which were bought, flipped and used to launder money -- up to $500 million worth. Any of the property we can get back will be donated to people who have lost their homes in foreclosures."

Courtney said she noticed she was broke when all the money was gone. Yeah, that'll happen if you take up permanent residence inside a crack pipe. Court's lawyer said that when she found out she had no more money, she hired people to look into it. The authorities are also involved. Scooby went on to say, "When Mr. Cobain died in 1994, he left his enormously wealthy estate behind for the benefit of his mother, two sisters, a brother, his wife and young daughter. Many of those [involved with] the estate's coffers mismanaged, stole and outright looted it shamelessly."

SPOILER ALERT: You know where all that money went? Up her motherfucking nose! Just like that. Court's nose even knew it was doing some shady shit, so it disguised itself to look like Jacko's penis head. Lock it up.

And I hope this goes to trial eventually, because think of all the amazing moments Court will create on the stand! She will put the loons in all my favorite afternoon court shows to SHAME!

The next time OctoMommy goes to get the mail from her box, she might find a check from fellow baby addict St. Angie Jo rather than a flaming shit-filled diaper with the words "TAKE YOUR CRAZY PUSSY ELSEWHERES" written all over it. That'll be a nice change.

Star Magazine says St. Angie is considering dropping a few thousand dollars into the greedy hands of OctoMommy. St. Angie knows what it feels like to swim through a river of newborn diarrhea on a daily basis, so she wants to help. Some source who may be suffering from a disease called Sofuckingdelusionalitis, said, "Angelina is worried about the best interests of the kids. As a mom of six, she knows how chaotic and costly raising a big family can be. She doesn't necessarily approve of Nadya, and she doesn't want to turn the situation into even more of a circus."

St. Angie knows a baby machine with a uterus made out of steel when she sees one, so that check is actually payment for OctoCrazy! St. Angie is going to import her to wherever the fuck her holy family is living, throw her into the basement, give her a box of IVF needles and allow the junkie to get her fix. 9 months later, St. Angie will slither down the stairs, grab her new bundle of BABIES!!!, throw another box at OctoCrazy and let the cycle repeat itself. Vadge is kicking herself in her roidy-crotch that she didn't think of this first.