Pink

Every year Heidi Klum throws a huge Halloween party and this bitch usually gets dressed up in some extravagant shit that makes all of us look like we should just go home and let the professional do her job. Yes, Heidi is the grand dame of Halloween!

Heidi did not disappoint with her costume last night. She went as Hindu goddess Kali. You know she was in make-up for fucking days. As hot as she looks, this costume is not for everyone.

Imagine getting wasted in this mess? I would probably accidentally stab myself in the asshole with that sword or get really intimate with one of those severed heads thinking it's some hot dude. And those cut-off arms hanging down below could come in handy if your private area is feeling tingly and you need a little help. Okay...I'm starting to see the positives in wearing this craziness.

Heidi's dude, Seal, dressed as some warrior finger banger. I'm sure he dressed as someone specific, but I'm dumb in the brains and it's too early for me to spend my time going on a google search. Scream at me if you know the answer.

Other guests at Heidi's soiree included Christian Siriano as Cruelle de Ville, Pink as some curious lesbian clown doll and Marc Bower as a gay angel of death.

Pink is out promoting an album so now is a good time as any to talk about her problems with ze booze. Pink said she checked into a "health center" this past summer because she started binge drinking and was afraid she developed a nasty little habit.

She says, "A few months ago, I went to see a specialist because I thought I was an alcoholic. I have a problem with my vices. I've kicked the drugs, but every now and then I have to go out and get completely wasted on alcohol. For me it's about losing control. I'm such a control freak it's very hard for me to lose my inhibitions without something chemical inside me. How do you really have fun if there isn't a little drink in you? I don't actually know."

The answer to Pink's question is: you don't. I'm joking! The real answer to her question is: you smoke crack instead. I'm full of jokes today! The real REAL answer to her question is: you let a stranger finger bang you.....with a condom on his finger of course!

Pink went on to say, "I checked into Canyon Ranch in Tucson, Arizona, in the summer and I went to see a therapist, telling him I was an alcoholic. He asked me when I'd had my last drink and I couldn't remember - it had been a few weeks previously. I then read the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) manual cover to cover and we talked. I realized I wasn't an alcoholic, just someone who likes to get drunk every now and again. I'm trying to work out if that's a bad thing."

Pink, the next time you think you have a problem with booze, drink more booze. After you wake up from blacking out, you would have forgotten all about this supposed "booze problem." See how that works?

Here's a few pictures of Pink looking like a dusty tampon at the ARIA Awards in Sydney yesterday.

Is there a new celebrity member of the alien army?! Star Magazine (via SFGate) reports that thanks to Juliette Lewis, Pink may be dipping her butchie toes into Tommy Girl's crazy pool. Juliette introduced Pink to Scientology because she felt it might help her deal with the depression from her marriage ending.

A source said, "Pink is in the beginning stages of checking out the religion, but she has taken to it and she wants to get more involved."

If Pink is blue because of her heart being broken and all, why doesn't she deal with it the way most of us deal with it? Watch a lot of porn, eat a lot of shit food and get yourself a Tickle-Me-Elmo. Those things always make me laugh. I mean, he giggles when you touch him in the belly! What's better than that?

Tommy Girl's caca slide is probably salivating at the thought of Pink joining his crew. John Travolta just doesn't know how to work a strap-on. It keeps slipping out, ruining the moment. Tommy Girl knows that Pink can bust a hole with her strap-on skills. And Pink isn't allergic to ASS DUST!

Pink, the bull dyke with a clit of gold, has a new video for her really angry song "So What." While watching this shit, I can almost feel the heat from her flaming fish breath. The bitch is mad as hell. The song is basically about pretending like everything is fine while dealing with a break-up. Pink said the song isn't about her ex-husband Carey Fart (typo and it says.) He makes a cameo in the video.

This video shows you how not to act during a break-up. Don't get mad, get fucked! Some people tell you to "eat ice cream and watch chick flicks," but I say you should eat dick cream and watch chicks with dicks flicks! That's what Pink should do. Put down the chainsaw and pick up a vibrator! Her clenched vagina will thank her for it.

And I've always loved Pink. She's the gayelle love child of Brigitte Nielsen and Tabatha from "Salon Takeover."

Poor Pink. She looks like a sad little lesbian in need of a good Indigo Girls serenade. She's also looking like Liza Minnelli after a 3-day bender. When did Pink become so matronly? She looks like she's ready to teach literature at an all-girls college. I want her to school me on Sylvia Plath or something.

Don't be sad Pink. Sad lesbians make children cry and I'm sure this was not your intention. Here's Pink moping through JFK airport.

Splash

Ellen Degeneres was the tuna in a lesbo sandwich with Pink and Portia de Rossi being the bread. The three joined lesbo-superforces at last night's pre-Grammy party given by Clive Davis. Vaginas everywhere are just blowing up at the sight of this picture.