Kelly Osbourne

Somebody had too many kamikaze shots. A pap claims Kelly Osbourne was escorted out of a club in London, because she couldn't stand up! That's why bars have bathrooms! You lock yourself in a stall and take a little nap. If a bathroom stall isn't available, nap under a table. The kicks from the people above will rock you to sleep.

Kelly managed to get home, but the paps say she almost exposed her coochie while falling out of her cab. She walked across the street to her house and walked into a wall. Been there, done that. At least she got into her house. There's been times where I got drunk and lost my house keys in the bar! It's hard trying to sleep off the booze in a hallway or in bushes.

You know Marilyn Manson ordered Evan Rachel Wood to scour the vintage stores and replicate Dita Von Teese's outfit or else! If she doesn't do it, she'll have to sleep in the coffin again.

Here's Dita looking like Lovey Howell as she tried to avoid the sun at the Coachella yesterday.

Dita recently said that she does whatever it takes to keep her baby powder skin from getting tan. She said, "I never go sunbathing. My worst fear is looking down and seeing brown, wrinkly cleavage. It will get white and wrinkly, but there is no need to rush it. I pack vitamins to stop the sun doing anything to me. Some foods accelerate tanning, so I'm very careful about what I eat." Damn. The woman has dedication. I get up, go piss, put on some sweats and call it a day. Dita probably spends 2 hours picking her outfit and then another 2 hours picking out shit to eat that won't tan her skin.

Below are some other twats at Coachella including Sienna Miller, Kelly Osbourne, Kimbo Stewart and Melanie Griffith. They don't hold a candle to Dita's glamour!

Is it just me or does Melanie look like she's suffering from cokey mouth?

Kelly Osbourne performed "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on ITV's "Guilty Pleasures" this past Saturday. The show asks bitches to perform their favorite guilty pleasure song. Kelly was fucking amazing. She has the voice of a thousand angels wrapped up in a cashmere blanket. I want to burn the song into special earphones and have these earphones surgically implanted into my ears, so I can listen to her song 24 hours a day. I'm just licking your butt lips. She fucking sucked.

They need to ban that song from karaoke bars too. Every time I go to karaoke there is one drunk ass college bitch that has to butcher the fuck out of that song. She's usually had three too many Long Island Iced teas. It's even worse when her friends join in and it's like a drunk slut chorus.

Source

Tara Reid is most likely not even drunk in these pictures. Her face just always has that drunk look. It's probably years and years of being a drunk whore that her face just kind of molds that way every now and again. I love that she's wearing such a lady-like CZ necklace. I know where that ended up by the end of the night. Anal beads!

Speaking of lit, here's Kelly Osbourne in London last night. Now that she's a skinny bitch, she can't hold her booze. Oh the life of a no-talent celebrity! Up all night, sleep all day! That's right....ahhhhhhh....Sorry, I have that Slaughter song in my head.

Here's skinny bitch, Kelly Osbourne, with a mushroom hair lady friend shopping in London yesterday. If Kelly gets any skinnier her head is going to pop right off. I think her head is bigger than her waist. She looks hot though.

Oh and focus on the last thumbnail below. Get her ATM code! Then we can finally run away together to the islands and raise goats. Yes, I'm talking to you.

Remember when Daddy Spears was photographed taking out Britney's infamous pink wig? I know who fished that shit out of the dumpster! Amy Wino! It looks better on her. Amy is seen here playing dress up with Kelly Osbourne and her goddaughter last week. She sort of looks like my friend Scott in drag.

The pics of Wino with her goddaughter are so precious. Thinking of Wino teaching the girl how to ride through her first heroin seizure brings a tear to my eye.

It's fucking good to see Beth Ditto even though she looks like one big Nerf ball. I'm also a little weepy that she didn't bring it all out for the Brit Awards and by "all out" I mean show her ass. I'm sure she will by the end of the night when she's had too many Fuzzy Navels. That dress will be on the floor and I probably will regret what I wished for.

Also at the Brits tonight are Alien Princess RiRi in a dress by Reynolds Wrap. She's fucking ready to be beamed up after this bitch. Also Kelly Osbourne who is basically shrinking into nothingness. She was with her family and her mother wore the same damn frock she always wears. Of course, Mark Ronson was there. He's performing with Amy Wino tonight. He could be covered in elephant shit and I would still think he was a hot piece.

Kelly Osbourne, that man is trying to say something to you. Please take off your dime store shades and give him some time. He's probably saying, "Take off your dime store shades!" Here's Kelly looking pretty slim out in London last night and at an H&M event. She's getting skinny, but her head is getting bigger. It's like all the air from her body was released into her head.

That outfit is pretty horrendous too. Switch out the black shirt with a white shirt and she could be a waiter at Olive Garden. Mmmm....Olive Garden. Salads and breadsticks.

Kelly Osbourne told Heat Magazine that everyone suddenly likes her now that she's thinner, but didn't like her when she was fat. She said, "I don't like the way that suddenly now everyone likes me because I've lost two stone. Why was I a bitch before? Because I was fat?"

"I was always the fat spoilt brat because I was fat. Just because I'm a size 8-10 now doesn't mean a size 12 was fat."

I always think it's the other way around. I knew this ho that was so much fun when she was fat and when she got skinny she became a Grade-A cunt! She thought she was the hottest shit since Jello 1-2-3! When she got skinny she started telling me that I needed to lose a few. What a bitch!

Oh and Kelly's not fat anymore, but she's still a spoiled bitch!

Source: Mirror

Kate Moss' 34th Birthday blowout started at 2:30pm yesterday and it's going. Kate and her guests started boozing at the Dorchester Hotel before continuing their debauchery at Punk night club. When that shit let out they continued to drink to their livers fell out at Kate's house. Don't any of these people have jobs? Is this fucking ancient Greece?

Kate's hard partying is written all over her face. She needs a good scrub. She also needs Dreamboat Doherty back in her life. It's just not the same without him. He was probably standing on his balcony, drinking hot tea (because he doesn't booze anymore...ha!) and singing a lullaby to Kate. It's like the crackhead version of "An American Tail." Cue band! "Somewhere......out there........beeeeeneeeath the pale mooooonlight..someone's thinking ooooof meeee..."

Here's Kate with her guests which included her fugly fug boyfriend, Kelly Osbourne and Ronnie Wood.