Diddy

I love Diddy's fucked up video rants, but this one is better viewed with your eyes closed. Diddy spinning the camera around isn't doing my hangover any favors. While watching this shit, I kept stomping my leg down thinking I was on a playground spinner.

In his newest video, Diddy doesn't understand why John McCain chose the chick from Alaska as his running mate. According to Diddy, there is nothing going on in Alaska. Diddy isn't even sure if there are any black people or crackheads living in Alaska.

Somewhere in Alaska there's a black guy and a cracked out polar bear, sitting in an igloo, crying icy tears over the fact that the almighty Diddy doesn't know they're alive.

The gas situation needs to change! It has gone too fucking far. I mean, Diddy has been forced to fly commercial, because gas prices are "too fucking high." It's criminal! Commercial seats do not cradle the sexy the way private jet seats do. Seriously, someone needs to lose their life over this.

Diddy posted a video blog on his YouTube account complaining about having to fly commercial. He rants: “Gas prices are too motherfucking high. As you know, I do own my own jet and I have been having flying back and forth to LA pursuing my acting career. Now, if I’m flying back and forth, like, twice in a month that’s like $200,000 or $250,000 round trip. FUCK that. I’m back on American Airlines right now. Ok? Your boy Diddy right now is on American Airlines. Look. I want to give a shout out to all my Saudi Arabian brothers and sisters and all my brothers and sisters from all the countries that have oil, if you could all please send me some oil for my jet I would truly appreciate it. But right now, can you believe it, I am actually flying commercial. That’s how high gas prices are ok, so I feel you. Look, I’m at the gate right now. This is proof that gas prices are too high, we need to do something about it, so tell whoever the next president is that we need to bring gas back down.”

Do you hear that Obama? You better address this shit on Thursday! Eff everything else. Shit, I think we should all send Diddy some gas. This is dead wrong.

Although, I may have the answer to his predicament. Has he tried plugging himself into his private jet? I'm sure it can run on his ego alone.

Everyone is talking about the Olympics. I've even caught my dog humming the Olympic theme every now and again. In honor of the Olympics, NY Magazine asked Diddy if there were a new Olympic sport that he thinks he could win the gold medal in, what would it be? You know he's been waiting for this question. I'm surprised he didn't say he would win the gold in "moisturizing the sexy."

Instead he said, "Who could have sex the longest. I think that's an event I can do well in. And probably who could stay up the longest. Just so you know, that's supposed to be funny. Even though I am serious."

It would have to be a solo event. He would also get extra points for screaming his own name and cumming douche water.

Kim Porter was with Diddy for 10 fucking years. They have 3 children together and his ass never married her. I think they were engaged at least 100 times, but I'm not sure. Star Magazine reports that Diddy is telling his friends and family that he will marry a woman and her name is not Kim Porter. Her name is Cassandra Ventura. That's a hot name. She's got Kim in the name department. Sorry.

A source said, "Diddy said they hadn't set a date yet, but he wanted his family to hear the news first." 38-year-old Diddy met 21-year-old Cassie when he signed her to his label in 2006.

If Cassie thinks she's getting the wedding of her dreams, she's mistaken. This is going to be The Diddy Show. He will be the bride, groom, priest, best man, all of the groomsmen and all of the bridesmaids. Everything will have his face on it and he'll perform at the ceremony and the reception. Cassie will just sit on the side, waiting until it's time to cut the damn cake.

That's if Kim Porter doesn't crash the ceremony. Shit, I'll even drive her ass there and hold down Diddy while Kim slaps the shit out of him. Then we'll steal a bunch of jordan almonds (love those) and bust out of there.

In Diddy's latest YouTube video, he gets all spiritual about running. He goes on and on and on about running. Running! And by "running," I think he means freebasing. This is why I stay away from any kind of exercise. It's not good for your brains.

Whenever I need to think about life, I eat a bowl of Pintos 'n Cheese from Taco Bell. Not for any particular reason, but just because that shit is goooood.

Mondays are confusing enough and now Diddy has made it even more confusing. Can we all just pretend it's Sunday and go back to bed?

P.S. - Diddy, I don't get it and I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about!

Diddy told Metro UK that he preserves the sexy by regularly waxing his nutsack. He said, "While I'm getting ready I like to relax with a drink – vodka and lemonade – and listen to some James Brown. Then I'll have a manicure and pedicure – and yes, I wax as well. Men owe it to women to make sure they are well-groomed. I wax my privates. I also wear my fragrance, Unforgivable Black."

Wait, he waxes his nuts and then splashes cologne on that shit?! His nuts must be dipped in bronze because that sounds as pleasant as getting finger banged by Edward Scissorhands.

And there's nothing wrong with smooth nuts. Hairless balls means that no pubies will get stuck in your mouth during oral times. That's a good thing.

Thanks Harmony

In case you give a possum's chode, Diddy wants to be called Puff Daddy again. On one of O'Neal McKnight's tracks, Diddy raps, "They call me Puff Daddy...he's back. Yeah, you heard me right—I said Puff Daddy. I'm about to back on that Puff Daddy shit." He's seriously getting too old for that shit.

He also wrote on one of his MySpace blogs, "This is your boy Puff Daddy!!! Yes Puff Daddy." He's since changed it.

How about we just call him Puffy McCunt? It's classic and has a nice ring to it.

Source: E! News

Cammy and Diddy both need to lay off the ganja because it's fucking with their common sense. Actually. Cammy doesn't have any common sense. Dating Justin Timberlake proved that point. Rush & Molly reports that Diddy and Cammy might have been dating on the down low for a couple of months now.

During the past couple of months, Pizzaface 1 and Pizzaface 2 have been seen "canoodling" and acting all secret-like at various restaurants and clubs. They might be ready to bring their barf union out into the open. A source saw them holding hands during a party at Prince's mansion this past Friday. A source also saw Cammy spoon-feeding Diddy bread pudding. Um...that wasn't bread pudding. That was her panty pudding!

Later in the night, the two were seen almost kissing in Prince's basement. When they realized people were watching, they went into another room and closed the door.

Diddy's spokesbitch claims they are just friends.

Hey, at least they can share each other's Proactiv. That face acid is expensive!

Sean Combs aka Diddy aka Puff Daddy aka Whateverthefuckhisnameis received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today for his achievements in maintaining the sexy and white suit-wearing. The dude does know how to wear a white suit. I'm disappointed that Diddy didn't have the streets shut down. Shit, the city shut down. Hell, the whole state of California shut down.

Diddy was joined by Kim Porter, his mama, her sad wig, Jamie Foxx and his twinsies. After the ceremony, I hope Kim took Mama Combs wig shopping down Hollywood Blvd. That thing looks like it was soaked in lard water and then left to dry on the pavement.

Diddy's twins, D'Lila Star and Jessie James (yes, Jessie James), made an appearance at the finale of "Making the Band 4" in NYC last night. Diddy should've put the twins to work, because I'm sure they can sing better than those Danity Kane chicks.

I do love Aubrey O'Day though. Just when I thought she couldn't look even more like a tranny mess, she shows up in crap like this. What the fuck is she wearing in the third thumbnail below? Somewhere in the world, a tranny dominatrix is missing her uniform. It's Easter and I'm hungover as hell. I really don't need to be looking at this shit.