Jessica Alba

Tony Romo, Dane Cook and John Mayer were awarded with Cosmo's Fun Fearless Male Award today in NYC. All three of them have also been with Jessica Simpson at one time or another. I'm sure they stood around the bar trading sex stories. Actually, they probably asked each other, "Did Papa Joe insist on watching you with Jessica too?"

Dave Salmoni, Peter Krause, Dave Annable, Tom from MySpace, John Krasinki and Common were also honored. I'm sure one of them will be one of Jessica's future exes too.

Here's Jessica Alba and Princess RiRi at the Fendi store opening in Paris a few nights ago. Jessica is knocked up with her "brown baby", but that's not stopping her from enjoying the shows in Paris. Selfish bitch! I hope she gets mega fat, but only in her face. That way all the fat will stay in her head and hopefully her mouth will become too heavy to open.

Princess RiRi looks like she had her make-up done by a doll maker. Put an alien curse on your make-up artist, RiRi! He fucked you up.

Also, here's Jessica at the Lanvin show in Paris today. It doesn't look like Cash came with her to Paris. I hope she put a bike lock on his dick, because you know how that bitch is.

Jessica Alba wrote an essay for Ellyn Spragins' upcoming book of essays from female celebrities. Oh and by"wrote" I mean she probably had someone else do it while she shouting obscenities at them and talking about her brown baby.

Jessica said that in the sixth-grade she had big boobs and because of that the principal and some PTA moms deemed her a "slut." I don't see a problem? Where I come from that's a compliment. It's better than being called "caca pants" by your classmates. I'll tell you the story sometime over canapes and Hennessey.

She went on to say, "Boys are awful. They are made of nothing but hormones until they're about 20 or 21 . . . It's fun to have a crush, but don't think it's forever . . . And use birth control and condoms, please."

Now...I'm not one to judge (you can wipe the coffee off your computer screen, I really did say that, but I didn't mean it), but Jessica Alba is telling people to use birth control and condoms? This coming from a woman who is knocked up by a man that has allegedly cheated on her ass several times? That's rich! Oh and Jessica, boys are also made of snips, snails and puppy dog tails! Didn't you learn anything in school? Obviously not, because you were too busy being a sixth-grade slut!

Source: Page Six

Having just one baby is obviously not good enough for celebsluts, so they now they are having two! The National Enquirer is reporting that Alba is definitely having twins. She has been telling all her friends and giving June 8th as her due date.

A source said, "Knowing that she's going to have twins has turned Jessica's life upside down. She and (fiance) Cash have had to scrap plans for a one-baby nursery and start all over again." What's to fucking change? Just throw in another crib and call it a day. These people are so high-maintenance!

I just hope that two brown babies pop out of her. She did say she's "dreaming of a brown baby" and if she's got one white and one brown, the white one is assed out. It's going to grow up trying to put bronzer all over his body to make Alba happy. Poor things. Now two babies have to deal with that woman instead of just one.

Source

Thanks m.e.

Oh, Yessica! I want to call her Yessica, because she probably fucking hates it. Yessica MiserAlba! Yes, homey is at it again. This comes from Latina Magazine again and this time she said she's hoping for a brown baby.

"I'm excited for my baby to be brown. I just have to believe the dark gene is going to survive. Cash and I are like, please."

She already said she doesn't want a cool baby and wants her child to only speak Spanish at first. This poor fetus already has so much pressure. It's sitting in her womb, freaking out, writing down, "must be brown, must be nerdy, must speak Spanish or Alba will not loves me."

She also talked about being accepted in Hollywood, because she's so different. Yeah, she sticks out like a sore thumb. NOT. "I was always trying to figure out 'How the hell am I going to be mainstream? How are people going to accept me? When are they going to get a clue that I am American, that this is what America looks like – people like me who are mixed, have different blood, mixed with different ethnicities? When are the people who are hiring for these jobs and writing these screenplays going to realize that?'" Bitch, you are mainstream. She's fucking working constantly. Ugh!!! I want to shake this girl until her brain snaps back into the correct position.

Someone close to her really needs to super glue her mouth shut already. I want to love her so bad, but she's making it hard. Let me love you Alba. Make it happen.

Source: People

Jessica Alba told Latina Magazine that she plans to only speak Spanish to her baby, but the problem is....she doesn't speak Spanish herself. Can someone check this ho's birth certificate, because I really think she was born yesterday.

Jessica said, "I wish to God that my dad spoke Spanish to my brother and me, but he didn't grow up with it. Hopefully I can pick it up because I want my kids to speak Spanish. I don't even want them to speak English for maybe the first two to three years, until pre-school. We're in the United States so they're going to learn it anyway."

She said she regretted not learning Spanish when she was a kid, because it made her feel less Latin. "I got shunned (and) it made me feel really bad, like maybe I'm not (a Latina)."

This dumb ass ho. She doesn't speak Spanish, but she wants her baby to only speak it? I hope she doesn't speak at all around this poor baby. It doesn't need to learn the language known as MORON.

She should consider stuffing that bag of green M&Ms down her throat. It would keep her from saying even more dumb things. I will say that Jessica Alba is making a lovely pregnant lady. I hate the bitch, but I love that her chi-chis are growing. Pregnant chi-chis are a beautiful thing. It seems that while Alba is getting hotter, her man is gutting fugger. The guilt is sure wrinkling his face.

Here's Jessica showing off her engagement ring at the premiere of "The Eye" last night. That movie looks like a contender for the worst movie ever award.

Wenn

Jessica Alba told Extra that she's been having dreams about her new baby and one of the things she's really paranoid about is breastfeeding. She said, "It had to do with breastfeeding, which is the only thing I'm paranoid about, more than giving birth." She's actually considering breastfeeding? I would think she would go straight to the bottle. She's way too grouchy to be breastfeeding. I can see her cursing at the baby, telling him to hurry the help up.

Doesn't breastfeeding help you drop baby weight? Someone should tell her that and she would probably breastfeed until her baby is 18.

It's nice to see Jessica Alba back to being a miserable bitch. Her smiling at the paps the other day really worried me. I like when she's miserable. Les MiserAlba!

Here's Alba with (only in it for the) Cash Warren at LAX yesterday.

Splash

Jessica Alba went furniture shopping last night and two shocking things happened. First, she didn't cover up her miserable face the way she usually does. Second, she actually cracked a smile! Alba smiles! It was probably just gas which makes sense since she looks like a hard, cold turd in that outfit.

Wenn