Keith Urban

Here's Nicole Kidman with her frosty locked husband at the CMT Awards last night just minutes after a striped velour couch barfed all over her sheer black slip while one of the My Little Ponies lived out its rope bondage fetish fantasy by tying up her feet. It's as if someone was making a Charlie Brown-inspired dress using old velour tracksuits when the power in the sweat shop factory got turned off and they had to stop halfway through.

But if we're going to play the Say Something Nice game, then I will say that I like the way her Sally's Beauty Supply clip-on bangs act like a safety curtain to protect us from the wall of Botox above her eyebrows. Her gelatin slug lips however....

Natalie Portman's baby brewing area is going to grow into thousands of pixels before our very eyes in the next few weeks as she accepts Best ActressWhatever at every awards show for her performance in Mother May I Sleep With Mila Kunis? and last night she collected one of her first at the Critics' Choice Movie Awards. (Click here for all the winners)

Actually, let me snatch that back. Natalie is probably not going to win at The Christina Hendricks Awards tomorrow since they will find some way to sneak St. Angie into the Best Actress - Drama category at the last second. They will say that St. Angie's performance in The Tourist is covered with so many layers that she's worthy of comedy, drama and animation awards. They are up on her halo like that. So, Natalie, stay home in your Zac Posen pajama jeans tomorrow, because that shit is not yours to take.

But last night, Natalie wore that shit to accept her trophy. It sorts of looks like a motel bed sheet held up with electrical tape and that sounds like a hot look on paper, but I'm not sure. Maybe I'm too busy slobbering over that trophy to make a concrete decision. Every single trophy resembles a dildo to me and that one looks like it was manufactured by Krypton's most well-respected dick toy makers. Get me one!

Here's a few more pictures from last night's show. In oooorder: Natalie Hershlag, Yanni Christian Bale, Emma Stone, Jon Hamm, Dr. Kevorkian (????), Julianne Moore, Tilda Swinton, Melissa Leo, Michelle Williams, Ryan Gosling, Senorita Jokerface, Nicole Kidman with Keith Urban, Jeremy Renner, Lisa Rinna Helena Bonham Carter and Annette Bening with Warren Beatty.

Keith Urban has been released from a rehab facility after completing treatment for being a drunk. Keith and his wife, Nicole Kidman, hit the CAA Golden Globes after-party last night in Los Angeles. Hey, that's a good place to get your sober life started!

Keith started rehab on October 19th and had a brief vacay over the holidays with Nicole. Keith will fly to German on Thursday to promote his album. He's also expected to start touring this April in Europe.

Let the games begin! Cheap booze and hookers for everyone! Nicole probably liked him so much more when he was locked up!

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Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman spent Christmas together in their native Australia. The two were seen leaving the United International Pictures offices today. They seem pretty happy despite the rumors that Keith had an affair with some white piece of trash while he and Nicole were still together. I'm going to chuck that up as rumor unless that ho has some videotaped proof. Nicole looks happy, but should rethink that fake carnation thing on her head. It's not rose parade time, yet.

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