Kim Kardashian

Erica Kane has been announced as just one of the bitches who will dance for some broke ass trophy in "Dancing with the Has Beens" this season. Although, they will have to change the name to "Dancing with the Has Beens and La Lucci...and Cloris Leachman." Yes, 82-year-old Cloris will also shake her grand memaw crotch on the dance floor. Methinks Erica Kane and Frau Blücher will battle it out in the end! It's the year of the memaw. I can feel it.

Even though Kim KardASSIAN effed up her foot last night, she will still dance! Does she realize that the dance floor doesn't have a strip pole? Kim said she didn't cut her foot on a glass coffee table. She cut it on a broken mirror underneath a desk. She said she tried to push away with her foot and got cut up. So I guess it is true. Her fat ass got all the brains.

Here's the rest of the cast with who they are partnered with:

Toni Braxton (with Alec Mazo), singer, 40 - Expect a lot of super slutty costumes.
Lance Bass (with Lacey Schwimmer) ultra gay singer, 29 - Lacey and Lance?! I'm already annoyed.
Ted McGinley (with Inna Brayer) Jefferson D'Arcy, 50 - But can he do the Bundy Bounce?
Cloris Leachman (with Corky Ballas) Frau Blücher, 82 - YES!!
Warren Sapp (with Kym Johnson) NFL sports person, 35 - NEXT!!!
Rocco DiSpirito (with Karina Smirnoff) flaming chef, 31 - So there's TWO gays this season!
Kim Kardashian (with Mark Ballas) amateur porn star with a fat ass, 27 - SKANK!
Maurice Green ( with CHERYL BURKE!!!) Olympic sports person, 34 - Eh!
Misty May-Treanor (with Maksim Chmerkovskiy) Olympic sports person, 31 - Maksim is finally back!
Susan Lucci (with Tony Dovolani) LEGEND!, 61 - THE WINNER!
Jeffrey Ross (with Edyta Sliwinska) comedian, 42 - Heh?
Cody Linley (with Julianne Hough) Disney whore, 18 - No.
Brooke Burke (with Derek Hough) big tittied robot, 36 - First bitch to go!

Fuckity fuck fuck! Just when my brains were starting to forget about that annoying mop head Cheryl Burke, she returns! La Lucci better sweep with the dance floor with Mop Head! And Rocco and Lance are totally going to do the horizontal mambo off the dance floor.

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Kim KardASSIAN was rushed to the hospital last night after she sliced her foot open on a glass coffee table in her NYC hotel room. You know she got on top of the coffee table to shake her fat ass for a bunch of dudes. She can't help it. She's a hoochie. She sees a table and she automatically gets on top of it to drop her booty. A source told TMZ that there was "so much blood, it looked like a murder scene."

And when she cut her foot, Kim probably shouted, "Quick! Somebody piss on it!" I kid. I'm sure Kim will live to see today. This world needs her! Who else is going to stick their fat ass out on the red carpet? Well, there's JLo....and Delishis....and Beyonce....but that's not the point! They don't do it as shamelessly as Kim.

Kim is also expected to be one of the dumb sluts on "Dancing with the Has-Beens." The full cast will be announced this morning, but it's not known whether or not she'll be able to participate now that her foot is fucked up.

Don't worry. I'm sure we'll still see Kim's shelf ass do the tango. It's going to look like a dozen alley cats fighting under a deflated hot air balloon. Kim will find a way to go on! Where there's a fame whore, there's a way.

After this picture was taken, Khloe Kardashian devoured that giant Big Mac cake along with everything in its path. Luckily, she spit out Kim Kardashian because she really doesn't like the taste of sour baby batter and sausage grease.

The Big Mac turned 40 this weekend and McDonald's held a birthday party for it in Malibu. Only a bunch of busted chicken nuggets showed up for this shit including the Kardashian skanks, Serena Williams and Ian Ziering. I shouldn't say that about Ian. He's more like a piping hot McRib with an extra fake bone in the middle.

I'm also pretty disgusted with myself for wanting to eat that delicious looking cheeseburger cake.

Skank fight alert! Shanna Moakler and Kim Kardashian are in some kind of dumb feud and it all came to a "head" at a bbq in Malibu this weekend. Pieces of trash!

Shanna told The Dirty that it went down as soon as Kim's fat ass showed up, "I was at this bbq and I saw what I thought was a donkey posing on the stairs but much to my surprise, it was Kim Kardashian. No, wait, it was a donkey! She’s soooo fucking fat! She’s 5′2″ and she’s like 140. She was wearing a sarong to cover her huge big ass! I like a nice ass but hers is not a nice ass!" Okay, score 1 for Shauna.

Shanna said she tried to keep it classy, but she couldn't so she threw her drink on Kim. She went on to say, "Then, Reggie comes up and says 'YO! Be careful what you say!' And I was like 'Your girls a whore!' and he said it again - 'Be careful what you say.' and I just told him again - “Your girl’s a whore!'" Okay, score 2 for Shauna.

Shanna is apparently mad at Kim over some e-mails sent to Travis Barker. Shanna issued a "statement" to TMZ:

"Quite some time ago I received emails from her mobile device of VERY inappropriate conduct between herself and my husband at the time, that were NOT at all 'friendly' and very much 'romantically' inclined. I spoke to Kim Kardashian, asking her to please stay away from my family as we are trying to heal after a very trying time, she agreed and but failed to do so.

If I had known Ms. Kardashian was going to be at the BBQ in Malibu I wouldn't have gone. One day women will realize when you destroy families there will be angry and hurt ex-wives to deal with. I still have these emails and I won't release them as not to embarrass my ex and my family any further."

Kim also issued her own statement saying that she modeled for Travis Barker's clothing over a year ago, but has never had a romantic relationship with him. Blah...blah...blah..

For real, are we back in junior high school again? A really skanky junior high school for hookers, strippers and porn stars? I mean, these are grown ass women. Although, Shanna is kind of hot for throwing her drink on Kim.

There's only one way for these two useless skeezers to settle this: ORAL SEX CONTEST IN GREECE!

Unfortunately, it's not that slut Kim Kardashian, it's her younger sister Khloe. Although, they really should do a DNA test on Khloe, because methinks she's Chyna's long-lost secret daughter. Look at that hunk! She could bench press a single family home.

TMZ reports that Khloe Kardashian will report to jail this Friday for violating her probation. Last March, Khloe got a DUI and was put on probation. She was also sentenced to community service and a booze education program. Khloe didn't complete either of those things, so the judge sentenced her to 30 days in the clink.

Kim Kardashian has already taken to her blog and wrote, "Khloe is ready and willing to serve out her sentence, no matter how long and where, and have this resolved. I urge people to learn from the mistakes of others. Please drink responsibly and it's never acceptable to drink and drive!"

First of all, Khloe will probably serve a quick minute. Second of all, if she has to serve more than a quick minute, she'll still do fine in jail. Bitch was built for prison! Some of us are too fragile, dainty and innocent for that shit, but Khloe looks like she could knock a bitch out with just a flick from one finger.

And if she really wanted to, she could probably bend the jail cell bars and walk the hell out of there!

The sad whore above is going around to clubs pretending to be Kim Kardashian. Wait, that might be me in my Halloween costume from a couple of years ago. I dressed as a tranny hooker Princess Jasmine.

Anyway, Kim blogged on her site about some dude in Houston who is selling tickets to events supposedly hosted by her. The dude takes fake Kim to the club and is trying to pass her off as the real deal. Low-rent Kim just sits in the corner and doesn't talk to anyone.

Beware of low-rent Kim! Wait, both of them are pretty low-rent. I mean, beware of fake Kim! The only way to tell if it's the real Kim is to piss on her. If she runs away, you know she's not the real thing!

Last night on "Keeping Up with the Biggest Skanks in America," we saw a different side of Kim Kardashian. I'm so used to seeing her trying to be the sex kitten and sticking her ass out. There's other sides to her! I know, weird. It was a KKK fight last night over a stupid ass Bentley. You see, Kim has worked really hard to get a Bentley, something she's wanted since she was 12. Oh and by "worked really hard" I mean she sucked dick on camera.

Anyway, Kim's sisters accompanied her to pick up the new car at some car joint. It was taking forever for it to be ready, so Khloe (the scary man one) started bitching out the car dude which embarrassed Kim. This led to Kim telling Khloe that she was trying to her ruin her moment and then she called her a "jealous psycho bitch." I would've called her a "scary man dude," but whatever works.

Khloe and Kourtney take off leaving Kim to wait for her beloved Bentley. Kim meets up with them later, but all is not forgotten. Khloe slammed the door on big ass Kim. Kim retaliated by beating Khloe with her purse and socking her.

Seriously! These dumb sluts don't know how to fight! My sister and I used to leave blood. If you don't leave blood, it's not a good fight. And why the hell didn't Khloe just blow on Kim? Khloe is built like the fucking Incredible Hulk. She could easily just flick Kim and her big ass would go flying through the night.

I shouldn't say that. I don't think it's possible for Kim Kardashian to wipe the skank off completely. She would have to remove her skin and that's probably pretty painful. She looks alright without make-up, but I sort of love it when she looks like a tranny call girl. She's suffering from "period face" here. And I bet that bitch's flow is heaaaaaaavy.

Here's Kim K working the streets (and parking garage) of Los Angeles yesterday.

Wonky McValtrex had an interview with a Las Vegas radio station yesterday and they asked her, "Would you rather have Kim Kardashian's ass or Jessica Simpson's rack?"

Wonky answered, "Gross. I would not want that." She went on to describe Kim's ass, "It's disgusting. It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag."

Paris is fucking gross and disgusting. The inside of Paris' stomach probably looks like a trash bag filled with cottage cheese due to all the chunky jizz she's eaten. Stupid skank!

Wonky quickly took it back and told InTouch, “I was just joking around and I made a stupid joke. I felt really bad afterward, so I contacted Kim and apologized. It was a silly thing to say. Kim’s hot!” Kim apparently accepted the apology.

They hate each other. Now is our chance to finally rid the world of the two biggest whores. We should have a "whore off." We'll stick a hard 12-inch dick in front of them and watch as they suck to the death.

Click here to hear Wonky calling Kim's ass "gross."

Only Barbie is allowed to have monogrammed seats! Wouldn't you feel like such a tool driving around with your initials on your car seat? Yeah, look who I'm talking about.

She probably has her initials on her tampons. I want to jump into that car and add an extra K with a red marker. The dumb tramp wouldn't even notice, because she's too busy practicing her "o" face in the mirror. She totally gets off just by looking at herself. It makes her butt queef in excitement.

TMZ also has video of Kim acting like a bitch, because the valet accidentally brought a Mercedes instead of her car, a Bentley. How could that valet do that to her?! Doesn't he know how many dicks she sucked to buy that Bentley?