Shannen Doherty

The CW released this extremely short promo featuring the queen bitch of all bitches, Brenda Walsh! The video currently has around 1,500 views and 1,499 probably came from me. I've been skipping to the 4-second mark over and over again to watch her say "Miss me?!" I scream "YES!!! YES!!" each time. I think it's making my dog barf.

In other Brenda Walsh news, this is a spoiler, so close your eyes and dream of fat dick if you don't want know. Back in the day, Brenda left Beverly Hills to pursue her dream of being an actress in London. Well, apparently Brenda has become a famous theater actress and director who lives in London and New York. HA! Um...we all saw her "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" audition. She's no Tallulah Bankhead.

Kelly Taylor, who is a counselor at West Bev, convinces Brenda to return to Beverly Hills to direct the high school musical. Brenda takes her offer and directs the kids in a high school version of the Broadway musical "Spring Awakening." You have got to be fucking kidding me. Whatever. I don't care as long as there's at least 3 scenes featuring Brenda beating the shit out of Kelly. I want to see blonde hair flying. Brenda better punch Kelly right in her chipmunk teeth!

Run from that mess known as "90210" before it's too fucking late! Just make sure not to spill a drop of your delicious cocktail. You don't want to waste any of life's precious nectar.

So....Lucille Bluth aka Jessica Walter is just one of the stars of The CW's "90210," which premieres September 2nd. The network has decided not to send out screeners for the show to reporters and critics. I guess it's highly unusual not to send out copies before a show's premiere. This basically means it sucks harder than that slut Kelly Taylor at a frat party.

The network said it's a "strategic marketing decision." They went on to say, "We're not hiding anything . We're simply keeping a lid on 90210 until 9.02, riding the curiosity and anticipation into premiere night, and letting all our constituents see it at the same time."

I haven't seen this fuckery and I already know what my review is going to be: "MORE BRENDA! MORE LUCILLE BLUTH!"

I mean, the poster for the show is a bunch of kids in a pool. Kids in a pool = floating shit. That says it all.

Source

If you blink, you might miss her! The legendary duchess of prime time television, Brenda Walsh, has finally made an appearance in the promos for "90210." She's in it for like two seconds. That disgusts me. She should be in every second of this promo.

Shit, they should just change the series name to "Brenda Walsh: Don't Get It Twisted" and get it over with. I don't care if the show is 60-minutes of Brenda eating an apple, it would be a hell of a lot more interesting than watching any of these skanks. The lead ho reminds me of Ali Lohan and that is a bad, bad thing. I keep waiting for White Oprah to pounce in and scream, "Aliiiiiiii."

So, note to the producers. The only way you can dress up this oatmeal-looking mess is by adding a lot more cinnamon sugar aka Brenda Walsh.

Cops should not tell jokes. They just shouldn't. They should just spend their time eating Krispy Kremes and hawking loogies. Seriously, why is that every time I talk to a copper (and I do that a lot), he clears his throat at least a dozen times. Is that police code for hot gay sex or something? Shit! I've been missing out.

TMZ reports that TV legend Shannen Doherty waltzed into a Malibu police station to bitch about the paps following her. The cops apparently had no idea who she was. They were obviously trying to be funny. Shannen told them she was on TV, but they still had no clue. Shannen should have looked one of them in the eye and said, "Veronica, why are you pulling my dick? " That would have set them straight.

The dude at the front desk had to ask around if anybody knew who she was, but nobody did. Those cops should all be locked up for life. Everybody knows who Shannen Doherty is. We learned about her in elementary school!

The only joke here is the fact that the paps are still following her.

Brenda Walsh will officially return to Beverly Hills to seek vengeance on those who have wronged her! Kelly Taylor better take refuge in the Peach Pit basement. The producers of the "90210" spin-off have announced that Brenda will be back. They can fire those other hos now, because the only bitch that belongs on that show has returned.

Shannen's spokeswhore also confirmed it, “Shannen is looking forward to returning to 90210." She's also looking forward to giving Kelly Taylor a concrete smile.

You know this crazy bitch is going to freak out and get fired AGAIN! Even a Valium overdose couldn't control Shannen's insanity. I just hope she goes out with a bang this time.

The producers said that Brenda will be a visiting drama teacher who comes to West Beverly High to direct a musical. Kelly is one of the counselors at West Bev.

A drama teacher?! This makes sense. Brenda proved she was a true thespian when she auditioned for "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." Remember how that dumb slut Laura tried to kill herself in the theater after Brenda got the role? I hated Laura! Clip below:

VIVA BRENDA!

Brenda Walsh has claimed her first victim and she hasn't even begun shooting her scenes yet. Kristin at E! is hearing that Shannen Doherty is in and Tori Spelling is out of the "90210" spin-off. I'm so happy that I could shit and sing at the same time.

A source said that Tori the Hutt will not be doing the show due to "personal reasons." The personal reason being she's too fugly for network TV and knows it! No, Tori the Hutt just had a baby or something like that.

The source went on to say, “It is happening with Shannen. It's just a question of how long she'll shoot, whether it will be one day or ten and what the storyline will be, but we are working on it, and it is a very real thing."

The producers are hoping to reunite Brenda and Kelly Taylor onscreen which means that Shannen and Jennie Garth have to speak to each other. The source thinks the two will be fine, "They were 19 and 20 when all of that happened and a lot has changed. And, you know, they’re not moving in together, just shooting together for an hour and a half.” There's going to be shooting going on alright. Brenda shooting Kelly in the pussy bone for stealing her man!

It's funny that I don't even remember the other skanks in this show. All that matters is the showdown between Brenda and Kelly. The writers shouldn't bother coming up with new shit. They should just have them recreate the scene below instead. "You guys are so gossipy! Thanks for the memories."

Lori Loughlin recently said that she doesn't think Brenda Walsh is coming back to the "90210" spin-off, because "nobody wants to touch that." Well, Lori better get her razors ready, because Brenda is coming back and the bitch is ready to beat some "15-year-old Full House ass" and I'm talking about Lori.

Michael Ausiello reports that producers have talked to Shannen Doherty about coming back to the show as the Queen of Everything Brenda Walsh. DUH! They know that shit show ain't nothing without its true star!

Sources tell Michael that "she wants to know what the story is going to be first." Shannen also wants more cash. Bitch knows her worth! And the storyline better be Brenda coming back with a flamethrower to kick some ass and take names. Brenda will smoke all those tween hos and show them how it's really done. Then producers can change the name from "90210" to "BRENDA 4 EVA!"

Jennie Garth, who has a guest-starring role on the show, is reportedly okay with Shannen coming back. She said, "A lot of time has passed, and I'm a big girl. I'd have no problem with her coming on the show." You know after hearing the news, Jennie immediately hired the A-Team to protect her ass on the set.

This shit better come true and they better not waste Brenda's precious talents. If there's not at least three scenes featuring Brenda calling Kelly "a dumb fuck bitch," followed by a shank to the face, then I'm going to be disappointed.

It wouldn't be a 90210 post without a classic Brenda scene. Here's Brenda showing everyone that she really should have won a Grammy for the performance below. And as it should be, those two hags are standing BEHIND her.

Thanks Mari

Shia LaBeouf was trying to get a little nanni at the Beatrice Inn in NYC the other night, but there weren't any takers. Page Six reports that Shia was "desperately seeking a lady . . . but none of the hipster hotties were standing for it." Those dumb skanks! The dude has been arrested at a Walgreens! That's reason enough to fuck him.

Shia was apparently so hard up for coochie that he turned to one chick and said, "How do I get a girl to go home with me?" That line would work on me, but I'm a sure thing. Even the line, "How are you?" immediately makes me take off my clothes.

Shia should have tried a different bar and by "different bar" I mean my apartment.

Gobble Gobble! Turkey neck alert! Shannon Doherty showed her age on the Carson Daly show last week. She's 35, but her neck is 75. Actually, who cares? At least she's not all stretched apart, looking like a botox monster. I'd still hit it, but only from the back.

Source: Teddy & Moo