Kanye West

HAPPY CAPS LOCK DAY! HAPPY CAPS LOCK DAY! HAPPY CAPS LOCK DAY! HUG YOUR CAPS LOCK KEY, KISS YOUR KANYE WEST, AND ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS BY ONLY USING CAPS IN ALL YOUR IMS, TWEETS AND EMAILS!!! IT'S CAPS LOCK DAY! FUCK A CAPS LOCK KEY!

Okay, you get the point. I will stop abusing my caps lock key now, because I really don't want to get a bill from your optometrist. happy caps lock day. Awwww, doesn't that seem so sad without caps? HAPPY CAPS LOCK/KANYE DAY! Okay, that's better.

(Thanks Angie)

Lady CaCa and Gay Fish's "Fame Kills" tour has officially been be-headed and now it's running around the backyard looking for a mic to snatch. Live Nation announced that the show will not go on and they will refund all tickets.

They didn't give a reason, but I'm guessing that there weren't enough dressing rooms in any of the venues to house both of their egos. Shit, this planet is barely big enough to hold both of their egos. They will both have to start renting storage space on other planets soon.

But seriously, this is probably the result of yet another Kanye West hissy fit. He probably walked in on Lady CaCa in the middle of a tuck and took a good look at her erect hermie peen. This set him off, because we all know her dick is bigger than his. Kanye immediately starving waving his fins and shouting shit like, "WHY DOES SHE HAVE A BIG DICK AND I DON'T?! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE OFFER ME A BIG DICK?! I QUIT THIS BITCH!" That's exactly what happened.

Source: Associated Press

Grass is green, today is Wednesday, Lady CaCa's hermie peen gets hard in the morning and Kanye West had himself another hissy fit tantrum. But this wasn't about Taylor Swift or Beyonce, this was about CHICKEN! Finally, Kanye's b-hole pops over something worthwhile.

According to Vibe (via C+D), Kanye was backstage at Common's benefit show in Hollywood over the weekend when he noticed that everyone was nibbling on chicken but him! Even Sylvia Browne could have predicted what was going to happen next. Kanye, who is a 6-year-old cunty girl in the body of a gay fish, immediately squeezed his internal CAPS-LOCK key (aka his prostate) and shouted at the server, "Why wasn't I offered chicken? You want me to perform for free, and everyone is eating... why am I not eating?" The server then took Kanye by the hand, stood him up, gave him a "pow pow" on the nalgas and told him to count to 10 in the corner.

After that, the waitress told him that he didn't ask for any chicken, in which Kanye responded with, "Well, I'm asking now!" When the queen diva cunt finally got his chicken, he took one bite out of it and threw it in the trash.

I was right on Kanye's side until I read that he threw the chicken in the trash. You do not waste chicken. The saying is "keep fucking that chicken" not "keep trashing that chicken." I really mean it this time when I say that Kanye needs an army of abuelitas to set his bitch ass straight. It's going to take more than one. This boy needs a thorough switch whoopin' by a group of highly-trained abuelitas. BITCH BOGUS!

And no, not CAPS-LOCK rehab. The internet couldn't take it if Kanye West stopped dry humping on his CAPS-LOCK key. Nope. But some sources are telling Star Magazine that there's a chance Kanye could have a problem with the sweet nectar. Before Kanye ripped Taylor Swift's heart out of her chester at the VMAs, he had been getting intimate with a bottle of Henny all night. So of course, Henny took the fall for his verbal barf fest, and now Kanye might go off to rehab to try to erase his wrong.

MSNBC's The Scoop says that sources close to Kanye haven't heard about him checking into the tank right after he finishes his Fame Kills tour with Lady CaCa in a few months. Kanye's spokeswhore also wouldn't comment on this.

This is my question, is there such thing as solo rehab? Because the quickest way to get a drunk reaching for their poison is to put Kanye West in the same room as them. That will make you fuck your sobriety directly in the asshole. Seriously, they should add a 13th step: Keep away from all things Kanye-related!

There were rumors that President Obama declared that Kanye West is a jackass after hearing about "the mic snatchin'." Well, Obama really did say that and TMZ got a hold of the audio, which was recorded right before he was about to do an interview with CNBC.

After the word "jackass" jumped out of his mouth, Obama quickly added, "Nooo. Nooo. I'm assuming all of this. Where's the pool? Cut the president some slack!" But it was too late! The word was already flying around the room. As TyTy would say, "You said it! I didn't say it! You said it!"

Maybe Obama, Kanye and Taylor can talk this out over a beer.

And I'm waiting for a white dove to fly down from heaven carrying a note in its beak that reads: "I co-sign Obama's statement. xoxoxoJC." I'm also waiting for Kanye West's ALL-CAPS "OBAMA HATES DOUCEHBAG PEOPLE" rant.

UPDATE: UsWeekly says Kanye West personally called Taylor Swift and said he was sorry. Taylor said his apology was sincere and she accepted it. So, that's that! I still think Taylor, Obama and Kanye should have a beer.

Kanye West was already scheduled to be on Jay Leno's first show last night, but because he shanked Taylor Swift with his words at the VMAs, the focus of his visit was on that. Kanye looked sadder than a fat kid with an empty box of Twinkies in his hands as he said he was sorry for the third time. Kanye said that he really didn't know he made a wrong until he saw Taylor standing there with her heart slowly dying on the floor.

Jay then went there by asking Kanye what his mother would have said about this if she was alive today. Kanye looked like he was about to burst into tears, but you can't wring water out of a dry tampon, so he kept his composure and simply said he was ashamed. Kanye also said he needs to take some time off like other celebrities.

Okay, I know that Kanye pulled a major dick move, but it's not like he snatched someone's beloved dog! Wait, does he an alibi for yesterday afternoon? I mean, Taylor Swift still has an amazing career and will probably continue to. Besides, it was a VMA, not a fucking Oscar or Grammy. Let's just put Kanye in the corner, pull a President Obama by calling him a "jackass," and then move on.

Henny-chugger and mic snatcher Kanye West posted a farty CAPS-FILLED non-apology to Taylor Swift last night, but quickly took that shit down. You can read it here if your eyes need a work-out.

This afternoon, Kanye gave his CAPS-LOCK key the day off (or maybe it quit ass) and posted this second "I iz sowwy" to Taylor. This time he brought Ben Stiller and Robert DeNiro into it (???????). Since Kanye is such a fan of Meet the Fockers, how he about he recreate a pivotal scene with Taylor? He can be the Fockers' dog and she can be the evil pussy. FLUSH!

And seriously, we get it already, Kanye. YOU ARE TRULY SORRIES. From now on, just raise your hand whenever you want to speak. Yeah, we gotta go back to kindergarten. It's like that.

Right before Gay Fish made the MTV VMAs all about him by breaking the heart of a toddler, he was strolling around the venue with a bottle of Henny in one hand and his leased snatch in the other. Speaking of, Amber Rose was slowly being eaten alive by a python, but Kanye West only has eyes for himself so he didn't notice.

Well, bitches were saying that Kanye was drunker than Wino's nipples before and during the awards show. Surprisingly, Kanye didn't throw all the blame on Henny when he farted out this half-assed yet entertaining non-apology on his blog last night. Sorry, Kanye, the magic of the CAPS LOCK KEY can't even save you now. Here's a little drunk blogging courtesy of Gay Fish:

“I’M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD’VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE’S IN THE BLEACHERS! …………………… I’M IN THE WRONG FOR GOING ON STAGE AND TAKING AWAY FROM HER MOMENT!…………….. BEYONCE’S VIDEO WAS THE BEST OF THIS DECADE!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MTV. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO TAYLOR 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I’M A FAN OF REAL POP CULTURE!!! NO DISRESPECT BUT WE WATCHIN’ THE SHOW AT THE CRIB RIGHT NOW CAUSE … WELL YOU KNOW!!!! I’M STILL HAPPY FOR TAYLOR!!!! BOOOYAAAWWWW!!!! YOU ARE VERY VERY TALENTED!!! I GAVE MY AWARDS TO OUTKAST WHEN THEY DESERVED IT OVER ME… THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!!!!!! I’M NOT CRAZY YALL, I’M JUST REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!! I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR TAYLOR AND I’M SINCERELY SORRY!!! MUCH RESPECT!!!!!”

Good lord, I want to Fabreze that entire statement, because it reeeeeeks of Henny barf, microwaved bull shit, and Taylor Swift's tears (aww). You can tell this is every shade of NOT SINCERE, because he only used ten zillion exclamation points instead of ten zillion and one.

In case you missed it, here's Kanye West proving that he hates Taylor Swift people. While the adorable little mouse known as Taylor Swift was trying to accept her award for Best Female Video, Gay Fish stomped on stage, snatched the mic out of her hand and declared that Beyonce should've won that shit! Just like that, millions of FUCK YOU KANYE groups were born on Facebook.

YES, Kanye West took a mic from a baby! Bitch is running himself right out of this town. Seriously, when Kanye gets back to his MacBook Air, his CAPS LOCK key will be long gone. Even that bitch won't be a part of his fuckery even more. And Jon Gosselin is standing by to gladly hand over his used tampon tiara (made by Ed Hardy, of course) to Kanye West and crown him the new Douchebag of the Millennium.

Beyonce had a look on her face like "I DON'T KNOW THAT BITCH." You know that look. It's the same look your mama gives you when you get drunk and act the fool at family reunions.

At the end of the show, Beyonce won Video of the Year and instead of giving a speech, she invited Taylor Swift out to "finish her moment." Daddy Knowles is good! Suddenly, Beyonce has gone from Sasha Fierce to Saint Fierce.

Sasha Fierce will be the recipient of a Nobel Peace Prize for this shit.

The self-proclaimed inventor of the CAPS-LOCK key (check your encyclopedia) Kanye West just wanted to be left alone while taking his android piece out for a shopping spree in Beverly Hills yesterday, but the paparazzi just wouldn't let him be great!

Kanye was forced to stomp over to one of the paps and drop a CAPS-LOCK key on his ass. Gay Fish was so angry that his nalgas started burning up and his b-hole starting percolating causing his pants to slowly move down out of harm's way. They wanted to be far far away when Kanye's ass exploded.