Naomi Campbell

Supermodel and superbitch Naomi Campbell said that she's ready to have a baby after having some sort of operation. Naomi wouldn't say what the operation was or what was it for. She recently had a cyst removed in Brazil, but I don't know if it has anything to do with that.

She probably had an ovary transplant. Her original ones jumped ship because they didn't want any part of that fuckery.

Naomi said, “Now I can have a child I would like one. I’m even willing to have one without a father. I know that I am ready. I know that with a baby I would change, I’d calm down. With a child you cannot accept compromises. You have to give your full self."

And you thought MiserAlba was a grouchy pregnant lady? Imagine Naomi Campbell! I pity the man that chooses to have a baby with her crazy ass! Any man that is willing to deal with a knocked up Naomi is an idiot with a death wish.

If she does have a kid, we'll have to put our pennies together and send baby a little bullet proof vest and a helmet as a "welcome to the world and good luck" gift!

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How many homo alligators had to die for this coat? This year's annual gay alligator white party is going to be a sad affair, because most of them were sacrificed for Andre Leon Talley's coat!

Andre looks like Jambi the Genie's gay and grouchy step-brother. I'm expecting him to shout, "Mekka-lekka hi mekka hiney ho! Mekka-lekka hi mekka chahney ho!"

Speaking of hiney hos, Andre escorted MC Naomi Campbell to last night's CFDA Awards. "U Can't Touch This," because she'll kill your ass if you try.

Supermodel and super ass kicker, Naomi Campbell, was officially charged for allegedly beating and spitting at cops during an incident at Heathrow in April. Naomi was thrown off of a flight, because....well...because she's a bitch. Cops were called and that's when shit went down.

Naomi was charged with five offenses - three counts of assaulting a constable, one of disorderly conduct likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress and one of using threatening or abusive words or behaviour to cabin crew. Basically, she was charged for being a crazy ass bitch.

Her lawyer told reporters outside the police station, "Miss Campbell is bitterly disappointed that the prosecutors have advised her she is to be prosecuted for various offences. She respects that decision and she hopes this matter is dealt with expeditiously." Translation: Naomi is going to kill prosecutors using her bare teeth only.

Naomi is due in court on June 20th.

Throw her in the chokey, but send a camera crew with her! Think of all the hot prison catfights starring Naomi. I'm sure at least one of those catfights will look something like this:

Source: AFP

Naomi Campbell celebrated her 38th Birfday in Cannes last night, but the night ended with Naomi in crocodile tears after Diddy threw her off his yacht! TMZ reports that Naomi showed up to Diddy's party and the two got into a major fight which led to Naomi being thrown off.

The Mirror claims the tears had nothing to do with Diddy. They were tears of joy! Naomi was so overcome with emotion from seeing her friends. False! Naomi does not cry and she certainly doesn't experience joy.

Naomi has also been getting shit for hanging around con man Christopher Rocancourt. She partied with him earlier last night and has been dragging him to other Cannes events.

And if all that isn't bad enough, Naomi will be charged for attacking a policeman at Heathrow last month. In case you forgot, Naomi was pulled off of a flight to Los Angeles after she threw a hissy fit over a lost bag. She allegedly shouted racial slurs, kicked, punched and spit at several cops. She is expected in court next week.

Poor Naomi. I feel for her. It must be hard being that bitchy. I pity her current assistant. You know she felt the wrath of Naomi last night. We should send her assistant a bullet-proof vest and armor suit for future use.

I'm sure there's a law somewhere stating that it's illegal for Naomi Campbell to hold a baseball bat in public. If there isn't a law, there should be. The dude in back of her is a brave soul. I would have to wear a hard hat and ski mask. Even the slightest dirty look towards Naomi could unleash her rage. She's just waiting for a reason to beat a bitch with that bat.

Here's Naomi shooting scenes for her guest appearance on "Ugly Betty" yesterday.

I'm talking about the lady cop and not Naomi Campbell. The lady cop seriously should have been gripping her taser gun and saying an inside prayer just in case. Who knows when Naomi is going to pounce!

Naomi returned to the scene of the crime, Heathrow Airport, yesterday and stopped to chat with some cops. She even smiled at them! She must be back on her meds. Seriously, she just wanted to show them that the bitch is back and not going away.

She wore those stilettos just in case some shady shit went down. Naomi is always ready.

British Airways reportedly banned Naomi Campbell from flying their airline, because of her crazy outburst that got her arrested. Naomi has fired back by saying she's banning them.

Naomi claims that the airline is begging her back, but the damage is already done and she wants nothing to do with them.

Naomi spoke from Brazil and said, “Someone from BA called me and asked that I return to fly with them but this will not occur so early. They didn’t find my bag – said it wasn’t in the system – and there was a complete disrespect for the passengers. You Brazilians went through the same problem last year." Homegirl was talking about some air traffic controllers strike.

She went on to add, "The case in Terminal 5 at Heathrow was the same thing and I am not speaking for myself. I am speaking for all those who have been disrespected.”

They can't break up with Naomi, because she's breaking up with them! And they shouldn't even try to get her back, because they have already hurt her in the heart. They can try and send flowers and chocolates, but it's not going to work! They can burn up her cell phone with "take me back" texts, but it will never be the same again.

This shit sounds like my last relationship.

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Naomi Campbell visited the HemoRio medical center in Brazil today to take part in a blood drive, but they turned her away. They told Naomi her bloody was too bitchy. No, they said she has to wait until she has surgery in February to remove a cyst. A bitchy cyst.

Naomi wanted to give up some of her blood to help fight a dengue fever epidemic.

I'm surprised she didn't start stabbing them all with needles after they turned her down. Nobody turns Naomi down! Her blood turned them down.

It's ok. Naomi's not alone. I so much as step foot into a blood drive and they all look at me like I'm stepping into church. The joint immediately shuts down and CLOSED signs go up everywhere.

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Thanks Pad

Naomi Campbell getting arrested at Heathrow airport is the bitch that keeps on giving. The Sun reports that Naomi shouted racial slurs at a woman cop during her arrest. She reportedly called the woman a "white slag" among other things. She also called the other cops "white honkeys." Naomi accused the cops of only arresting her, because she's black.

Naomi never ceases to amaze me with her talents. She was shouting, spitting and hurling racial slurs at them? I bet she did all of this while looking fabulous. Probably not. The bitch probably looked beat.

Naomi reportedly told a friend, “It just goes to show I have to fight for who I am. It’s because I’m black.” No honey, it's because you're a cunt. There's a big difference.

A police source said it was a "rich" coming from her, because Naomi was throwing the racial slurs left and right.

Naomi's spokeswhore denies she said any of that, “This doesn’t sound like anything she would say.” Naw, Naomi would be more creative. She is an artist you know. She would say, "You ugly old fat white whore skank cunts bitches!!"

British Airways has dumped Naomi Campbell for good. They have banned the bitch for that little disturbance she caused while flying on them. Naomi's spokeswhore said they hoped to resolve this issue, “Naomi has been flying with BA for nearly 30 years and has been a good customer. She hopes this can be resolved amicably."

"Amicable" in Naomi-talk means she's going to kill them with her bare hands. Since the bitch has been banned. Can I have her frequent flier miles? I'm not joking.

Virgin Airlines has decided to take care of the problem by offering Naomi rides on their planes. However, they added, “Any decision regarding her future travel with us would depend on the outcome of any court proceedings.”

Fuck BA and fuck Virgin! Naomi should start her own airline called "BeatABitch Air." I would work for them. Below is what their commercial might look like:

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