Rumorz

I'm talking about the purse! Jeeeeez!

This is not Pete Wentz in drag. It's Rumer Willis trying so hard to be a Hollywood "it" girl. More like shit girl. There I said it, because you were thinking it. The bag would look a lot better if it was over her head. Now I have to follow that up by saying something nice. I like her sunglasses! I like them, because they cover up her face. Whoops. I'll punish myself by only eating one box of Girl Scout Cookies today.

Rumer Willis and Demi Moore are actually related. I was sort of beginning to doubt it and thought Bruce Willis and Jay Leno got together to create Rumer. I finally see it! I also see their dead eyes void of any kind of personality. Like mother like daughter!

Rumer, Demi and Ashton Kutcher all dressed up to attend De Grisogono’s Hollywood Dominos Benefiting The Art Of Elysium in Beverly Hills last night. At first I thought this was a damn costume party, but the other people at the event aren't wearing costumes.

These three look like they are going to a 1920s themed murder mystery cocktail party. Ashton Kutcher cannot be serious. He must be punk'ing himself, because that ensemble is laughing at him.

Rumer Willis found her ass being kicked out of Villa nightclub last night, because her extreme beauty was too distracting. No, she was kicked out for being underage. In the video you can hear someone yelling about how she's only 18 (she's 19) and that they are photographing her going into their club.

The photographer in the video is my hero for telling her, "Is this the first time you've been kicked out of a club Rumer?"

Poor Rumer. She should try going in disguise next time with a fake ID. She can use Mrs. Potato's head drivers license! And did she always have blue eyes?

Image: Pacific Coast News

Amy Wino has her dirty ballet slippers, Lindsay Hohan has her black leggings and now Rumer Willis has that fugly hat. Only cartoon mice should be allowed to wear hats like that. I'm guessing she tried that shit on in a store and couldn't get it off her fat head. It's stuck forever.

Here's Rumer at the Blackberry Pearl launch party last night.

Wenn

Fashion Week in NYC starts on Friday and that means celebutards from the West invade by the dozens. That includes Rumer Willis! She should not be allowed to leave L.A. Shit, she should not be allowed to leave her house. Here's Rumer arriving at JFK last night. I love the dude behind her. He's totally accosting her ass. I'm guessing he's a gypsy cab drivers. Gypsy cabs are these dudes that hassle you while you leave the airport. They don't have cab licenses or something like that. You're told not to use them, because they have stolen luggage before and kidnapped people. Why didn't Rumer use the gypsy cab?!

Splash

Ashley Olsen looked like she didn't just crawl out from the gutter, Jared Leto didn't look like a douche member of an Emo tribute band, Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe didn't look like she was jonesing for virgin blood and even Rumer Willis didn't look completely unfortunate. Celebrities sure cleaned themselves up for the Art of Elysium party last night in Los Angeles.

Even Ryan Gaycrest didn't look like he just came back from a gay gang bang. They all cleaned up pretty well. Well, except for Calista Flockhart. She's starting to look like Harrison Ford's spinster older sister.

Just because the Golden Globes ceremony has been cancelled, doesn't mean the schwag has. All you have to do is pose with some lame shit and you get it for free. I mean Rumer Willis posed with fucking orange juice. She also posed with bras, vitamin water, Netflix stuffed animal things and whatever else you threw at her. It's free! If I was the vendor I wouldn't want her butterhead fugging up my shit. What she needed to do was take those free bras and put them on immediately. Them boobs will hit her knees in no time.

Katharine McPhee was also there posing with the hideous purse ever. That shit is tacky. I know some drag queens that wouldn't even carry that crap around.

Here's Rumie and Kat at the Access Hollywood "Stuff You Must..." lounge.

Now that the Golden Globe Awards Ceremony has been canned, Rumer Willis is out of a gig. This sucks. I was looking forward to chomping on popcorn, guzzling rumertinis and making fun of her butterhead on Sunday night. All to hell.

Rumer drowned her sorrows at the Think PR Pre-Sundance lounge yesterday. Nothing will mend a broken heart like free crap. Even if it's ugly.

I'm starting to think that all these fug hats she wears are supposed to trick our eyes in believing that her head isn't the size of the Superdome.