Mena Suvari

Forget the question. Jacko is a wax figure! Homegirl is at least 80% wax and 20% artificial materials.

Those lips! Wack-O-Wax lips should be renamed Jack-O-Wax lips in his honor. I need to stop hating. Jacko is still the sharpest dressed lady in the business. Liza ain't got nothing on this bitch.

Jacko made a surprise appearance at Christian Audigier's tacky Birthday extravaganza last night. They really should have turned off all the lights before Jacko's ass came onstage. He could have melted!

Other guests at this classy affair included Pamela Anderson, Fuggie Fug and Mena Suvari. What the hell is on Mena's head?! I think I liked her better when she looked like a younger Hillary Clinton. Now she looks like an Ellen Degeneres/Portia de Rossi morph. She needs to dump the weave.

Dear Mena Suvari,

It truly pains me to write this. Ever since we locked eyes during "The Rage: Carrie 2" I've known we were soulmates. We've been through good times ("American Beauty") and bad times ("Loser") together. Unfortunately, the time has come for me to let go. You went from being a beautiful angel to looking like a Garbage Pail Kid come to life. I know it's Mercedes-Benz fashion week and you wanted to look extra "fashioney" for the premiere party last night, but I'm afraid this is even too much for me to bare. I have defended you in the past, but now I will most likely agree with the GoFugYourself girls when they rip your hideous bangs to pieces.

We'll always have "The Rage."

xoxoxoMichael K

I still love Mena Suvari even though her bangs are just aching for a tango with a pair of scissors. She's hiding her fivehead, but she should be proud of it. It's the center of everything. Mena's fivehead can cure all. Here she is with that stupid ho, Rachael Ray.

Dear Mena, You ain't Lily Allen, so don't try it. Still love you and your fivehead. That's all.

xoxoxMichael K

P.S. - Here's fivehead and Sienna Miller at the Factory Girl premiere in NYC last night.

I have a spot for Mena Suvari. It must be the five-head. However, I really don't want her nipples all up in my face like that. I will say she has nice breastes though. Mena freed the sombreros on the beach with her FUG-ASS boyfriend and by FUG-ASS I mean he looks like a fat Sideshow Bob.

There's a slew of pics after the jump. NSFW!!!