The extremely accurate and beacon of one hundred percent potent truthiness Now Magazine says that Eva Mendes has temporarily put aside her evil plan to take down the Power Rangers and is instead pointing her Orb of Doom at that Gosling-stealing, two-bit hussy whore Rachel McAdams. A source (aka a drunk intern who also runs the We Hate Evil Menses Tumblr on the side) tells Now that ever since Rachel McAdams broke up with Michael Sheen, she's been wiping her heartbroken tears on the shoulder of her ex-piece Ryan Gosling. Eva, whose right eyebrow always looks like it's in the "bitch, step back" position, is really raising her eyebrow in the "bitch, step back" position, because she wants Rachel McAdams to step away from her man.
Apparently, Rachel and Ryan stayed friends and talked every now and again when she was with Michael Sheen, but now that she's single they've been talking on the phone even more. The source said, "Rachel's always kept in touch with Ryan, but now that she's split with Michael, she's been calling him and using him as a shoulder to cry on. It hasn't gone down very well with Eva, to say the least, but Ryan wants to be there as a friend for his ex."
Well, since the LeAnn Rimes/Eddie Cibrian/Brandi Glanville feud is the bottom shelf version of the Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston feud, we needed a middle shelf version too and here it is. This is something to keep hope alive for those McGosling fans who think The Notebook is real-life and Ryan and Rachel will be sucking rain water off of each other's faces in the end. Ain't no love like Canadian love.
This shit probably isn't true, but it still makes for the perfect triangle. Rachel McAdams is a wholesome-looking white angel with golden hair like a melted halo and Eva looks like an 80s soap opera villainess who can steal your man and half of your company in one day. I mean, she even dresses like Alexis Carrington (see: pictures of her outside of Letterman below). So that is why I will always wear a Team Eva t-shirt from Kitson (do they still sell that shit?).
I can't believe this is the first time I'm noticing this, but Michael Sheen's hair is so luxurious. The top of his head is full of luxurious waves of hair crashing into each other. It almost steals the picture from that woman in the back with the immaculate Moses-parted hairline. Almost. So, the American Carey Mulligan and her puppet humper broke up recently and I guess that put something in the air, because Rachel McAdams and Michael Sheen broke up too. My thoughts are with Rachel McAdams' fingers, because they will never run themselves through the sumptuous forest of locks on Michael Sheen's head again!
UsWeekly says that after 2 years together, Rachel and Michael broke up very recently. They met while doing that Woody Allen movie, they became friends, they humped on each other for a while and now they're over.
Eva Mendes will be walking around L.A. today with a stick of burning sage in her hand, because she knows the Notebook fangirls will be blowing break-up juju her way. They won't be able to unclench their b-holes until Ryan Gosling dumps Eva and reunites with Rachel McAdams, because that's the way it was meant to be.
Whatever, while they blow break-up juju toward Eva, I'll sit here and get lost in Michael Sheen's hair. I bet that when a lice lands on his cheek and makes the epic journey up his 500 mile-long desert of skin forehead and spots his gorgeous hair in the distance, it's like looking at Shangri-La. Perfection.
When Megan Fox crushed the vulnerable heart of a young boy by ignoring his "PLEASE LOVE ME" plea, he didn't crawl under his bottom bunk and permanently retire his dream of getting at least one celebrity to NOTICE HIM. Harvey Kindlon got back out there! The Daily Mail did a story on Harvey and he later got a picture with Lady CaCa.
But now that Harvey's a couple of years older, he's smoothed out his game. Harvey has cut his hair, bought a pair of pants, donated the peach shirt to a Camp Beverly Hills collector and is no longer looking like a Goonies extra. Harvey has even dropped the rose act. Harvey stalked Rachel McAdams the other night and he didn't even bring her a weed flower. Nothing. Rachel doesn't even know he's alive, but Harvey doesn't seem to mind. If he's about to shrivel into a dehydrated moth ball of lonely tears, he's doing a good job of masking that feeling with his facial expression. Just like an adult! Aw. Our little creeper is growing up!
Here's Rachel McAdams and Michael Sheen giving each a TSA screening at LAX yesterday while a security dude walked by and thought to himself, "I'd pat it, the both of 'em."
But seriously, when Rachel McAdams is in love, homegirl is in love. You can practically see the cartoon birds fluttering around her and whispering in her ear in a sing song-ey voice, "He's the one. He's the oooone." Right after this kiss, I bet Rachel skipped into a stall in the bathroom, fell against the door, clutched her heart and sighed one of those I'M IN LOOOOOVE kind of sighs. Just like she does in those stupid ass romantic comedies she's in. When Rachel was with Ryan Gosling, it was the same shit! Their pupils were always heart-shaped and shit. Girl goes in something serious.
Meanwhile, if a boyfriend tells me he loves me in public, I scream "EWWWW" and run away to exfoliate the cooties off in the sandbox.
During the Toronto Film Festival last month, Lainey at Lainey Gossip wrote about how she watched 31-year-old Rachel McAdams and 41-year-old Michael Sheen flirt with each other at a party before leaving together (see above). I figured that the two simply went back to his hotel room where they giggled in bed for a while (they are definitely sex gigglers).
Then the next morning, they shared more laughs over plates of hotel eggs when Rachel said that she could never eat an egg as a child because she thought a yolk was a blended up chick. That's totally a story she would tell. Oh, they laughed at that. Before she left, Rachel handed Michael the white button down shirt of his she wore during breakfast and apologized for getting a little strawberry jam on it. They laughed at that too. THEY LAUGH AT EVERYTHING! Rachel finally turned around, walked out the door and smiled like a fat baby farting as she skipped down the hallway. Cue a Motown song. The End. Or is it?!
The National Post (via Page Six) says that their story has continued! Columnist Shinan Govani says that Rachel and Michael have been holding hands and LAUGHING all over Toronto for the past month. One ho who had brunch next to Michael and Rachel at Gilead Cafe said, "Their happiness is making my day."
Barf on a puddle of barf. "Their happiness is making my day"? Whoever said that must've eaten paper for brunch and stared at a matte white wall the rest of the day if Rachel and Michael LAUGHING together was the high point of their day.
I mean, only characters in a Rodgers & Hammerstein musical say shit like that! And they sing it, so it's totally different! That quote totally ruined my day.
Rachel McAdams might have a look of pure happiness on her face in the picture above, because she's on her way to get a piece! Specifically, get a piece of Michael Sheen. Yeah, I'm sure you're already scratching your head due to the case of lice you caught from a one-night-fuck last night, but scratch extra hard at the thought of Rachel dating Michael Sheen.
This little bit of news comes from Lainey Gossip who watched Rachel and Michael flirt with each other at the after party for his movie Beautiful Boy at TIFF on Sunday night. Lainey writes that to her it looked like they met for the first time that night. Lainey went on to write, "But then they went to sit together on a couch and kept talking and not talking to anyone else. And then together they went over to the bar to talk some more. On the way they ran into others, and talked to those others together, and after getting more drinks they went back to their couch and kept talking and new others came and went while they continued to not be apart. And that’s not usually just a friend thing. That’s a thing thing. By the time I left, they’d been together like that for over an hour."
And a few of Lainey sources told her that there's definitely something there, but it's still early on.
Rachel stopped humping on Ryan Gosling not too long ago, and I thought Michael Sheen was with Lorraine Stewart, but I guess that's over? I'm not up on my Michael Sheen gossip. Yes, I'll sign up for that course as soon as I hit the publish button on this shit.
If Rachel and Michael are doing it, then I'm a little surprised by her. Rachel strikes me as the type who would stay in line for the "indie-ish actor/musician/artist" buffet. I mean, I'd expect Rachel to pick up some Joseph Gordon-Levitt and maybe James Franco. But Michael Sheen?! Throwing me for a damn loop. For being a plate of steamed cauliflower without any seasoning, Rachel is just full of surprises!
P.S. (pronounced "peeee-nis"): The bald ginger bodyguard below? I would.
The Sherlock Holmes premiere was last night in NYC, and this is what Blake Lively wore to that shit.
My space heater is on blast, I've got two pairs of socks on my feet, a heating pad is shoved up in my crack and I'm still cold. So I have to bow down to Blake Lively for not letting something called "weather" fuck with her tramping it up on the red carpet.
I'm sure Blake's vagina is blowing steam and her nipples might have already fell off due to frostbite, but WHO CARES! Cameras are flashing and Blake has a show to put on! Don't let some stupid Snow Miser shit get in the way of you showcasing those chichis!
Other hos, who obviously don't have Blake's dedication, at the premiere were: Jude Law, Robert Downey Jr., Rachel McAdams, Guy Ritchie and Rocco Ritchie.
Any dress that offers maximum exposure of the titty...I mean...chest area, has shoulder pads and can easily pass for one of Sammy Jo Dean Carrington Fallmont's wedding dresses gets an A+++ in my book. Another bonus is that if Rachel McAdams was suddenly possessed by the devil, causing her head to spin backwards, she wouldn't have to turn her dress around! The front could pass for the back and vice versa. As my favorite alien, Ramona from The Real Housewives of NYC, would say: KA-DOOOZE!
Anyway, here's Rachel and Erica Bana at the premiere for that movie that kind of sounds like Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure meets a Danielle Steel novel.
Jude "I Swear I'll Pull Out In Time" Law announced that he has a fourth baby coming around the bend this Fall, but wouldn't say who he knocked up. YourTango (via Star) is saying that Rachel McAdams' younger sister,
Hilary Swank Kayleen, is the woman who is brewing a little Jude Law baby in her womb. Apparently, Jude and Kayleen did fucky times last year without the help of a baby batter catcher mit.
They met in NYC when Kayleen came to visit her sister on the set of Sherlock Holmes. This might solve this blind item from CDAN:
This B+/A- movie actor had a great relationship with his C list movie actress co-star on one of his recent movies. It didn't lead to anything romantic for them, but the actress did invite her sister to the set. Well one thing led to the other and the next thing you know the sister of the C list actress was pregnant. When our actor found out, he dumped the sister and is saying the child isn't his. It made for a VERY tense time between the actress and the actor on their recent promotional tour.
However, Jude's spokeswhore told Life & Style that Kayleen McAdams IS NOT THE MOTHER.
A source told Life & Style that Jude did meet his baby mama in NYC while he was filming SH in January, but that it was just one of those "fuck, dump and bounce" sort of things. After Jude left town, the woman found out she had a case of the babies. She contacted Jude's publicist, they got a DNA test and that's that! The source went on to say, "The two of them are by no means together, but Jude isn't being a jerk about being a father. He's willing to take responsibility for his baby. And she's definitely keeping it. She's probably about seven months along right now."
Whoever, the lady is, she should name the baby Sherlock. It's the right thing to do. Homegirl should also stick a few Propecia pills in her vag, so the baby can grab 'em and eat 'em. I mean, look at Jude's "gone north" hairline. You can't be too careful!
Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Homey: The Search For Jude Law's Hairline starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law isn't hitting theaters until Christmastimes, but there's already a trailer out. Guy Ritchie sold out to the man and the result doesn't look that awful. I mean, this isn't the Sherlock Homey isn't at all likes the books. This has a lot of fighting, hard nipples, lost hairlines, explosions, cliche slow-mo shit and silly British accents! Seriously, his accent is kind of funny. I bet Vadge's roidy-pussay sounds like that when it's had too much champagne. That was Guy's inspiration.
Hopefully, Sherlock Homey won't be the latest in a string of shit shows for Guy Ritchie. Although, Swept Away is still one of my favorite movies to bong too. Try it. Vadge's acting skills paired with some of the sweet green makes for a hilarious fucking experience.