Demi Moore

If you Google "Demi Moore plastic surgery" you'll find several stories and pictures detailing Demi Moore's journey down the plastic surgery highway. A couple of years ago, the Daily Mail even ran a story about how Demi dropped hundreds of thousands of dollars on a complete plastic surgery makeover including getting her knees de-wrinkled. Well, Demi once again claims that all of these accusations are made out of one hundred percent LIES, because she's never had anything done. If your eyeballs didn't roll right out of your head, hold them tight, because they just might do that after reading Demi's version of the truth. Keep the phrase "BITCH STOP" waiting in the wings....

Demi told French Marie Claire (via The Telegraph), "It's completely false, I've never had it done. But I would never judge those who have. If it's the best thing for them, then I don't see a problem." Demi went on to yap that she's not a fan of plastic surgery, "It's a way to combat your neurosis. The scalpel won't make you happy. That said, the day when I start crying when I look at myself in the mirror might be the day when I'm less adamant about not having it done. For the moment I prefer to be a beautiful woman of my age than try desperately to look thirty."

Oh, Demi! This game is fun! You know, I didn't just gobble down two powdered donuts. No, that was an organic apple and a boiled egg (whites only). And no, I didn't spend my entire night bonging and boozing. No, I spent it mediating and trying to find my chi (SPOILER ALERT: It was in my bong). See, isn't that a fun game. We can all play along with Demi!

Why doesn't Demi just admit this shit? Yeah, she's not the second coming of Donatella Versace, but she has definitely spent a little quality time with the scalpel. Methinks they might be lovers.

I mean, what does Demi have to say about this:

Let me guess, Demi was sunbathing topless and the wind just happened to blow two silicone-filled plastic sacks into her nipple holes?

The White House Correspondents' Dinner was last night in DC and it looked like they put the invite on Facebook, because hos who had no business being there showed up to clink flutes with the President. By the looks of who showed up, this looks more like the White Castle Correspondents' Dinner. How did some of these trollops get in? I'm sure there were a lot of discarded caterer suits in the back hallway, because that's how most of them snuck in. Flat Stanley is the only bitch who deserved a chair at this dinner!

Okay, okay, some of these hos belonged, but only like 99.999999%. See for yourself. In order: Flat Stanley (with date Ed Westwick), Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Mariska Hargitay, Trudie Styler, Sting, Jon Bon Jovi, Amy Polar Bear, Natasha Bedingfield, Ty Ty Baby, Eva Longwhoria, Ricky Schroeder, Tommy Girl, a middle-aged alien robot wearing one of Barbara Bush's old ones, Kara DioSTFU, James Franco, Chace Crawford (who can't believe he's that close to boobies), Glenn Close, the baddest Monday-To-Friday-er in the room Samuel L. Jackson, Natalie Porkme, a tranny zombie wearing a blonde wig and STAINS' twin brother. See what I mean?

Demi Moore's head is like powered by Twitter or something. The ho lives, breathes, eats, sexes, farts, queefs, cacas Twitter. Twitter all day and night for Demi Moore. She's like the queen of Twitter, so it makes sense that a lady would cry for help to Demi. Last night, the lady sent that message above to Demi.

Demi immediately re-posted that shit on her own Twitter which made some of her ten million followers call the po po in San Jose. The woman left another message saying "gbye...gonna kill myself now."

The San Jose Police Department said they received a ton of calls from whores all around asking them to look into the possible suicide. The police found the lady and said she had not hurt herself. They took her in to "get evaluated."

After Demi found out the woman was psychically fine, she wrote: “Thanks everyone for reaching out to the San Jose PD i am told they are aware and no need to call anymore. I do not know this woman. I am inspired by the enormous response of humanity here and thank you… It is my understanding that the situation was not a joke and that through the collective efforts here action was taken to provide help!”

SEE! Twitter saves lives. So the next time your kid pesters you about not feeding him for the past four days because you've been too busy with your Twitty friends, just shoo him away and snap, "I'm saving lives here!" Actually, just Twitter it to him. He'll get it eventually. Once he does, he'll completely understand and will shuffle off into the corner to chew on the baseboard for protein.

VIA Access Hollywood

It's a before and after Botox ad! You know, because Courteney Cox has also tried that shit once and it wasn't for her. Uh huh. And Jennifer Aniston doesn't call her every night to play "pretend boyfriend."

Demi Moore is 45 and Court is 44. There's a good reason why Demi looks younger. It's because most of her body is younger than Court. Court should ask Demi for her plastic surgeon's name and number, because she's looking a little "Vadgey" in the face.

Here's more of Dem and Cox at Glamour's Reel Moments last night.

Tater Head brought her supposed new man, Micah Alberti, to the premiere of "House Bunny" in Los Angeles last night. Poor Tater. I hope he's not using her for her gorgeous looks, talent and money. I don't think he cares about her thrilling personality! Or maybe he just has a chin fetish. Chin fucker! Whatever the case may be, I'm glad Rumer is getting her taters mashed. I'm sure they will get married and have dozens of baby spuds.

Tater's mommy, Demi Moore, also came out to support her daughter. Demi is such a bitch. Look at how she's almost posing chin-to-chin with Rumer. Although, Demi is looking a little botoxy in the face. And I really wish Ashton would just go and swim in a toilet already.

The coffee might have not kicked in yet, so it could just be me, but something is off about these pictures of Demi Moore. The woman is usually the hottest cougar in the room. Ashton Kutcher's fugness is probably reflecting onto her. He's slowly sucking the hot (thanks to $500,000 worth of plastic surgery) out of her. It's divorce time. When someone starts fucking with your looks, the marriage is over.

I still don't know what she sees in his hairy ass (and you know that shit is hairy). Seriously, he probably poops out hair balls. I know the woman isn't dickmatized. Ashton totally has taquito dick. It's short, skinny and full of cheese.

Wait....is 45-year-old Demi knocked up? Ack! She sort of has that pregnant bloat. Well, she can't do much worse than the first batch.

Here's coyote boy and Demi at the 7th Annual Chrysalis Butterfly Ball last night.

Demi Moore told David Letterman last night that she's a fan of leech therapy. The 46-year-old admitted to visiting Austria to partake in a detox treatment that involves your body being covered in leeches. Demi said, "I was in Austria doing a cleanse and part of the treatment was leech therapy. These aren't just swamp leeches though - we are talking about highly trained medical leeches. These are not some low level scavengers - we're talking high level blood suckers."

Why bother going all the way to Austria when she has her own leeches at home - her daughters!

She said you get your body ready for the leeches by shaving and bathing in turpentine. "They have a little enzyme that when they are biting down in you it gets released in your blood and generally you bleed for quite a bit - and your health is optimized. It detoxifies your blood - I'm feeling very detoxified right now. I did it in some woman's house laying on her bed. We did a little sampler first, which is in the belly button. It crawls in and you feel it bite down on you and you want to go, 'You bastard.' Then you relax and work on your Lemaze breathing just to kind of relax. You watch it swell up on your blood, watching it get fatter and fatter - then when its super drunk on your blood it just kind of rolls over like it is stumbling out of the bar."

Demi also can't wait to visit Austria again for a second session. She only had 4 leeches the first time and felt a little cheated. Demi definitely needs to go back for a second time, but only to let the leeches suck the blood out of her head. Methinks her head is full of blood and that's why she's trying all these zany beauty treatments. It's not that serious!

I'm also calling bullshit on her story. When she said "Austria," she meant Beverly Hills. And when she said "leeches," she meant Botox.

Here's Demi with Tallulah Belle, Bruce and Fetus Girlfriend at the premiere of "Flawless" in NYC last night. Whatever Demi's using, it's working. Her daughter looks older than her.

Rumer Willis and Demi Moore are actually related. I was sort of beginning to doubt it and thought Bruce Willis and Jay Leno got together to create Rumer. I finally see it! I also see their dead eyes void of any kind of personality. Like mother like daughter!

Rumer, Demi and Ashton Kutcher all dressed up to attend De Grisogono’s Hollywood Dominos Benefiting The Art Of Elysium in Beverly Hills last night. At first I thought this was a damn costume party, but the other people at the event aren't wearing costumes.

These three look like they are going to a 1920s themed murder mystery cocktail party. Ashton Kutcher cannot be serious. He must be punk'ing himself, because that ensemble is laughing at him.

Ashton Kutcher's 30th Birthday party at Socialista in NYC might have become a party for Hep instead! The New York City Health Department announced that a bartender at the joint tested positive for Hepatitis A. The bartender only worked three nights and one of those nights was February 7th, Ashton's Birthday party. The bartender also worked on the 8th and 11th. The Health Dept. has asked that everyone who attended the party get vaccinated right away.

Guests at Ashton's party included, Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, Madonna, Lucy Liu, Gwyneth Paltrow, Liv Tyler, Eric Dane, Rebecca Gayheart, Salma Hayek and Roberto Cavalli.

Hep A is less serious form of Hep and will usually keep you in bed for a couple of weeks, but you won't die. The bartender reportedly caught it on a recent trip to Honduras.

A celebrity Hep scare and Paris Hilton isn't to blame?! She must be kind of bummed.

This is why it's so hard to eat delicious snacks at a bar. I'm so afraid of catching Hep A, but I can't help it. The snacks are so tasty even if they have a coating of Hep! That's probably what keeps them crunchy.

Source - Image: INFDaily.com

At this moment Madonna is probably deleting Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher from her Blackberry and erasing their memory from her precious brain. Demi and Ashton have apparently not shown up to Kabbalah's Shabbat dinner after Friday services or any other events in months! A source told MSNBC's The Scoop that Demi and Ashton used to show up to events all the fucking time and now they barely show their faces. Ashton was also spotted shopping last week without his red string.

Demi and Ashton were married in a Kabbalah ceremony. Sources close to the Kabbalah Center in Los Angeles say it's "odd" that they seemed to have cut ties with them.

Maybe Tommy Girl got to them! Madonna better send in her team to fight Xenu and the aliens. A Kabbalah/Scientology war only seems natural.

Demi probably realized that she would much rather spend her dough on plastic surgery than on Kabbalah. I'm with her.