Fake Asses

Sorry to burst your cum bubble, but the supposed Bigfoot found in Georgia by a couple of dumb dumbs is nothing more than a rubber suit that can be bought in any costume shop. SHOCKING!

Two dudes claimed they found the body of Bigfoot in Georgia. They even held a big press conference last Friday where Bigfoot's body failed to show up. The dudes plugged their website and a stupid Bigfoot hunting tour instead.

The owner of SearchingforBigfoot.com, Tom Biscardi, also got played by the two hoaxers. That's pretty fucking ironic since Tom is a Bigfoot hoaxer himself. According to Fox News, Tom paid an "undisclosed sum" to the hoaxers. He also sent a private investigator to Georgia to investigate the body. The PI found nothing more than a Halloween costume.

Tom immediately called the two dudes and they admitted it was all a hoax. They agreed to meet him at a hotel in California. When Tom showed up, they were gone. Bigfoot hoaxers on the run!

Yeah, I know. This is the most unsurprising news of the years. What's with all these fucking hoaxes lately? First came the Montauk Monster and now Bigfoot! Don't even get me started on that Chupacabra bullshit. These dumb bitch hoaxers need to stop playing with my emotions!

How dare Sarah Larson show her wax face around these parts. The Robot Call Girl should be in a classroom writing "I Am A Terrible Gold Digger" over and over again on a chalkboard.

It looks like she dyed her hair a lovely shade of bullshit brown. It still doesn't hide the fact that she has failed at life! She was well on her way to becoming my newest hero and she shattered my dreams!

Anyway, Robot Call Girl hosted a party at Tao in Las Vegas on Friday night. She told People that she's loving the single life and not dating Jason Statham despite the rumors, "It's working for me. I'm staying single. I'm not dating anyone right now. I've been focusing a lot on work and things are going very well." Translation: Robot Call Girl's agency knows she fucked up, so they aren't sending her out anymore.

Here's some pics of Robot Call Girl looking like an Asian robot call girl at Tao on Friday night.

Will Smith is always on top. Especially when he plays "hide the chalupa" with Tommy Girl. Anyway, Will Smith was the highest earning actor of 2007 according to Forbes. Will brought in $80 million last year. 10% goes to Tommy Girl's stupid alien society!

Pizza Face Diaz was the top earning actress with $50 million. Damn! And her skin still looks like the inside of Parasite Hilton's vag lips? Cammy should use some of that cash to get a skin transplant or some shit.

The top 5 overpaid dudes in Hollyweird are:

1. Will Smith - $80 million
2. Johnny Depp - $72 million
3. Eddie Murphy - $55 million
4. Mike Myers - $55 million
5. Leonardo DiCaprio - $45 million

The top 5 overpaid chicks in Hollywoodweird are:

1. Pizza Face Diaz - $50 million
2. Keira Knightley - $32 million
3. Jennifer Aniston - $27 million
4. Reese Witherspoon - $25 million
5. Fishsticks Paltrow - $25 million

It's a fucking sad day when Eddie Murphy and Keira Knightley are making that much money. I mean, Eddie Murphy was in "Meet Fucking Dave." WTF?!

And yes, Jennifer Aniston made more than Saint Angelina. Angie Jo made $14 million last year. Broke ass bitch! How the hell is she going to support her 85 kids on that measly salary? Bitch better get in line at the WIC office.

Visit Forbes to see the complete list

Why are dumb bitches still giving OmaGROSSA a platform for her fake foolishness? Yes, I'm at fault too. I'll dick slap myself later for posting this shit. Anyway, Wendy Williams had Omarosa on her talk show yesterday, and shit got heated right away.

OmaGROSSA was on to promote her book, "The Bitch Switch," and soon after sitting on the couch, she told Wendy she "would not be disrespected." Wendy responded by saying, "This is not the time for you to look for your moment." Wendy then reached for Oma's fugly book to show it to the cameras, but Oma snatched it out of her hands and said, "I'll hold my own book!"

The interview went on with Wendy calling Oma "a stereotypical black woman," and Oma telling Wendy that she looks like she had a nose job and that her wig is busted.

Wendy later told the Associated Press, "Omarosa wished her career was my career. Omarosa is a delusional, D-list, pathetic woman." Okay, I really do love Wendy, but that's the pot calling the kettle D-LIST!

OmaGROSSA is so hard to watch. I don't know why Wendy didn't grab that book and beat the smugness off of that bitch's face. I want to invite Oma over for dinner just so I can slap her with a drumstick. She just makes you want to punch a peach, and peaches are delicious!

Here's the clip of Wendy and OmaGROSSA from yesterday's show. And why are they both dressed like two Southern teens going to their prom?

VIA ONTD

Elisabeth Hasselbarf got all emotional on "The View" today while talking about the use of the "N" word. It all started when the group of hens started yapping about Jessie Jackson using the word in a news tape on Fox News. Elisabeth tried to argue that we all live in the same world and so nobody should use that word ever, because of the children. Think of the children!

That's when Whoopi turned on and told Elisabeth that we don't live in the same world, and that the word is only as powerful as we allow it to be. The fake bitch didn't understand this shit so she started breaking down.

You know when you hear bad news and you don't really care about it, but you think you should care about it, so you try and force the tears to come out? That's what Elisabeth was doing. Bitch needs to learn the "pull your pubic hairs" technique to bring on the real tears.

Ugh. She's so annoying! I just wanted Whoopi to calmly walk over and slap her in the teeth. That would've made the bitch cry for real.

Thank God for crazy ass Barbara Walters who saved the day with her zany tongue.

Surprise, surprise. Bret Michaels and Rock of Love 2's winner, Ambre Lake, broke up. Like they were ever together. You know what this means? Yup, Rock of Love 3 will be back on Vh1 early next year. This kind of sucks, because the genital warts I caught from watching last season were just starting to clear up.

This time around Bret is filling his tour bus with a bunch of skanks and bringing them on the road with him. They will travel across the country with Bret on a month-long-tour. Most of the skanks will feel right at home since they probably grew up in a trailer.

Each time the tour bus stops in a new city, the whores will complete in challenges and one will be left off the bus. It will be called Rock of Love Bus.

This shit is not about finding love. This shit is about watching a bunch of chicken heads get drunk and do ho shit in their natural environment.

I will only watch this show if the sexy bitch on the right in the picture above is in it. Who am I fooling? I'm going to watch it anyway. I can't wait for the Waffle House challenge. You know there's going to be one.

This is a hard one, I know. They are the spitting image of each other. Separated at the crack house. The dude on the right is the infamous David Lee Roth imposter that has been going all over Canada pretending to be Diamond Dave. He's the dude that Canadian police pulled over while he was having an allergic reaction to nuts. He told them he was DLR. They believed him. They are stupid.

According to TheStar.com, the fake's name is David Kuntz of Cambridge. Why would you pretend to be David Lee Roth when you have an amazing name like David Kuntz. CUNTS! I would make all my friends and family call me Sir Cunts.

Not only has Sir Cunts fooled the police, but he recently convinced an entire bar that he was David Lee Roth. He even got onstage and performed with the house band. Everyone at that bar must have been drunk, high, blind and slow. I look more like DLR than Sir Cunts does!

Sir Cunts really needs to put down the meth pipe, take off all the scarves he bought in Tijuana and head to the nearest looney bin. When they ask why he needs help, he only needs to say, "I'm Sir Cunts and I want to be David Lee Roth." They will take it from there.

You might not see Nicole Kidman's precious botox pillow baby for a while. Nicky and Frosty Urban aren't members of the Baby Whorin' Club just yet. They have reportedly turned down several multi-million dollar offers for the exclusive rights to Sunday Rose's (or Sunday Roast as Australians have been calling her) first pictures.

A source said, "They don't think it's appropriate to make deals. They are still deciding how they feel about (it) - if and when they will release a photo at all. But they realize there is enormous interest from the public and they are grateful and appreciative of that. Nicole and Keith have been enjoying their first few days at home with their firstborn tot - Nicole is thinking about things like breastfeeding right now."

Oh please. You know the surrogate popped out an Asian baby, so Nicky is desperately trying to get her a few nip/tucks before she shows her to the public. That surrogate is in sooo much trouble for mixing sauces.

Seriously, Nicole is probably going to release this shit herself, because she wants complete Photoshop control. I wouldn't even be surprised if Sunday Rose posed with Nicky's wax figure instead.

I don't think I've ever posted such a sad headline before. Sad on so many levels. The other day, I posted some story about David Lee Roth being pulled over by Canadian police because he was speeding. The cops found "David" in his car having some sort of medical emergency due to a nut allergy. It turns out that it wasn't David Lee Roth, but someone pretending to be him.

DLR told TMZ that it wasn't him and he's not allergic to nuts, but he is "allergic to is criticism." Is he sure he isn't allergic to nuts? I mean, one would think you would develop an allergy after working with all those nuts in Van Halen.

The Canadian police said the DLR's imposter has been scamming dumb bitches everywhere. He could be charged with obstruction of justice for giving a false name to cops. They also need to charge him with being pathetic enough to impersonate David Lee Roth. I think that charge carries an automatic death sentence.

All this talk of nuts has made me all sexy feeling in the private areas. Anybody have pictures of Mr. Peanut's peanut?

And is it just me or does DLR look like he's impersonating David Hyde Pierce in the picture above?

Thanks Kristina

I'd rather wear shoes made out of rusty nails than Crocs, but I'm perfectly fine with kiddies wearing plastic vagina shoes. Yeah, I'm sure Rocco Ritchie really cares that I care. He does. Truth. Memaws and pepaws over the age of 90 and kiddies are the only people allowed to wear these things. I don't even think it's right to wear them while gardening. I mean, what if the sexy ass mail man comes along and you're wearing those things? They make your feet look like giant sand buckets. Not sexy.

Little Rocco wore multi-color Crocs while arriving at the Kabbalahahaha Center in NYC last night with his family. Maybe I should convert to Kabbalah. They obviously don't give a fuck if you show up looking like you've just rolled out of bed after a 9-hour bukkake session. At other religious services, they make your ass dress up like you've just come out of a Glamour Shots photo shoot. However, red is not really my color, so I don't think Kabbalahists would appreciate me asking if the red string comes in other colors. Besides, the red string would break in two as soon as it touched my evil ass wrist.

Here's more of Vadge and Guy doing it for the cameras last night.