Fake Asses

Nicole Kidman popped out a goose-down pillow baby girl this morning in Nashville! People has confirmed the birth of Nicky and Keith Urban's botox baby. Awww....I wonder if she has her mommy's frozen forehead and her daddy's highlights?

No word on what they have named her. Keith probably wants to name her Grey Goose, but Nicky's boring ass isn't going to go for it. I think they should name her Tommy Girl. Tommy Girl Urban!

UPDATE: Nicky's spokeswhore told People that they named their new pillow Sunday Rose Kidman Urban. She weighed in at 6 lbs., 7.5 oz. SUNDAY ROSE?! That sounds like a cheap perfume my abuelita would've bought from Rite-Aid.

Congrats to Nicky, Keith and botox baby! Let's celebrate with a little Blondie:

Angelina Jolie wannabe and probably the worst hackstress on the planet, Megan Fox, has reportedly dumped Brian Austin Green. The 22-year-old dumbo called off their engagement, because she thinks she's too young to get married. A source told Star Magazine, "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realizes she's too young to marry him."

Who cares if Long Dong David Silver spends his day at the unemployment office and probably begs Megan to lend him $20, he has a big dick! That counts for a lot. Rule #2 in the "How To Choose A Boyfriend" handbook is: MUST HAVE A BIG DICK. Rule #1 is: MUST BE RICH AS HELL. Wait...okay...Megan made the right choice.

It was time for Long Dong David Silver to move on anyway. He needs to Switch It Up:

Is Elegant Olga's douchetastic voicemail stalker the infamous "Dimitri the Lover" from Toronto? After I posted Dimitri's douche-rant to Elegant Olga, a bunch of you sent me links to articles and websites about Dimitri the Lover.

Dimitri the Lover was in local papers in Toronto a while ago after he was stripped of his medical license for sexually assaulting patients. Yes, he used to be a doctor. His explanation was, “At the time, I was married. And my wife was sexually dysfunctional, I had not had sex with her in a year and a half. It was a very tough time, I was very horned up. And I was busy, between that and working, so for me it was easy to hit on chicks that were patients.”

He's pretty well known in Toronto for being the biggest douche alive. He's also part of a group known as Toronto Real Men. It sounds like a circle jerk group. Toronto Real Men is part of the "seduction community." I guess, they try and fuck as many chicks as they can.

There's a lot more info on Dimitri the Lover's website as well as this interview he did. There's also a super small picture of him on this website.

Dimitri totally thinks he's Frank Mackey from "Magnolia." Even Tommy Girl is rolling her eyes at that.

VIA Lolligagging

Thanks Brandy, Patricia and Kaitlin

Seeing Dr. Phil at a George Michael show would be like seeing Rojo Caliente in a mini-skirt and tube top. It's not right and it's a little offensive. Well, Dr. Phil was at George Michael's concert last night in Los Angeles with his wifey and his presence didn't go unnoticed.

TaraDi's Popcast reports that about 30-minutes into the show, George started laughing a bit and quietly said, "...No this is too mean." He then told the audience that Dr. Dumb Fuck was in the front row with his wifey. Some of the crowd started to applaud and some started to boo at Dr. Phil's stupid fucking head!

George said that Phil's wife looked like she was having a good time, but that Phil looked miserable. The camera then showed Phil's ugly mug on the screens and that's when the audience erupted in boos. George ended by telling Phil, "You should see someone about that!" Everyone cheered and Phil and wifey apparently headed for the exit.

You just know Dr. Phil asked for his money back. Dr. Phil deserved it! He deserves to get booed wherever he goes. So the next time you're pissing next to Dr. Phil in a urinal, zip up and poo boo in his face.

The picture above makes me sad for two reasons. First of all, my arch rival CHERYL BURKE is the focus of the picture. Second of all, that dude missed an opportunity to shove his Sharpie in CHERYL BURKE'S fat mouth and shut her up for once and for all!

Isn't it an unwritten rule that Mop Head is not allowed outside during "Dancing with the Has-Beens'" off season? And what the hell is she doing anyway? She looks like she's in pain and about to cough up a hairball. I swear, CHERYL BURKE is going to be the death of me! I'll get her soon!

Even fake ass hair can't stand Kate Moss. A hair extensions freed itself from her skull as she arrived at her hotel in Berlin last night. Some pap picked up the horse hair like he won a prize. Wait, maybe he did win a prize! I bet if he shakes that thing over a mirror, he'd get a couple of coke lines out of it. Score!

Kate Moss was in Berlin to promote her new perfume "Velvet Hour." It probably smells like burnt weave, cokey breath, Dreamboat Dohery's love chunks and crumpets. Basically, it smells delicious.

Donald Trump manages to have bangs without having bangs. How is this possible? Get Ken Paves on the case!

It's pretty frightening to see Don's dark-sided comb over actually moving. This isn't good news for Rosie O'Donnell. She better lock her doors and go to bed with a can of Aqua Net by her side. The comb over is coming for her!

Don's comb over looks like a pre-k craft project. It's some paper mache shit. When a glob of his hair falls out, he makes Melania dip it in glue and slap it on his head. He really should get hair advice from Trump Dog.

Here's Donald and his weepy comb over in Scotland yesterday.

Ceiling eyes Audrina and LC from "The Hills" got into a backyard fight over some stupid ass photo shoot. TMZ reports that LC came home to find Audrina in the middle of a shoot with some magazine. LC flipped out because she promised exclusive pictures of their backyard to another magazine. Exclusive pictures of a dumb backyard? These fake celebrities are so weird. Both of these dumb whores need to have a cupcake and sit down.

Audrina apparently got approval from LC's manager. She has one of those?

Can you imagine seeing these two boring ass fools trying to fight without a script? LC probably kept yelling "LINE! LINE!" and didn't know what to say when nobody responded.

I've worked in a cubicle before, but never a cubicle city like the one above. That shit will make even the sanest bitch go nuts. These two videos of extreme workplace rage have been making the rounds on the internets. This dude is awesome. You know his co-worker just asked him, "Um....are those your papers that were left on the copy machine?"

The dude throws his monitor at some poor chick! He makes Michael Douglas from "Falling Down" look like a pussy.

That being said, this shit is probably fake. I mean, where's the annoying office manager screaming at him, "I'm going to write you up for this!!"

Above is footage from a security camera and below is footage from someone's celly.

VIA Gizmodo

Thanks Joe

George Clooney's mannequin call girl is on her own now that he's cancelled his lease with her. Sarah Larson put on a brave face to attend the opening of Palms Place Hotel in Vegas last night. Scratch that. Her brave face is her only face. That shit don't move. It takes a skilled wax artisan a couple of hours to give the ho a different expression.

Yes, Sarah was a guest at last night's party. The ho better not get too comfortable because she'll be back to serving Jello shots in a bikini next week.

Verne Troyer and Constantine Mouralis were also at the party. Sarah better have turned up the charm to snag one of these eligible bachelors. Although, I don't know if she can handle Connie's magnet stare. That shit could melt her wax ass.