Brangelina

Angie Jo has confirmed she's popping out twins and Jack Black is the father. I wish. They would have her lips and his gut. Jack Black spilled the news to Access Hollywood during a side-by-side interview with Angie for "Kung Fu Panda." Angie followed up his slip with her own confirmation. After the interview, her vagina of death devoured him whole as punishment.

This will be Brangie's 5th and 6th kid.

Hear that? It's the sound of thousands of Brangaloonie's exploding in perfect unison.

Chichis are better than pillows. I'm gayer than a pair of giant pink bunny slippers and I still like taking chichi naps. It's better than Arby's horsey sauce. Brad looks like he could use a nap on those chichis. The bitch looks tired.

Pax is thinking, "Why did they do this to my hair?" Maddox is thinking, "Yeah, I got this."

Here's Maddox and his court on a yacht in Monaco today.

Angie Jo brought Shiloh out of her golden tower for a few hours of shopping in Monaco. Angie likes to remind Shiloh how us peons live. Shiloh usually spends her days sleeping on a gold throne and bathing in ice milk. That's how she keeps her hair so golden. Duh!

Zahara can't believe she has to walk and she's over it. She would rather be home finishing her hair and painting her toe nails.

Oh and what's with all the black? How goth of them.

Is that a new tattoo or did Maddox attack Brad Pitt with a marker again? I'm not a Brangaloonie, so I don't know what every inch of Brad's body looks like. It's probably just the map to Shiloh's secret tower. The tattoo was most likely Angie Jo's idea. She wants to fug up his body even more.

Here's Brad with his new fug ink going on a helicopter ride with the boys yesterday.

Star Magazine claims that Angie Jo will pop out two little girlies when she gives birth this July. A sourcie told them, "Brad can't wait — he absolutely adores little girls. And Angelina just loves seeing him and the other kids so excited and happy." I'm sure Shiloh is thrilled, because she'll finally have some company in her locked tower.

If they are having twins girlies, the only names they can choose from are: "Salt and Pepper," "Sweet and Sour," "Sugar and Spice," "Diamond and Pearl" and "Cashmere and Mink." Only those names! Naming them anything else would be wrong.

Another inside source claims Angie's pregnancy has been filled with "scary complications." The sourcie claims she suffered a major fall, "Angie got out of bed and was halfway across the room when she passed out and fell. Brad heard her hit the floor — hard — and he rushed to her side. She came around pretty quickly, and the medical team that has been traveling with her, a doctor and a nurse, got her back into bed and started checking her vitals."

Let me guess, this "source's" name rhymes with Mennifer Maniston?

The Edge was at the sea shore in the South of France today picking out rocks and being hot. Oh yeah, he was joined by that famous family everyone talks about. Not the entire family was there. Shiloh was busy in Paris planning her summer look. She can't be bothered with shit like picking rocks at the beach.

Angie Jo's dress is every shade of fug. It looks like it was made out of my abuelita's tablecloth collection. Wait, maybe that IS my abuelita's tablecloth collection. That thief! Does she have to steal everything? Damn. Now I know how Jenny Aniston feels.

Brangie and Zahara went on a helicopter ride today in France to go look at houses or something. They are reportedly staying in France until Angie's chosen twinsies pop out. I hope she names them Paris and France or Pepe and LePew or Baguette and Crepes. Any of those will do.

Maddox couldn't make it, because he was too busy putting laxatives in Zahara's milk. He's pissed that she's the one getting carried around everywhere now. Remember the days when his feetsies were too good to step on common ground? Actually, they still are. Angie should get him one of those segways.

Here's more pics of the chosen family in France.

Yeah, this isn't shocking. I lied to you. Anyway.......

Angelina Jolie wasn't always a world saving, orphan adopting saint. She does have a past and The National Enquirer claims the past might come back to haunt her. A videotape from the 90s of Angie Jo allegedly doing heroin is up for sale! Shit. Can't a bitch do heroin in peace? Does there always have to be a camera involved? I'm waiting for the day celebrity "taking a shit" videos start making the rounds.

The Enquirer reports that the tape's owner wants $70,000. A source said the tape is from the 90s around the time of "Gia." The source went on to say, "The key part of the tape is Angelina doing heroin. She says, 'Wow, this is really good smack - not that cheap crap that's been stepped on.' Angelina is seen sniffing white lines from a plate, and then as the drug cooks on tinfoil, she deeply sucks in its smoke through a tube."

Angie Jo has been open about her drug use in the past. She's admitted in interviews to doing coke, heroin, blah....blah... Now she gets high on saving the world. Barf and boring.

Back to the celebrity shitting thing. I think a video of Angie taking a dump would be more shocking than a video of her smoking heroin in the 90s. I mean Saint Angie doesn't shit. I refuse to believe it.

Source

Thanks Reanna

George Clooney is once again talking about Brangie. George is the world's #1 Brangaloonie.

Georgie told Heat Magazine that hanging around Brad and Angie's 10 thousand kids makes him not want to have children of his own. "Even one kid running around my villa makes me nervous, so I'm definitely not a candidate for father of the year! If I need to surround myself with children and feel like I have this big extended family, I can always call Brad and Angie and ask them to stay with me, just to remind me why I'm so happy without."

Although, he won't be asking them to stay with him in Italy this Summer. "I really don't have enough space for all their children. Also, Brad and Angelina need a security deal of about 20 guys wearing dark suits and carrying walkie-talkies, and that tends to attract attention."

Screaming children don't bother me. That's what cupboards, duct tape and booze are for. I use those things on myself! Not the children! What do you take me for?

George just needs to chop his nuts off already. He's made it loud and clear that he doesn't want any babies. Get the snip, because Sarah Larson is setting her trap.

Source

Angie Jo is in Washington, DC today to tell everyone that the Presidential election is off, because she's decided to run. She totally think about it, though. I would only vote for her if Maddox was her running mate.

Yes, she's getting bigger. That's what happens to pregnant ladies. I can already see the little shining crowns on the heads of her royal unborn babies.

In the picture above, I totally picture Angie thinking, "Hi everyone. Yes! It really is me! I know! I'm just as perfect in person. You can do just a half curtsey today. I'm feeling generous. You're welcome."

Here's more pics of Angie Jo in Washington leaving the Council on Foreign Relation "Iraq, Education, and Children of Conflict" Forum today.