Vivica Fox

Vivica Fox was just strolling through LAX the other day when the paparazzi caught her after an accidental crotch leak. I don't know how it happened, but it happens to all of us (just nod your head "yes" for Vivica's sake). Sometimes you're so drunk and full of lazy that you can't even bothering shaking the excess out at the urinal, so you put it back in and sit down. But as soon as you sit down, it spurts out like a newly turned on garden hose and you've got a fucking tribute to Fergie on your crotch. IT HAPPENS (keep nodding). Sometimes you fall asleep on the plane, and the tricky ho next to you who is forever a 13-year-old girl at a slumber party decides to stick your hand in cup full of lukewarm water and BOOM. You've had an accident. IT HAPPENS (keep nodding, you can send me your chiropractor bill later).

Maybe it's not even piss. Maybe Vivica is on her way to the TSA checkpoint and her vagina is sweating just thinking about the stress it's about to go through. Or maybe Viv spotted a particularly luscious lace front in a store window and it put a little cream on her pie. IT HAPPENS!

And I love that Vivica just keeps on struttin' her ass even though you know her crotch is sloshing like Wellies in wet snow. Who cares Vivica! Keep struttin'!

Let out a cougar yelp and toast to 2010's Mrs. Robinson, because 46-year-old Vivica Fox has announced to Page Six that her 27-year-old club promoter boyfriend of a year, Omar "Slimm" White, put an 8-karat diamond ring on her hitchin' finger at the Ritz Carlton in Miami during the holidays. Viv recently bragged that her baby marking parts are of the Duggar variety, so put on your catchers mitt, because she'll be popping BABIES!!!!! out of her seasoned chocha any day now.

In case you need an answer to the question, "Why would the star of Three Can Play At That Game marry a 27-year-old club promoter?", visit Sandra Rose to see a picture of Slimm with his best part out (you have to log-in over there to play). Dick so large that it'll make your hairline jump back to praise the lord. No wonder the sight of Viv's face is making you snap your fingers and patiently wait for her twin to show up so that they entertain you with song. Slimm's gut busting peen gave her that cat scratch fever and it's written all over her face.

At the premiere of the new Michael Jackson movie This Is It in Los Angeles yesterday, this lady stood for hours with her eyes poppin' out and her perfect eyebrows waiting to pounce as soon as Detective La Toya hit the red carpet. Unfortunately, the woman's (and my) dreams were crushed into dust, because La Toya never graced the crowd with her glamour. La Toya refused to see the film, because she wants to keep a clear head to help her with the ongoing investigation to get to the bottom of EVERYTHING. And because La Toya said Michael would've never wanted his rehearsal footage to be made into a feature film. La Toya would know since I'm sure Michael communicated this to her using morse code.

Even though La Toya wasn't there, the premiere was still attended by a giant cast of characters. Some of these bitches would show up to the opening of a dick hole as long as cameras were there (I'm looking at you, Wonky).

Below is: Celestia (and her son who is trying to get away from her), Steve Sanders, Tito Jackson, Jackie Jackson, Marlon Jackson, Jermaine Jackson, JLo, JLove, Jaime Kennedy, Joey McIntyre, Katy Perry, Glamberace, Lou Ferrigno (with his glamorous wife), Neil Patrick Harris, Paula Abdul, Rosanna Arquette, Vivica Fox, Will Smith and some bottom shelf call girl.

You can cancel the APB out for Vivica Fox's hairline, because that shit turned up the other night in Hollywood at a party for Shark City. It's true that bitch's hairline is looking a shaken up and horrified, but at least it's here now. That thing has probably seen some fucked up, nut-shrinking shit on its travel. It's also sweet that her weave is curling up to her hairline. It missed it.

Actually, change that APB. Put it out for Vivica's old Booty Call face instead, because it needs to come back. Vivica is seriously close to Lil' Kim territory and that's a scary thing. Hos should not look like felines. I feel the need to throw a ball of yarn at her ass. And if Vivica ever shows her face in Brooklyn, she better watch it, because Kenley Penley might hurl her ass at her new boyfriend.

Early this morning, I had a half-dream that I was trying to read the future by looking into Vivica Fox's crystal ball forehead. When I fully woke up, it made complete sense to me that she was whoring herself out to the SLYCIC (shout out to God Warrior!) Friends Network. But just when I got on board with Vivica's new career move, I find out that she says the whole thing is fraudulent!

Vivica told Black Voices she "is no friend of The Psychic Friends Network." and went to say that she never authorized them to use her "likeness, footage, voice and photographs as an endorsement of their service." Vivica also told them to read her hairline and stop using her shit to push their fakery. She didn't give any explanation as to how they magically got a hold of video of her endorsing that fakery.

You know, those Psychic Friends skills must be authentic, because they were able to look into the future to put this infomercial together!! Because we all know that this is exactly where Viv's career is going. How else are you going to follow up Glam God?

Some bitches throw a "pay my rent party" in order to raise funds, Vivica Fox takes any damn job offered to her. Any job! This bitch has replaced Dionne Warwick as the new spokeswhore for the Psychic Fakes Network.

Vivi, has it really come to this?! Eating assholes for 50 cents a pop in a back alley dumpster is more respectable than this shit! Damn. Can't somebody bring back Living Dolls, so Vivica can have a job she can be proud of?!

In the meantime, maybe Vivica can ask one of her Psychic Friends where her damn hairline went!

Thanks Pam

Maybe Vivica A. Fox had the runs yesterday so she sent out her wax figure in her place. I just want to hold her head and stick a wick on top of it. Vivica just needs to step away already. Getting your face work done at DuPont can't be healthy.

On a positive note, you can play a serious game of handball off her face and she wouldn't feel a thing!

Here's Vivie or her wax figure outside Regis & Kelly in NYC yesterday.

Fuggie Fug and Quentin Tarantino threw a joint Birthday party for themselves at The Mirage in Las Vegas last night. Now this is a couple I can back up! Fuggie needs to dump pretty boy Josh and hook up with the concentrated fugness known as Quentin Tarantino. Their fugness was meant to be joined as one.

Guests included Kid Rock, Vivie, Daryl Hannah, Josh Duhamel and some other dumb skanks.

Kid Rock bought Fuggie some sort of hot dog machine for her Birfday. She told UsWeekly, “You put the bun on one side, and you put the hot dog in the little hot dog holes, and it pops out of the toaster in about a minute, and your hot dogs are ready to go." But can it fix her face?

Wait....Vivie Fox, Daryl Hannah AND Vivica Fox in one room together. I hope they kept the number of candles to a minimum. Too much heat and that joint would've been hit with a melted, plastic tsunami.

Watching Vivica Fox trying to wink is making me nervous. Her mug is pulled so tight that it probably took her a good 10 minutes to perform that wink. The photographers probably went and got a coffee while she tried to figure out how she was going to do it without her weave popping off from all the pressure. Next time, she just needs to use her fingers to pull down her lid. She shouldn't strain herself.

Here's Viv with that hot bitch Miss Jay at the Lacroix show in Paris today.

I have a message for you Vivica Fox, Dominique Deveraux from "Dynasty" called and she wants her look back. This bitch looks like a Miss America contestant from 1984. I don't know what has more plastic in it. Her weave or her face? She is a mess.

Tyra Banks looks hotter than usual, but that dress is all sorts of ugly. It looks like it was made using leftover pillows from Z Gallerie. They love to put feathers on their ugly ass pillows for some reason.

Here's Vivie and Ty Ty Baby at the BET Honors last night.