Drew Barrymore

It's another day, which means there's another list from the professional list makers at Forbes and this time they're pulling some OCCUPY HOLLYWOOD shit on millionaire movie stars.

Forbes took their highest paid actor list and compared it with the grosses for all the movies they starred in within the past 5 years. They had to star in at least 3 movies (animated movies were not counted) that opened in 500 theaters or more. They took what each of their movies made (including first year DVD sales) and added it together. Then Forbes took what the actor made for each movie and added that shit together. Then they divided those two totals. You know, I don't even know what I just typed. That mess is like a foreign language to me. I know, you come to Dlisted for dick cheese jokes and I'm giving you math! Let's just assume that Forbes got higher than a C in 6th grade math, unlike me, and came up with the correct numbers.

You'd think that Katherine Heigl would be #1 through #10, but that bitch isn't even on the list. Drew Barrymore took the top loser spot and Tommy Girl took the second from the bottom (wink wink). Here's the entire list:

1. Drew Barrymore - $0.40 on every $1
2. Eddie Murphy - $2.70 on every $1
3. Will Ferrell - $3.50 on every $1
4. Reese Witherspoon - $3.55 on every $1
5. Denzel Washington - $4.25 on every $1
6. Nicolas Cage - $4.40 on every $1
7. Adam Sandler - $5.20 on every $1
7. Vince Vaughn - $5.20 on every $1
9. Tommy Girl - $6.35 on every $1
10. Nicolas Kidman - $6.70 on every $1

If you asked my advertisers what they get for every $1 they put into Dlisted, they'd probably say hate mail and 2am e-mails from me begging them to send me their products for quality control purposes (that last part only applies to vibrator companies), so Drew Barrymore has one up on me.

Thanks to the Sir Isaac Obviouses at Forbes for letting us know that some millionaire movie stars ain't worth shit on a shit road. But I'd much rather see a list of Hollywood's most underpaid stars, which I'm assuming would include Betty White, everybody in Showgirls, the "I've Got No Legs" dude from Kids and Donna Wilkes from the Angel movies.

Drew Barrymore and her latest boyfriend, whosenameyoudontneedtolearnsinceshellhaveanewonenextweek, gave everybody at the Lakers game a tongue and grope show in L.A. last night. Drew has this thing where she looks like she's in for real love with every dude she's dating at the time. Look at her eyes burping out pink hearts in the picture above. Drew is looking at her dude like he's a giant unicorn man who has an eternally hard 8.5" dick that cums fluffy kittens and whose anus is the keyhole to heaven. SO IN LOVE.

It's sickening. I just want to catch the flu and then sneeze right into their kissing mouths. This dude knows what I'm talking about.

Marky Mark still really wants people to see him as Mark Wahlberg, serious Oscar-nominated thespian, instead of the hot piece who is responsible for awakening the genitals of a thousand newbie gays in the 90s. This is Marky Mark's greatest achievement in his professional life and he should pull down his pants and embrace it! But nooooo, Marky still gets all sorts of assholey in the face when somebody brings it up. Drew Barrymore knows all about this.

During a scene in her new movie Going the Distance, Drew phone fucks with Justin Long while thinking about Marky Mark's ads for Calvin Klein chonies. When Drew ran into Marky Mark recently, she told him all about the scene and instead of thanking her for slobbering over his dick, he acted like a giant one. Drew told Popeater, "Oh my God, I did tell him that. I ran into him at an awards show and I told him I was just talking about how hot you are in your underwear. Who would not be excited about that? He's a very nice guy, and I have had other conversations with him that went much better than that."

Justin Long, who was also there, defended Marky, "It didn't go over great ... In [Wahlberg's] defense, it's a strange thing to bring up. I don't think he was prepared for it."

Marky Mark takes shit way too seriously. Why does he have to ruin all the beautiful and touching moments we spent together in my wet dreams back in the day? Why does he have to spit (and not in a sexy) on our fake love? Drew is right. There's no need for Marky to turn on the CUNT switch when a crazy gay runs up to him in an East Village deli to ask him to sign the cum stain on his old Calvin Klein ad. I mean, I asked politely and everything! Fuck!

Here's Drew with her dog friend in NYC last night.

James St. James over at WOW Report is part of Drew Barrymore's inner Facebook harem, because he jokes that he got her drunk on Kahlua and coke when she was 10. I'm sure it wasn't Kahlua and coke. It was Kahlua and cream, because James knows that milk does a growing child's body good.

Anyway, yesterday Drew switched her status to ENGAGED!

And if it's on Facebook, it must be true. Facebook never ever lies. So that means that Drew is walking around with an iRing on her finger from The Mac Dude. Unless, Facebook does lie and this is just a publicity stunt cooked up by Steve Jobs to promote the iPad. This is possible

Drew Barrymore already had her fun with Charlie's Angels TWICE! Drew needs to leave it alone and go play with something else (a sequel to Doppelganger, perhaps?). But noooooooo, Drew is not done with Charlie Angel's! Variety (via Coming Soon) brings us the nipple-crushing news that Drew is in talks with ABC to produce a pilot for a modern version of Charlie's Angels. This is more like Charlie's NIGHTMARES. Did they not learn anything from She Spies?

Josh Friedman, who worked on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, is currently writing the script. Drew and some other evil doers will produce.

Mischa Barton better go back to her whiskey enema and not even look at her phone to call her agent. DON'T.

This whole idea is ugly. The only way I can co-sign this is if this wreck starred Chicken Cutlets, Rojo Caliente, Shauna Sand and Spaghetti Cat as Charlie. Otherwise, they need to let it rest in peace. Send Charlie's Angels up to heaven with Aaron Spelling and Farrah Fawcett where it belongs.

What is there to say about Drew Barrymore's short bus outfits anymore? I surrender. Besides, it makes my soul smile picturing Punky Brewster and Dawn Wiener joining forces to pick out this fuckery for Drew. I guess if a shark hat on your head is the least ridiculous thing in your outfit, you are doing something right? Again, I surrender.

WAIT. HOLD UP. I wonder if MiserAlba asked Drew to wear that hat?! MiserAlba just won't quit! Shark awareness FAIL: Part II.

Here's more of Josie Grossy and the Mac Dude leaving a Marlins game in Miami yesterday.

Most of these pictures are tilted, because the pap fell over in shock after gazing his eyes upon the fuggery on Drew Barrymore's body! Who in the what in the where?! Homegirl looks like Grunge 90s Pillow Person. Is there such thing as a Clothestime outlet, because that's the only place I can think of where Drew got this fugsemble. Well, unless Donna Martin had a yard sale.

This is some shit I would've pulled in junior high school (laugh all you want!). I would've taken straps from an old backpack, glued them to an Ikea bed sheet, slipped it over torn jeans, put on my Docs and busted out the door thinking I looked like THE SHIT. When in fact I really just looked like shit.

Here's Drew single-handedly killing the 90s while out with The Mac Dude in Hollywood last night.

During the whole press tour for Grey Gardens, Drew Barrymore has been looking like the kind of bitch I want to enter into a drag queen lip-synch contest, so she can win me two drink tickets and a bag of Wet 'N Wild cosmetics. That's a positive thing. Seriously, Drew has been looking really hot and you know I don't pass around compliments the same way I pass around my ass.

At last night's L.A. premiere, Drew brought it again...almost. The Fuckerella hair, the Valley of the Dolls dress, it's all doing good things to me. That's until she smiled. Now, I don't like it when teefs look like giant gleaming white Chiclets, but I shouldn't want to drop her teefs into a baked potato either. That is some Parkay shit! Homegirl just needs a little Wite-Out and she'll be good to roll.

JOKES! Now if Fishsticks Paltrow was wearing that net, I'd mean it!

Even though she has a kitchen strainer over her face, Drew Barrymore still looked hot at the premiere of Grey Gardens last night in New York. Drew totally ransacked the costume closet to put this shit together, but she gets a lispy kiss for a job well done. However, I must say that I already conquered this look aaaaaages ago.

Let's travel back to Halloween a few years ago. For some reason (*cough*too much Ecstasy*cough*), I thought it was a hot idea to dress up in drag as a blonde dominatrix from the 20s. We went to several clubs that night and despite the fact that my peen passed out from being squeezed into tight panties, there weren't any major issues. Well, I shouldn't say ANY. My stupid ass bitch of a cousin decided to kill my thunder by ripping off my wig off while I was busting it to an old Crystal Waters song. Besides that, everything went according to plan until we got home.

They all went inside to pass out in their own vomit, but I stupidly stayed in the front yard to get some air hoping it would stop the drunk barfs from coming. Yeah, well "getting some air" lasted fucking hours, because I passed out with my face smashed into a chain link fence. I'm sure I looked just like the picture above! Well, except my wig was on the grass, cigarette ash was smeared on my face, one of my eyelashes was stuck on my nose and the putty I used to cover up my eyebrows had gotten in my eye. The chain link marks didn't go away for hours! My finest moment.

Here's more of Drew stealing my look with The Mac Dude, Jessica "What Happened To Your Old Face" Lange and Jeanne Tripplehorn.

Justin Long and Drew Barrymore might be two boring unsalted peas in a pod again. Life & Style says The Mac Dude and Lispy went out on two dates in Los Angeles this past week after breaking up almost 8 months ago.

One nosy ass whore spotted the two acting all cuddly-like at Bar Marmont this past Thursday, “They couldn’t get enough of each other. I don’t think they even noticed that there were other people in the room! In between kisses it was all smiles and laughs.”

And the next night, the microwaved pieces of jicama were rubbing each other over dead fish at Ike in Hollywood, "They sat at the sushi bar and ordered Sake and dinner. They were both in a great mood. They were smiling ear to ear the whole time, and laughing and looking they were so happy they were going to burst.”

The last time I checked in with Lispy, she was riding the Jason Segel pony. And Justin Long was bumping it with Ginnifer Goodwin. I think. Or maybe Drew was chomping on Ginnifer and Jason Segel was getting a little bit of The Long? And I'm sure Cameron Diaz and Kate Hudson fit in there somewhere. They always do.

These boring whores of Hollywood always leave me so confuseded. It's like one big steamed vegetable key party. In related news, I don't remember the last time I ate a vegetable that wasn't fried or covered in melted cheese or mayonnaise. There's no reason to be concerned, right?