Sarah Jessica Parker

My Little Pony Parker and her big gay husband, Matthew Broderick, love to smoke all day and all night and don't see to mind that it sees to be affecting their 5-year-old son, James Wilke.

Ferrus Bueller told New York Magazine (via Us), "He's already curious. I can just see the little budding gene of a smoker in there. He'll see a cigarette butt and say, 'What is that? Why do people smoke?'"

Little James will be trading in his big wheel for a pack of Camels any day now. Matthew went on to say, "I used to smoke cigarettes, and I still do, lately. I gave that up a long time ago, but every now and then I will fall off for a week." And he said My Little Pony is worse. Pony needs to trade that ciggie for a nutritious carrot. It will make her mane shinier.

It could be worse! He could be Wino's kid. If he was Wino's kid, he would have been shooting up between his little toes before he could even walk.

You know what's more offensive than Ferris not seeming to mind that his kid might grow up to be a smoker? The fact that they put the poor boy in CROCS! CROCS!!!!! CROCS are made in the devil's workshop. Yes, they are!

My Little Pony Parker wore this silver trash bag dress to the NYC premiere of "Sex and the City." It was supposed to be a big moment for Pony and now it's been ruined thanks to that trash bag dress. You see, the Nina Ricci rag was worn earlier this month by Lauren Davis. It was also worn by Lezzy Lohan for a Harper's Bazaar shoot.

My Little Pony feels that she was duped by Nina Ricci. She was told the dress was only wore for magazine shoots and never on the red carpet. She told The New York Times, “In the big picture, this is not important, but there is a relationship between the entertainment industry and fashion. We’ve watched sales dwindle and we’ve watched people be less inclined to spend money on clothes. Look, my affection for the dress hasn’t changed, but what they did was so short-sighted. It’s just unethical and disappointing that they would allow the dress to be worn again.”

Unethical?! We're talking about a stupid ass dress made out of trash bags! Besides, I saw that same dress on a homeless lady in the park last week and she looked way hotter.

The HBIC of Nina Ricci said he was "upset that she's upset." Pony will get over it. He just needs to give Pony a sugar cube, pet her gently on the head and tell her that "she's such a pretty girl."

It was bound to happen. Somebody launched a website called SarahJessicaParkerLooksLikeAHorse.com. We need to call Peta, because this shit is horse abuse! How dare they compare those innocent horsies to her annoying ass. Demeaning!

If you're planning on seeing the SATC movie this weekend, you might save your 10 (12?) clams and spend a few minutes on SJPLH.com instead. After reading the movie's reviews, this website might prove to be a little more entertaining.

Yeah, I'm still going to see that hag and vag show. I'm praying for a Rojo Caliente cameo. I know it's not going to happen, but let a homo dream.

Thanks Becki

Sarah Jessica Parker, CHECK! Kim Cattrall, CHECK! Kirsten Davis, CHECK! Jennifer Hudson, CHECK! Cynthia Nixon, CHECK! Rojo Caliente..... Rojo Caliente? Yup. No fucking Rojo Caliente aka Christina Marinoni aka Cynthia Nixon's hot ginge girlfriend! Can you believe this shit?

I almost didn't post any of these pictures, because what's the point? The only person I care about did not show her hot ass! The organizers of the "Sex and the City" premiere in NYC last night should have shut this shit down. It ain't a party without Rojo Caliente!

Maybe she's hiding under My Little Pony's space blanket dress? She got scared when she saw all these old hags together in one place. I don't blame her.

Anyway, here's all these old hookers in fugly dresses at the SATC NYC premiere last night. They all look like shit. Well, except for Cynthia. She looks beautiful, because she has the love of Rojo Caliente.

Holy chicken cutlets with parmesan sauce! Phoebe Price's cottage cheese thighs need their own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. They are famous than their glamorous owner! They have already made the cover of The National Enquirer and now they are on this week's cover of Star Magazine. PP's cheese thighs will be on Vogue's July cover. Trust this!

And Brit Brit has the best beach bod? In some cultures, maybe. Sarah Jessica Parker's beach body looks just like Mr. Burns' beach body. Wait, have they ever been in a room together?

Scratch that. I meant, "4 saggy hags minus Cynthia, Kristin and Kim."

My Little Pony Parker looks like a ribbed condom. For here pleasure, of course. Kristin's dress looked better on Mamie Eisenhower. Cynthia is looking fucking hot. Drinking from the fountain of Rojo Caliente is doing good things for her skin. Rojo is totally a squirter. She should bottle that shit.

Here's 3 lovely ladies and one nasty hag at the German premiere of "Sex in the Shitty." Damn, they are working hard for this shit. My Little Pony is going to need a long rest after this. Hopefully, a long rest in a retirement home.

I think My Little Pony Parker decided to pay homage to Mimi and Nick Cannon's wedding by wearing one of their centerpieces on her head to the "Sex and the City" premiere in London today. Kim Cattrall is totally flashing a cunty smile, because she's glad Pony showed up with fake green roses and butterflies on her head. Kim looks like a goddamn goddess compared to Pony.

Well, if Pony gets a little hungry, she can snack on one of the weeds in her hat.

The "Sex and the City" hags came out to support Cynthia Nixon last night. Cynthia was honored with the "Ginges Who Love Bull Dykes" award. No, she was awarded some Point of Courage award or something. She is courageous for going down on Christine Marinoni. Speaking of, I don't think she was there last night!

I fucking live for seeing Christine and couldn't find her anywhere in the pictures. She's like an episode of "Rags to Riches." I constantly channel surf for an episode, hoping to land on one, but it never comes. Christine is like that.

Maybe I should hang out in the tool section of Home Depot. She's bound to show up there!

Here's more pics of My Little Pony Parker and her lambs last night. I also added some Judith Light, because she's hotter than all of them combined with a dash of sugar.

Sarah Jessica Parker is one of those chicks that claims she eats everything in sight all day and all night. Uh...huh...and follows it up by eating a big plate of laxatives. At the premiere for "Smart People" last night, SJP said, "I eat everything. I'm just an eater. If it's free, I honestly eat everything." I wonder if she eats her husband's asshole, because you know he's into that gay shit.

When asked what she's eaten recently, she said, "Last night I had steak and some lamb shank. And I had some roasted chicken and some cassoulet and some profiteroles and some ice cream and some cheesecake." And what did she have on Monday? "I had two different tarts from Once Upon a Tart [in SoHo] and toast and a banana and a cup of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. And a glass of fresh orange juice."

And how does she keep her pony frame so skinny? "It's predisposition probably." Is think that's pony talk for, "I shit it all out."

Here's SJP with her gay husband, Ellen Page and Dennis Quad. Matthew Broderick is looking more and more like a professional toe-tapper. I'm not talking about the kind of toe-tapping you do on stage either.

My Little Pony Parker neighed to Hello! Magazine (via M&C) about how she will never live in Los Angeles, because they treat celebrities like "exotic creatures." She said she has never considered leaving NYC and never will.

She said, "For me it was never really a choice between New York and Los Angeles. I've always considered New York my home and since my husband Matthew Broderick was born and raised here we never even considered moving away." Matthew would never leave NYC! He probably knows where all the great glory holes are after years of research.

Pony went on, "New York has the big advantage of not treating celebrities like exotic creatures. No-one cares because the city is so big and driven by so many other interests that people don't obsess with actors as much as they do in Los Angeles, where it all revolves around Hollywood."

It's true that most New Yorkers don't give a fuck when they see a celebrity, but they are still treated like special skanks. Celebrities get special treatment in every city and that's why I hate their asses!

Time for an example! I went to some restaurant in NYC for my Birfday last year and Mandy Moore's football player looking ass was there with a bunch of people. I was enjoying my meal when all of a sudden, Mandy gets up and asks them to play her new CD. Of course they did, because she's a celebrity. Everyone in the restaurant was forced to listen to her shitty ass music. They would have thrown me out if I asked them to play my favorite "2 Live Crew" CD for my Birfday. Not Mandy! She gets whatever she wants, because she's famous. Everyone else has to suffer.