Sarah Jessica Parker

Holy chicken cutlets with parmesan sauce! Phoebe Price's cottage cheese thighs need their own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. They are famous than their glamorous owner! They have already made the cover of The National Enquirer and now they are on this week's cover of Star Magazine. PP's cheese thighs will be on Vogue's July cover. Trust this!

And Brit Brit has the best beach bod? In some cultures, maybe. Sarah Jessica Parker's beach body looks just like Mr. Burns' beach body. Wait, have they ever been in a room together?

Scratch that. I meant, "4 saggy hags minus Cynthia, Kristin and Kim."

My Little Pony Parker looks like a ribbed condom. For here pleasure, of course. Kristin's dress looked better on Mamie Eisenhower. Cynthia is looking fucking hot. Drinking from the fountain of Rojo Caliente is doing good things for her skin. Rojo is totally a squirter. She should bottle that shit.

Here's 3 lovely ladies and one nasty hag at the German premiere of "Sex in the Shitty." Damn, they are working hard for this shit. My Little Pony is going to need a long rest after this. Hopefully, a long rest in a retirement home.

I think My Little Pony Parker decided to pay homage to Mimi and Nick Cannon's wedding by wearing one of their centerpieces on her head to the "Sex and the City" premiere in London today. Kim Cattrall is totally flashing a cunty smile, because she's glad Pony showed up with fake green roses and butterflies on her head. Kim looks like a goddamn goddess compared to Pony.

Well, if Pony gets a little hungry, she can snack on one of the weeds in her hat.

The "Sex and the City" hags came out to support Cynthia Nixon last night. Cynthia was honored with the "Ginges Who Love Bull Dykes" award. No, she was awarded some Point of Courage award or something. She is courageous for going down on Christine Marinoni. Speaking of, I don't think she was there last night!

I fucking live for seeing Christine and couldn't find her anywhere in the pictures. She's like an episode of "Rags to Riches." I constantly channel surf for an episode, hoping to land on one, but it never comes. Christine is like that.

Maybe I should hang out in the tool section of Home Depot. She's bound to show up there!

Here's more pics of My Little Pony Parker and her lambs last night. I also added some Judith Light, because she's hotter than all of them combined with a dash of sugar.

Sarah Jessica Parker is one of those chicks that claims she eats everything in sight all day and all night. Uh...huh...and follows it up by eating a big plate of laxatives. At the premiere for "Smart People" last night, SJP said, "I eat everything. I'm just an eater. If it's free, I honestly eat everything." I wonder if she eats her husband's asshole, because you know he's into that gay shit.

When asked what she's eaten recently, she said, "Last night I had steak and some lamb shank. And I had some roasted chicken and some cassoulet and some profiteroles and some ice cream and some cheesecake." And what did she have on Monday? "I had two different tarts from Once Upon a Tart [in SoHo] and toast and a banana and a cup of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. And a glass of fresh orange juice."

And how does she keep her pony frame so skinny? "It's predisposition probably." Is think that's pony talk for, "I shit it all out."

Here's SJP with her gay husband, Ellen Page and Dennis Quad. Matthew Broderick is looking more and more like a professional toe-tapper. I'm not talking about the kind of toe-tapping you do on stage either.

My Little Pony Parker neighed to Hello! Magazine (via M&C) about how she will never live in Los Angeles, because they treat celebrities like "exotic creatures." She said she has never considered leaving NYC and never will.

She said, "For me it was never really a choice between New York and Los Angeles. I've always considered New York my home and since my husband Matthew Broderick was born and raised here we never even considered moving away." Matthew would never leave NYC! He probably knows where all the great glory holes are after years of research.

Pony went on, "New York has the big advantage of not treating celebrities like exotic creatures. No-one cares because the city is so big and driven by so many other interests that people don't obsess with actors as much as they do in Los Angeles, where it all revolves around Hollywood."

It's true that most New Yorkers don't give a fuck when they see a celebrity, but they are still treated like special skanks. Celebrities get special treatment in every city and that's why I hate their asses!

Time for an example! I went to some restaurant in NYC for my Birfday last year and Mandy Moore's football player looking ass was there with a bunch of people. I was enjoying my meal when all of a sudden, Mandy gets up and asks them to play her new CD. Of course they did, because she's a celebrity. Everyone in the restaurant was forced to listen to her shitty ass music. They would have thrown me out if I asked them to play my favorite "2 Live Crew" CD for my Birfday. Not Mandy! She gets whatever she wants, because she's famous. Everyone else has to suffer.

My Little Pony Parker was voted Maxim's Unsexiest Woman in the World a while ago and she said it didn't bother her at the time. Well, it did bother her. She told Grazia Magazine that she was upset by it and also angry because her husband's taste was insulted.

She said, "It's so brutal in a way, so filled with rage and anger. It upset him [Matthew], because it has to do with his judgment too. Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No. Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not. Am I really the unsexiest women in the world? Wow! It's kind of shocking...It's condemnation, it's insane. What can I do? I guess you can't please all people."

Sweetie, it doesn't really insult your husband's tastes. I'm sure any woman in the world is unsexy to him, because I'm pretty sure he likes dick. Just saying. Pony needs to get over it! Have a sugar cube and move on.

How I wish this was on video. I could watch it over and over and over again. Oh how I'd laugh.

It's My Little Pony Parker falling on her annoying ass while shooting for Vogue with Annie Leibovitz outside Lincoln Center in NYC. I hope Annie took a few shots of Pony going down, because that's the cover right there!

Is this a trend? Grown women looking like party decorations? First, Lucy Liu rocked some paper lantern shit to the Valentino show and now Sarah Jessica Parker is looking like a pinata? I want to attach a string to her ass, hoist her up and start hitting her with a tree branch for candy.

I hope horsey is getting a lot of change for this, because she looks like a fool! Here she is doing a promo shoot for the "Sex and the City" movie in NYC today.

Splash

That has got to be one of the worst taglines for a movie ever! Waiter, I'll have the cheese plate with extra fruit. "Get Carried Away?" They are so clever. The tagline should've read "Ahahaha! We got your money when you could've really seen the same shit in re-runs on TBS."

This is the first movie poster for "Sex and the City" which hits theaters this May. They were smart to keep My Little Pony Parker small and in black and white. She looks like one of those little ballerinas in those cheap ass music boxes. I just want to shut the music box door on her over and over again.

They haven't even finished shooting and they are already hawking it. They've been hawking it for a couple of months now. That must mean they spent a lot of money on this garbage.

I say that all now, but my stupid gay ass will be forking over $11 to see these old cronies come May. I'm so easy.

And click here to see the first trailer that came out a while ago...in case you missed it

Source: ET Online