Amy Winehouse

Amy Wino's main homegirl, her crackhive, returned to the top of her head yesterday where it's been missing for a couple of weeks. Wino's crackhive was probably off seeing the world, laying on beaches and recuperating from dealing with its owner's fuckery. Her crackhive quickly realized that being Wino's hiding place isn't so bad. I mean, lots of available and free drugs! I bet Wino doesn't even notice that her crackhive has been snorting some of her stuff. 1 line for Wino, 2 lines for crackhive!

In other crackie news, Wino tried to visit her Blaaaaaake in rehab yesterday, but she sort of lost track of time and missed visiting hours. Same old, same old. Wino was obviously busy reading bible scriptures to school children. Or she was making sweet love to her crack pipe. Probably the latter. The Daily Mail says she got into a cab, drove for 5-minutes and decided that shit wasn't going to happen, so she turned around.

Here's more of Wino with her beloved crackhive back together in Camden yesterday. It also looks like her ballet slippers's day off was yesterday. Wino in sneakers?! Wino realized that wearing sneakers makes it easier and faster for her to chase and beat at the paparazzi.

If Barbara Walters or Diane Sawyer ever want an interview with the Crackie of Camden, they just have to ring her intercom and Wino will start blabbing away! Courtney Love has MySpace and
Wino has her intercom system to ramble on.

Last night, a photographer talked Wino for around 6 minutes (above) about her divorce to Blaaake (she denies it) and her obsession with X-Factor. During her crack rambling, Wino even swore she wasn't drunk. Uh huh. That doesn't sober you up. I've tried. My drunk ass has tried to fight the vomit coming up by chanting "I'm not drunk, I'm not drunk," hoping my brain would get the message. Mind over drunkenness never works.

Wino talked about one X-Factor contestant the most: a 16-year-old kid named Eoghan Quigg. Wino said she likes his dad and her goddaughter likes the boy. They've even called him up. She didn't really say what they talked about, but the Mirror claims she's invited the boy for a wild night out with her.

A source said, “Amy wants to meet him whether he wins or loses. She’s a massive fan and thinks he’s cute. She told him he was doing well in the competition and to keep up all the good work. But she was also insistent that she wanted to meet up when he wasn’t rehear-sing – and Eoghan was up for it.”

Save the children from Wino! Schools in England should start teaching W.A.R.E (Wino Abuse Resistance Education).

Below is Wino stumbling out of her den on Saturday night. She came out, started to get into a cab, changed her mind and quickly ran back into her house. I do that daily. I step outside my front door, see all the dumb bitches walking around and run back inside to spend time with the only whores who really understand me: Jack Daniels and Mary Jane!

I'm feeling like a dried-up, moldy piece of caca today. I woke up with a fucking baby porcupine sleeping in my throat. When I spit it out in the sink, it looked like the crusty, cheesy, delicious part of lasagna. But I doubt this shit I spit up was delicious. I haven't done laundry, so I had to wear some old ass, torn up, undies. I've been wearing the same outfit of sweats, a t-shirt and a hoodie for the past 3 days. You can probably put together 3 balanced meals from all the stains on my clothes. My hair is looking like a ratty patch of ass hair complete with dingles. And I probably smell like microwaved death. Get the picture?

Well, after I looked at these pictures of Amy Wino summoning the crack gods in the streets of Camden last night, I said to myself, "You know, Michael? You look hot today. You go, girl!" You seriously can always count on the Crackie of Camden to boost your self-esteem when you're feeling like gutter vomit. For this, I will always love her.

Don't ask me what Borat Wino was up to last night. I mean, she's dancing around in dirt, flirting with the paps and looking absolutely stunning while doing so. Basically, she's doing some typical crackhead shit.

The Crackie of Camden is wishing you a good morning with a little cheese toast. You might want to scrape her special crackie crumble off the top unless you want to be cracked out of your brains by noon. Actually, that's not such a bad thing. I'll have two.

I guess the crackhive has hit the fucking road for good. It finally had enough. I just hope it's on a beach somewhere, working on a tell-all. Now that the crackhive quit that bitch, Wino has gone for the curly pube bush look instead. She kind of looks like the missing Marx brother: CRACKO!

Outside of her den this morning, Wino handed out cheese toast and asked one of the pappies if she could use their cell phone. She probably called her dealer to have erotic phone times. You know she gets off ordering 8-balls and shit. After that, Wino told the pappies she was getting treatment for a rash on her stomach. Um...methinks the treatment would be rather simple. I'm not a doctor or anything, but perhaps a Hazmat shower would cure that shit. Fuck. Even a regular shower with actual soap!

Wino still didn't talk about Blaaaaake. She hasn't even visited him in rehab! Some dumb whores are even saying they might break-up. NOOOO!!! They are the junked out Romeo & Juliet of our times. First, the crackhive goes, then Blaaake, what's going to be next?! Don't say the crack.....don't say it! Wino without the crack is like me without Mother's Circus Animal Cookies (yes, I'm obsessed in a bad way).

Somebody's got to pay Blaaaake's £30,000 rehab bill and it's not going to be the government or the Crackie of Camden. Blaaake is currently trying to get the drug demon ripped from his body (True Blood shot out!), but he's going to have to find another way to pay for it.

A friend of Wino's told The Sun that she's pissed off because Blaaake never told her he was getting out of the chokey. She found out from the neighborhood drug dealers who were screaming in excitement. No, she found out from reporters.

The friend said, “Blake thought he would click his fingers and she’d stump up the 30 grand. But so far she has refused. He’s not happy.”

Wino's famewhore daddy, Mitch, said that she hasn't seen her husband in a long ass time and she really doesn't care. Mitch did a tap dance number and then said, “Blake is a no-hoper. I want Amy to forget about him. The best thing that could possibly happen is for them to go their separate ways.”

Fuck Blaaake! Why would Wino waste her cash on hist stupid rehab program when she can spend it on ice pops and crack! And what the hell kind of rehab costs that much? The trailer witch (second True Blood shout out!) will fix him up for $799!

Here's Wino looking like a couture model on the Paris runways while walking around her neighborhood with her roly poly daddy.

Please, close the gate of that crackhead's mouth too....

Blaaaake barely got out of the chokey and he's already posing for pictures and running his crackhole to the press. After he left prison, he told The Sun, "It’s tough inside — bloody horrible, but I’m out and that’s all that matters. It’s brilliant. I’m gonna get myself sorted. I’m gonna get my life back. I’m gonna see my wife and take her knickers down."

He better bring a metal bat, a string of garlic and a Hazmat crew with him when he pulls her panties down. Who knows what's hiding under there.

Blaaaake is currently drying out at a rehab facility in Surrey. He has to complete the program before he's reunited with his wife's crackbush. Hopefully, it swallows him whole when he greets it.

Maybe it's Crackelline?

It was business as usual for our little Crackie of Camden today. On the same day that her beloved Blaaaake traded in prison heroin for rehab heroin, Wino went berserk on the pappies outside her cave for reasons unknown. Actually, there is a reason. She's Wino and she unleashes her fury on anything shiny in front of her. You should see her poor toaster. The thing is beat down thanks to her. Click here to see the video and just remember that if you see Wino on the street, run the other way or take off your jewelry and get ready to rumble.

After Wino handled the paps, she went off to THE CLINIC, where's she been receiving treatment on and off for her zombie condition. Wino apparently didn't see her Blaaaake at all today. Maybe she was wailing for her Blaaaakey and that's why she's got eyeliner jizz all over her face?

Here's some pictures of Wino attacking the paps, falling over in the cab, being grumpy, then being smiley today. The crackhive is still on vacation. I hope it's not permanent. What's Wino without her hive?! That's like The Empress of Lucite with her exquisite lucite heels.

After being locked up for almost a year, Amy Wino's prince crackie is out of the slammer! Blaaake busted out of prison in Suffolk today wearing an electronic tag. He doesn't get to return to his crack den just yet. As part of the terms of his early release, Blaaake will go straight into a rehab facility, where he has to complete some kind of program.

The Crackie of Camden, who is believed to be getting some lung work done at THE CLINIC, wasn't there to welcome her husband back into the wild. Something in the milk ain't clean about this. The crack rock of her eye is free (sort-of) and she's not there to deafen the ears of everyone with her "BLAAAAAKE" call?!

You know the drug dealers in London are fucking rejoicing. Back in business!

Source: Daily Mail

The Crackie of Camden checked out of the hospital on Friday where she was being treated for a "chest infection." Well, after spending the weekend at her crack den, she's back in THE CLINIC! Wino's spokeswhore said she clocked back into the hospital today for ongoing treatment.

Wino just needed to go home and "stock up" before spending the rest of the week in the hospital. She's like a crackie chipmunk. Crackmunk!

A source tells People that Wino is trying to quit smoking fags and getting a little help for it. "She has been told to give up smoking and was initially struggling with that – she was covered in nicotine patches at one point. But she is making an effort."

Nicotine patches won't work on her! The second they touch her skin, they shrivel up and fall off. Good luck to Wino! But you know the cigarette industry is going caca in their panties this morning at the thought of Wino quitting fags!

The Crackie of Camden is on the loose in London tonight after spending a few days in THE CLINIC (dun dun dun) for some kind of "chest infection." (Cue eye rolls!) Wino was picked up by her daddy and friend Blake "not Blaaaake" Wood. Not Blaaake should've stayed at the hospital, because he looks like he could use a quickie with a defibrillator. After that, he needs an intimate dinner date with an IV for a couple of hours.

Being laid up in the hospital for a few days worked wonders on the little crackie. She actually looks sort of lifelike! Eating actual food instead of just feasting on crack smoke did her a little bit of good.

Even her ballet slippers look like they got a sponge bath. Now if she can just work on getting back in her crackhive's good graces again. That crackhive bitch got sick of Wino's shit and hit the road for less fucked-up pastures. I think it's hiding in Beyonce's wig closet. Wino should just sent it a Vermont Teddy Bear as an apology. That always works for me.