Trolls

Mini people Janet Jackson and Troll Dupri were having an elf of a time at his 36th birthday party at Tenjune in NYC the other, when he had to ruin it all by barfing all over Miss Jackson (if you're nasty). Page Six reports that Troll was guzzling champagne and tequila all night when he suddenly got the urge to purge and couldn't wait to run into the little boy's room. After Troll up chucked his goblin slime all over Janet, she got up and busted out of that joint to go home. Sucio. His barf probably smells like rotten chipmunk bits and soil covered roots. Well, that's what trolls eat! Ask the Olsens.

I'm sorry, but there is no need to barf off someone if you can help it. Yes, I've puked on bitches before, but I meant to! Sometimes a dumb bitch just deserves a hot pile of vom in their lap.

You know, usually you're given a few seconds warning, so you can get your little ass up and at least unload it on a stranger. If I was Janet, I would cancel that fucking relationship pronto. Barfing on me is a deal breaker unless I pre-approved that mess. Janet is a kinky bitch, so maybe she's into that shit.

It looks like the evil troll known as Mary-Kate Olsen was able to answer the feds' riddle correctly, because she won't have to testify in front of a grand jury about the death of Heath Ledger. People reports that the U.S. Attorney's Office has closed its investigation.

A source said that MK was subpoenaed by a federal grand jury on April 23, but her lawyer bitch has been negotiating with the feds to keep her off the stand. She had asked for immunity before testifying. She also issued a statement saying she knew nothing about Heath's death and doesn't know how he got a hold of some OxyContin.

The evil troll might have gotten away this time, but her day is coming! That sneaky troll is probably dancing a cokey jig right now! She's feasting on children's hair and frog eyes in celebration of her victory! I hear you cackling in the darkness, MK! You won't escape next time!

TMZ also claims that the D.E.A. opened the investigation on the death of Heath even though there wasn't really a crime involved. They just wanted to get into the spotlight a little. They reportedly interviewed a dude who smoked a joint with Heath in the 90s and wanted him to testify in front of a grand jury. Stupid shit like that. The U.S. Attorney's Office finally shut down the "bogus" investigation.

Well, that's that. But can they can still arrest Mary-Kate Olsen? They can just make up a reason. I just really need a Trollsen mug shot in my life.

Thanks Vanya

Mary-Kate Olsen has already issued a statement through her lawyer claiming she doesn't know anything about Heath Ledger's death. The feds still really want to talk to her. They apparently want to know how Heath got a hold of OxyContin and they think the troll knows.

Access Hollywood (via MSNBC) reports that a subpoena has been issued forcing the troll to testify in front of a grand jury.

Before the subpoena was issued, MK agreed to talk to the feds if they gave her ass immunity. A lawyer not connected to the case said that really doesn't mean anything. The lawyer-type said, “It may not mean anything other than she’s getting good legal advice. You don’t know what the DEA may suspect in this case and I think it’s a cautious way to proceed. I think it would be wrong to assume she’s done something criminal simply because she’s invoking her Fifth Amendment against self-incrimination.”

Maybe MK is some sort of evil troll drug lord. I mean, why does she have to hide? Just testify and get it over with! The troll should drag her booster seat over to the court, get on the stand and just answer "You got it dude!" to every question that gets thrown at her.

Am I Right? I can only tell them apart because MK Olsen's eyes always look like they've just been doused with wet cocaine. Anytroll, here are the two covers for the Trollsen's new coffee table book "Influences." I shouldn't say "coffee table book." We're talking about the Olsens. I'll say "coke cutting table book" instead.

The book is out October 18th and will be filled with pictures and interviews with a bunch of dumb whores who have shaped their lives. I'm thinking it will be filled with pictures of various bridges, tree trunks, unicorns and an interview with the makers of Shrinky Dinks. Seriously, I'm convinced these trolls are really Shrinky Dinks.

Source: ONTD

Mini-Me has dropped a $20 million lawsuit against SugarDVD and TMZ over his famous sexy time tape. He dropped the lawsuit after they agreed not to market the video of him rubbing his lipstick all over that pony lady's vagina.

His lawyer told The Los Angeles Times, "We got what we wanted: a permanent injunction." SugarDVD must have the permission from Mini-Me and his co-star Ranae Shrider before selling the little blue movie.

Mini-Me's lawyer said he wants to keep the tape private and has no plans to sell. He's saying that now, but something tells me Mini-Me is short on cash, so his own piece of hell will soon be up for sale. I can't fucking wait. I still need to know if Mini-Me is hung like a kitten. He has to be bigger than these dudes (NSFW). Seriously, I've seen clits (DON'T CLICK ON THAT) bigger than those dicks. It's pretty sad when you're able to stick the whole dick in your mouth and toss their salad at the same time.

As if the song wasn't bad enough, Hayden Panatroll had to release a video for this "Stars are Blind" knock-off. Watch this shit with the sound turned off, because her troll yodeling gave me a headache that lasted for hours. The bitch can't even sing "DRANKS" right. It's DRANKS, not "DRAAAAANKSS."

It's not right that she's trying to be sexy. It makes me feel uncomfortable and it should be illegal. It's like soft-core troll porn. It's only missing Mini-Me and his lizard tongue.

VIA ONTD

The epidemic continues! Dumb bitches that have no business being inside a recording studio are still trying to make music. Hayden Panatroll is the latest skank to terrorize eardrums with her new single, "Wake Up Call." Ryan Seacrest played that shit this morning on KIIS-FM.

The only song this troll is allowed to sing is the "Lollipop Guild." I mean, when your song makes Parasite Hilton's "Stars are Blind" sounds like Bob Marley, it's time to pack up your auto-tuner and call it a fucking day.

And here's a "Wake Up Call" for Hayden: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Hayden's vomit inducer is below. Click here if you can't listen it, but consider that a sign.

31-year-old Milo Ventimiglia reportedly went engagement ring shopping for his 18-year-old honeytroll, Hayden Pantyairs. Ick. A source told OK! UK that Milo has his eye on a $200,000 diamond ring from Cartier. Since when does Cartier sell diamond baby rings?

Friends say that Milo is completely in love with the Pantyairs and can't wait to settle down. I know she's of age and everything, but this can't be legal. She's like forever 12-years-old. And I'm not a lawyer or anything, but isn't it illegal to marry evil trolls?!

There's no way he's going to marry her. The Hollywood rule is that you marry after you get knocked up. Everyone knows that. Wait.....don't tell me she's got a baby troll in the oven? She's going to pop out one of those troll doll pencil toppers.

"Mary-Kate seriously needs to get to rehab, but she doesn't think she has a problem. She thinks she's young, hip and entitled to live her life as she sees fit. But it's affecting everything." That's what some inside source told Star Magazine. Why do inside sources always talk like entertainment reporters? Young and hip? Ew.

The source claims MK is one messy troll and that she's been partying all the time and binge drinking. Okay, "binge drinking" for her is probably like two sips of a beer a night. Seriously, that tiny troll totally gets drunk from just sniffing rubbing alcohol.

The source also said MK visited some holistic spa to detox, but that didn't stop her partying ways. Of course not! Detoxing is just to prepare yourself for the next round of binge drinking. Drop and reload!

Now I don't know if this messy troll needs rehab for booze problems, but she should seek help for wearing those Arthur the Aardvark sunglasses in public.

P.S. - I love the picture of Tommy Girl with Xenu handles. It gives John Travolta something to hold on to while he's riding that alien pony into the next dimension.

Spencer Pratt has made the biggest mistake of his douche life by lashing out at the evil troll known as Mary-Kate Olsen. Spencer responded to MK telling David Letterman that she went to high school with Spencie and that he has a bad temper. That's all she said!

Well, Twatty Pratt fired back to UsWeekly, "I don't really get why she'd use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one's going to see. She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me. I know I've made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though. She's had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough."

I'm sure MK is crying into her piles and piles of money. She's probably so upset that she's shitting into her piles of money. Scratch that. Evil trolls don't go doody time.

Twatty messed with the wrong evil troll. MK will get her revenge! He should stay away from bridges and large trees for a while.